Kelly Jamieson - Sweet Deal

She almost ran a red light on her way home, she was so preoccupied thinking about him and what had happened. Once safely inside her apartment she changed her clothes once again, back into her comfy yoga pants and T-shirt. She sat on her bed.

Andrew didn’t think Jake had been using her.

She rubbed at the tightness between her eyebrows as she tried to make sense of it all. He and Gianna had been in love. Andrew was his best friend. Then Andrew and Gianna had fallen in love with each other.

She touched her fingertips to her lips and closed her eyes as she imagined how that must have hurt Jake. She knew about his past, about his mother, and how he didn’t do relationships. He’d gotten involved with Gianna though, and although it hurt her to think about, it hurt even more to think about his pain when Gianna had fallen in love with his best friend. How much that must have hurt Jake.

Her throat constricted. So when he’d run into them that day at the picnic, it must have been like getting slapped in the face yet again.

He’d told her about his and Andrew’s plans to go into business together and she knew how disappointed he’d been about that even though he hadn’t told her the whole story. So not only had he lost his girlfriend, he’d lost his best friend and his business plan. That was a lot to lose all at once.

She wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to tell him she understood. Then she remembered that he’d used her and anger rose again. Except…Andrew didn’t believe he’d been using her. And thinking back over the last few weeks, and all the time they’d spent together, it didn’t feel like she’d been used. She remembered laughing with him, crying with him, bike riding, walking Wayne, baking cookies with Taylor, and all the things he’d done for her and for her friends when Adam died.

No. That wasn’t using her.

Maybe her stupid optimism was going to be her downfall yet again, but she just couldn’t stop the buoyancy that rose up inside her. He did care about her. He might not want to admit it, probably because he was afraid of getting hurt again, and okay, she got that, given his history, but she was suddenly, absolutely positive that he did care.

What had he said to her? Don’t let the past mess up your future? Something about dragging crap around with her?

Yes. That was what she’d done. All her life, basically.

She’d known she shouldn’t get involved with her boss at RBM but she’d done it anyway. She’d tried to learn from it. And yet, she’d brought that hurt with her, and it had colored everything, made her think that Andrew wanted more from her than he really did. She’d made a mess of things when she should have just had a conversation with Andrew.

So she knew what it was like. She knew what Jake was dragging around with him. And he needed to realize that too. He needed to know that everyone he cared about wasn’t going to leave him.

She rose to her feet. She had to see him. She looked at her watch. Would he still be at work? She didn’t want to go see him there. She’d wait until he was at home. And she knew what she’d do to keep herself busy until then.

He opened his door to her, his hair messed, shadows darkening the skin below his eyes. He must have just gotten home, hadn’t even changed, his usually impeccable business clothes rumpled—tie loosened, top button of his shirt undone. He’d taken off his suit jacket and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up, revealing his big strong forearms. He looked so sexy and handsome and sad, it made her heart squeeze.

Wayne came rushing at her, tail swishing with fond recognition, and she put out a hand to rub his head, looking briefly away from Jake to greet the dog.

“Lay down, Wayne,” Jake said abruptly. Wayne went to the tile floor and laid his chin on his front paws, looking up at them with big dark eyes.

Jake turned his gaze back to her. “Hi.” She heard the question in his tone.

“Hi.” Her stomach tightened with nerves, despite her conviction that she was right about him and his feelings for her.

“Everything okay?” he asked. “With you and Andrew?”

She nodded slowly. “Pretty okay. I still have a job. And Andrew might get over being pissed at me.”

His lips quirked. “I think he will.”

She wanted to kiss his mouth. She wanted to breathe in the scent of his skin. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She remembered how he’d looked after her during the time of Adam’s death and funeral, how he’d looked after all her friends, actually. And when she looked deep into his eyes, she saw the pain there, the uncertainty, the same longing and fear she felt.

“I brought you these.” She held out the container and he looked down at it even as he automatically reached for it. He opened one corner of the plastic lid and peered inside, then looked up at her, his eyes bright.

“Cookies?”

“Yes.”

He rolled his lips inward briefly and gave a short nod.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“Sure.” He led the way into his living room. She stepped over a few dog toys and a stack of newspapers and sat on the couch. He set the cookies on the table, then sat beside her, but not too close.

“Tell me what just happened at work,” Jake invited. So she told him. She told him what her first plan had been, to go to Andrew’s boss, and how she’d realized that would be a mistake. Jake laughed about it and shook his head, admiration gleaming in his eyes. “Good for you, Shelby,” he murmured. “Good for you.”

His praise lit her insides up and made her head go light. A shaky smile tugged at her lips. “So tomorrow we start fresh, and we’re going to try to make that project work.” Which reminded her. She shifted closer to him on the couch, her gaze fastened on his face. “Jake. Andrew told me you quit your job.”

“Yeah.” He grimaced. “Finally got over feeling sorry for myself. Got my courage up. It feels good. Scary, but good.”

“You’re going to do great.” She wanted to tell him what Andrew had said about hiring him, but held off, until it was more definite. “I know you will.” She paused, and then slowly, deliberately echoed his words, holding his gaze steadily. “I’m glad you realize you shouldn’t let the past mess up your future too.”

He stared at her. “Huh?”

“That’s what you told me. Not to drag that crap around forever. And you’re right. We don’t have to be bound by all those stupid messages drilled into us. My parents ignoring me. My boss screwing me over. Men using me. And you…” She paused and swallowed. “Not everyone you care about will leave you.”

He regarded her for a long moment, emotions flickering across his face. Should she tell him? Her stomach tightened.

“Did you use me to get back at Andrew?” she asked.

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Not to get back at him. But…I did use you.”

She sucked in a breath between her teeth. “How so?”

“When I saw Andrew and Gianna at the picnic that day, they both looked at me like they felt sorry for me. I didn’t want them to think I was a big loser, a year later still all broken up over what had happened. I didn’t want them to feel guilty, because, hey, they love each other and they should be happy together. So, I wanted them to think that we were together and I was happy with someone else and everything was good.”

“Oh.” She turned his words over in her mind while something hot and soft expanded in her chest. Just like she’d felt when they’d run into Mark. “Oh, Jake.” She hesitated. “Did you love her a lot?”

“Nah.” He looked away, then back at her. “I mean, I thought I did. But I think it was mainly my self-esteem that took a kicking. I just hung on to that, because I felt I’d been wronged. By both of them. All those old feelings of being abandoned and not wanted came back to life.”