Laura Miller - By Way of Accident

“Mom, they’re here. I’ll be back.”

I hear my mom say somethin’ about bein’ careful or bein’ late or both, but that’s after I’m already out the door.

I make my way to the car. The driver’s side window is open. From behind the wheel, her brother nods a greeting. I nod back just as Amy is gettin’ out of the front seat.

“Hey,” she says.

I smile without even thinkin’ about it. “Hi.”

“We’ll sit in the back,” she says, opening the back door on her side.

“All right,” I say.

I get in and close the door behind me. Amy’s already in and reachin’ for her seatbelt. I do the same.

“We still have to pick up Abbie,” I hear her say as my seat buckle clicks into place.

I glance over at her and notice for the first time how short her skirt is — right before I notice her brother adjusting the rearview mirror. And all of a sudden, I see his dark eyes starin’ back at me. And while his hair color matches Amy’s to a T , his eyes do not. Amy’s are bright blue. His are a deep shade of serial-killer green.

“Rick,” he announces, without so much as a tiny smile.

I look at the mirror and not actually at him. “River,” I say. I try to swallow the lump that’s growin’ in my throat. I’m a protective brother too, but jeez, this guy has it down. Is this what happens to ya when your little sister starts datin’?

All of a sudden, I notice my hands are gettin’ sweaty. I’m not sure if it’s Amy and her too-short-for-school skirt or the look her brother’s givin’ me. It only took me a couple days to figure out who Rick was. He’s a junior. He and Abbie, who’s also a junior, have been datin’ since their freshman year. Rick is a pitcher on the baseball team. He’s about my height, but his arms are bigger than most of the guys in school. I look up to him because he’s a good baseball pitcher. But still, I wasn’t really afraid of him, until now.

Rick takes his eyes off the rearview mirror to back out of the driveway, and for the first time in almost a minute, I take a rushed breath and look over at Amy. She smiles at me, probably completely unaware that her brother wants to publically skin me alive.

“How was your day?” she asks.

“Good,” I say, catchin’ a glance at the rearview mirror again. Rick’s eyes are back on me. “I, uh, didn’t see you today.”

I notice a bashful-lookin’ smile break across Amy’s face. “Did that make it good?”

“What? No,” I say quickly. Damn it. Rick’s eyes leave the road for the mirror. “Two separate thoughts, I promise. I just meant I didn’t see you at all today.”

“I know.” She lowers her eyes and smiles. “I’m just kidding. I was in the counselor’s office during first lunch, planning out my next four years.”

“Four years? We just started.”

Amy laughs, and if I’m not mistaken, I think Rick does a little too.

“Yeah,” she says. “They’ll get you too. I think they’re going up the list backwards. Asher has got to be about last then.”

I smile — not because I have to meet with the counselor and make up some bullshit about what classes I want to take a million years from now but because she knows my last name. I mean, sure, she probably saw my schedule or somethin’. But I wouldn’t know her last name if it weren’t for everyone who ever talks about her brother. Just like famous people, no one can seem to talk about Rick without callin’ him by his full name. He’s right up there with Tom Cruise and Hugh Jackman. He’s known as Rick Calloway. And he’s a bit of a legend at school, with him being All-State and all.

I look over at Amy. She’s bickerin’ back and forth with her brother now about somethin’ I guess happened earlier. I take the moment to study her. She’s wearin’ that short skirt that shows off her tanned legs. She’s got nice legs. They’re not long like Brooke’s, but they’re nice. Her top is white and frilly. Her hair is down and lyin’ long against her chest.

“River?” I suddenly hear her brother say.

I look up into the mirror because I know now that’s where he’ll be.

“Yeah?” I ask. I’m a little nervous he caught on to where I was starin’.

“Cardinals or Royals?” he asks.

“Oh, uh, Cardinals,” I say. “Definitely Cardinals.”

I look at Amy. She looks strangely relieved. Then I glance back at the mirror, and for the first time, the eyes starin’ back at me or smilin’. I breathe a sigh of relief.

We pick up Rick’s girlfriend, and then we’re off to the theater. Once we get there, I buy Amy’s ticket. My parents didn’t know it, but Grandpa gave me money here and there for workin’ for him. And I never really spent it on anything. I was saving it up to buy a train ticket to see Brooke. I always figured Grandpa would approve of me spendin’ it on a girl. But I guess I’m not savin’ up for a train ticket anymore. Or maybe I am. Hell, I don’t know.

“You’re not wearing your necklace,” Amy whispers in my ear once we’re in our seats.

I’m a little thrown off. It’s not everyday a girl whispers in my ear. It takes me back to a warm summer day more than a year ago when Brooke told me that she loved me — the same day she told me she was leavin’ me. That was one of the best and worst days of my life. I might very well forget everything else about that summer… eventually, but I’ll never forget that.

“Yeah,” I simply say. “I’m not.”

She flashes me a knowing smile as if she knew where the necklace came from or what it meant to me or why I’m not wearin’ it anymore. And then I take her hand. I just reach over and squeeze her hand, and I hold onto it. I really don’t know what comes over me — just some crazy wave of courage, I guess. Or maybe it was her knowing smile — a little smile that said she’s willing to take a chance on me even though I might still be lookin’ for somethin’ I’ve lost.

It’s dark in the little theater, but I’m pretty sure I still just saw her brother give me the look of death. I’ll probably pay for this later, but I don’t care. Her hand feels nice — being next to her feels nice. And that little knowing smile of hers especially felt nice.

We watch the movie, and her brother takes me home first. I say bye to Rick and Abbie and lastly, Amy. There’s no kiss. I didn’t think I would make it to the front door alive if I were to attempt somethin’ like that in front of Rick. Regardless, Amy doesn’t seem to mind. I tell her I had fun. She smiles that little bashful smile of hers I’m already gettin’ used to, and then that’s it. Rick backs out of the drive and leaves me standin’ there, just smilin’ away to myself.

Hot damn. I think that was my first real date. And I think a girl asked me on it. When the car’s out of sight, my stupid grin spreads wide across my face. I can’t help it. Amy’s a nice girl, and we had a nice night.

I tilt my head back and catch the stars against the black sky, and then I feel my smile start to fade. High up there, I notice Aquarius. Without even thinkin’, I trace with my finger its stars, until I get to the last one, and I whisper my grandpa’s words out loud: “The Star of Hidden Things.” The smile vanishes from my face. I think it’s replaced with thoughts instead. I’m happy that I met Amy. I’m sad that Brooke’s gone. I miss my grandpa, and I have no idea what The Star of Hidden Things is all about.

I stare at the constellation for a little bit longer. It’s as if my eyes are dipped in honey or somethin’. They slowly make their way around, movin’ from one star to the next until the pattern is complete. I do that over and over again. And when I’ve finally had my fill, I turn and gradually make my way back inside, leavin’ the black sky and its stars and my grandpa’s words solely to the night.