Sherry Ficklin - Losing Logan

Reaching down I stick my hand in the water. It’s not hot, but compared to the cold air, it feels like bath tub temperature.

“The moisture in the air is from this.”

Kneeling beside me Kyle sticks his hand in. He looks over at me, grinning.

“So, you wanna go for a soak?” I ask boldly.

“Hell yeah.”

“Cool, you turn around while I get in.”

He grins, puts his hand over his eyes and turns his back to me. I slip down to my bra and panties and slide into the warm water.

“Okay, your turn.”

He turns back to me, wide grin still firmly in place. He strips down to his boxers and climbs in beside me.

“This is amazing Zoe.”

“I know, right?”

I keep waiting for the fact that I’m half naked in a pool with a guy I hardly know to register as a huge mistake in my brain, but it doesn’t happen. We just laugh and talk and everything feels so…relaxed. It’s almost a shame when he finally sighs.

“As fun as this is, I think we should be getting home. It’s after midnight.”

He’s right. But I have a trunk load of problems waiting for me at home, and I’d give just about anything to not have to deal with them for just a few more hours.

I slip back into the water so only my face is above the surface and stare at the stone above me. How has my life gotten so complicated? What did I do to deserve this particular bag of insanity?

I don’t hear Kyle make his way through the water to me, I just feel his arms wrap around me and the next thing I know, I’m pressed tightly against him as he lifts me out of the pool, kissing me as we move. When my feet hit stone, I’m still tangled in his arms, my hands running along the lines of his body of their own accord. He strokes my hair, my back. Slowly, like an ember being brought to flame, I feel the heat rise inside me. Even the tiny, wet scraps of clothes between us seem like too much. I feel him stiffen, pulling away just a little. Some deep, primal part of my brain wants to end the painful separation. But then there’s a soft voice in the back of my head. The voice of reason.

And it sounds a lot like Logan.

I force myself to step back, not really releasing him, but getting a hint of breathing room between us. I lock on to Kyle’s eyes. His expression is wild, flushed. He’s panting almost as hard as I am.

“Best. First. Date. Ever,” He says, kissing me quickly one more time before releasing me and scooping up his clothes, and turning away.

“I’m going to go get dressed. Over here,” he says breathlessly, not turning back to look at me.

The drive home is quiet. Not in an awkward way, but in a blissful, calm way. Maybe I’m just tired, but I scoot to the middle seat of the truck, leaning against him as he drives. He slips an arm around me and I close my eyes, just for a minute.

Or at least if feels like it’s only a minute. The next time I open them we are pulling into my driveway. My hair is still damp and there’s a wet spot on Kyle’s shirt where I’d been resting. I let him walk me to my door, kissing him goodnight on my porch step. He drives off and I step inside, faced immediately with a sour faced Logan.

“What?” I whisper, knowing mom is probably fast asleep in her room.

“I was worried sick. Do you know what time it is?”

I burst out with a laugh and walk to my room. “I didn’t realize you were the curfew police.”

“I tried to find you, Zoe. I closed my eyes like I always do, thought of you, and there was nothing. It was like you’d just vanished off the face of the earth or…”

I stop mid step, looking back over my shoulder at him. I jerk my head, motioning for him to come into my room then shut the door.

“You thought I was dead.”

He rakes his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t know what to think. You were gone and Bruno was gone.”

“He likes to be called Kyle.”

“I don’t care if he likes to dress up in women’s underwear and be called Nancy. I couldn’t find you!”

He raises his hands in the air, making a gesture like he wants to choke me. Then he throws them in the air and stomps off.

“You almost gave me a heart attack, Zoe. Seriously. If I wasn’t already dead, I could have died.”

I snicker again.

“Relax, Logan. I took Kyle someplace safe. Where neither you nor The Reaper could find us.”

“Where?”

“None of your business, Casper the Stalky Ghost.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’m just glad you’re okay. Wait. Why is your hair wet?”

I pull at the damp, wavy strands around my face. “Oh, yeah. I should probably go shower. Somebody dumped a tray of food on me.”

“Hey, it got you out of there, didn’t it?”

I nod, grabbing a towel and my jammies. “Yes, clever plan Logan. Next time maybe you can light me on fire or something.”

“Hey,” he reaches out, grabbing my arm. This time I feel it, his cool skin on mine.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re alright. And I’m sorry about before. If you want me around, I’m here. For however long we have.”

I swallow. Probably not the best time to admit I’d nearly jumped Kyle’s bones at the cavern. I don’t know what to say so I just nod and head for the shower.

The hot water only makes me feel worse. I can still feel Kyle pressed against me, I can taste him on my tongue. Slowly I wash the bubbles out of my hair.

If there was any kind of justice that stupid Reaper would take me and leave them both alone. If the world worked the way it was supposed to, it would have been me that died, not Logan. Not my dad.

I straighten up. Maybe that’s why it’s here. Maybe it really should have been me. Maybe this time, the universe will get it right.

I let myself sleep in longer than I mean to the next day. But I’m bone tired and I don’t have any plans, so I figure why not? Other than answering an early morning text from Kyle who is off to a full day of lacrosse practice, I don’t even move until almost noon.

The knock at my door makes me jump.

Carlos peeks his head inside. “You decent, Zoe Bowie?”

“As decent as I ever am. Come on in.”

Carlos walks in, shutting the door behind him. “Um, is he here?”

Logan waves from his spot in my chair.

I point in his direction.

“Hey, Logan,” Carlos offers cheerfully.

Logan waves, not looking back from the movie he’s watching.

“He says hey.”

“Cool. So, I had my date with Mr. Perfect last night,” Carlos begins with no preamble.

I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of my bed. “Great, how did it go?”

“It was a little weird at first, but it turns out he’s a huge boxing fan, so he and my dad totally hit it off. It was per-fect. And,” he takes a deep breath, “I asked him to Homecoming.”

“And he said yes?”

“No, he said no. I mean, it’s sort of weird for a college guy to be dating a high school senior, but he asked me to go to his Homecoming instead, so I said yes. It was—“

“Perfect,” Logan and I answer in unison.

“Exactly. So, what are we doing today?” he asks, walking over to my closet and rummaging through the hangers.

“I was actually thinking some research might be in order,” I offer, walking over to Logan who looks up at me curiously. “Maybe we can’t figure out who killed you. But maybe we can at least figure out what that Reaper thing is and what it wants.”

Logan sits forward, his hands on his knees. “That’s worth a shot. Maybe we can figure out how to get rid of it.”

“That’s what I was thinking too,” I say. But it’s a lie. Mostly, I want to know what it is, and what it wants. Because, if it really is after me, no way in hell am I going to let anyone else I love get hurt or killed in my place. If it’s really here for me, then I’m going to go with it, I’ve already decided.