Heather London - The Hardest Part

"Reed, are you sure that's what you want? You know I can make that happen, but you need to be sure. It's not something I can take back."

I sat there for a long moment, breathing in and out, staring across the parking lot, watching a mother and daughter sitting on a bench. As I stared at them, I wondered if that was what I really wanted. Is having Jake dead the only thing that will give me peace? Give Emily peace? Will it give her comfort to know the man who has terrorized her for the past few years is dead? Will it protect her and our baby? Will the asshole try to hurt her again? Will he terrorize her and force her to live in fear for the rest of her life? Or do I just want to clear my conscience, wanting to prove to myself that I can protect her because I had failed at protecting Lexi and my parents?

It became clear to me then. "No, Robbins, I don't want you to kill him." I paused, closing my eyes tight before opening them again. "I want to do it."

JAKE

THE COPS had been crawling all over the place for days now, but just as I knew all along, they had nothing on me. It had been fun to watch Miller squirm. He thought he had me, but I was always a few steps ahead of him. When I saw him yesterday, I could see the desperation and frustration all over his face. I knew it was just fueling the fire and probably driving him to find some evidence on me even more, but I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him. He had it out for me for years. He treated me like I was a nobody in this town when I actually owned this place. So out of all of this bullshit I had to put up with the last few days, it had been one silver lining.

The best part of yesterday was Rico telling me he had news of Emily. Through his connections he had found out she was alive. He couldn’t get all the details of her condition, but just knowing that she was alive was good enough for me. So even with the cops still sniffing around lately, today was still a good day. Today I got a renewed hope in getting Emily back.

For the first time in days, my heart relaxed a little. I just needed to wait a little while to let the cops trail run cold and then I could make my move. I wanted to give Emily some time to cool down as well. She was undoubtedly still angry with me. I would just have to explain to her why I did what I did. She would understand when I told her how much I loved her and that I only did what I did because I thought she was leaving me for another man. Then I would do what I should’ve done days ago. I would kill Reed Alexander. I would kill for what he’d done to me and Emily.

So tonight, I would sleep soundly knowing she was still here on this earth, knowing there was still a chance for us to try again.

I was in the bedroom, just about to call it a night when I heard the front door open. Rico knew better than to walk in unannounced. The guy was loyal, but he wasn’t very smart.

“Dammit, Rico. What is it?” I said darkly as I stomped back into the living room.

When my eyes met the man who was standing ten feet in front of me, I couldn’t believe it. My stomach tightened and I tried to convince myself that I was hallucinating. The days of no sleep and drinking myself into a stupor must have finally caught up with me. There was no way this guy was standing in front of me. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be dead.

“Surprised to see me?” The man smiled and fear ripped through every inch of my body.

REED

ABOUT AN hour later, Kim, the nurse that had been so nice to me, came into the waiting room. Her eyes locked with mine and she gave me a small smile, gesturing me over. I jumped out of my seat and practically ran to her, eager to hear any news she had to tell me.

"The cops have finished their questioning." Her smile grew. "She's asking for you, but the doctor only wants one visitor at a time right now."

I let out a large breath. She’s asking for me. That’s something. God, right now, that is everything.

Lexi and Brandon were beside me, and Lexi reached out to touch my arm. "Tell her we're here and that we're thinking of her."

I nodded, gave her a big hug, and then followed Kim down the hall. I wanted to run past her, run right to Emily's room, but I walked as calmly as I could beside her.

Detective Palmer and his partner were standing across the hall from Emily's room and didn't even look in my direction as I approached. They both wore stone-cold faces and only seemed to be interested in what the other one was saying. As much as I wanted to stop and quiz them, ask them if they were going to get the bastard, knowing that Emily gave them the same story I did and probably even more information, all I really wanted to do was see Emily.

The two police officers, who had stopped me before, stepped aside and let me through. I gathered a breath, bracing myself against the door. I was scared and anxious but most of all, hopeful. I just wanted to see that she was okay.

Emily was lying in bed with her eyes closed, looking like she had the past few days. She looked peaceful as she breathed softly. My eyes roamed over her face. I saw no change. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. My chest ached. So many things went through my mind. Why aren't her eyes open? Am I too late? Has she fallen asleep? Has she fallen back into a coma? The only thing I wanted was to hear her voice. To see her eyes open. To see her smile. However, there was nothing.

I stood in front of her bed, just staring at her, not able to move another muscle toward her. Dammit, I missed it. She woke up and I missed it. Does she even know I’m here? Or did she think I abandoned her?

Just as I was about to run out of the room and question the nurses, Emily's eyes fluttered open. She was looking right at me. I gasped for air, like I hadn't taken a breath since the last time I'd seen her eyes staring back at me. It was hard to hold back my emotions. A part of me was certain I'd never see them again.

"Reed." Her voice was soft, hoarse.

My eyes fell closed for just a moment to savor the sound of her voice. "God, it's so good to hear your voice and to see you with your eyes open. I've been—" I choked on the words, feeling my emotions burn in my chest. I cleared my throat, hoping to keep them from coming out completely. "I've been so worried about you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry you got involved in this. I should've told you. It's all my fault. I should've told you everything. I was just scared and I didn't want anyone involved. I thought I was protecting you. I'm so, so sorry for not telling you about him and about my past."

Making my way around to the side of her bed, I grabbed her hand in mine. I leaned close to her and said, "Don't apologize. What happened was not your fault. I'm just glad you're okay."

"I feel so stupid. I was such an idiot. I thought I could start a new life. I thought I could get away. It was selfish and dumb, and it almost got you killed, Reed. I would've never forgiven myself if anything happened to you because of me."

Her lips folded inward and her eyes closed, as if she were trying to hold in the tears. It killed me to see her so upset. The last thing she should feel right now was shame or guilt. Emily was a victim and she was acting like she had control over what happened.

"Open your eyes and look at me." I tried to keep my voice soft. She did as I asked, tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes. "You don't need to apologize or feel guilty for what happened. It wasn't your fault. None of it."

She nodded and then closed her eyes again. As I sat there, I wondered if she knew about the baby. Had the doctors told her yet? With all that had happened, they might have thought it best to wait before saying anything. She had only been awake for a couple minutes before the detectives bombarded her with questions.