Laura Miller - My Butterfly

I heard something else slam hard against what sounded like a bed of a truck. The loud noise forced my eyes upward again. Then, suddenly, I stopped.

“Julia.”

She turned in the plastic chair and then quickly stood up.

“Wha…,” I started to say.

I swallowed hard and tried again.

“Did you forget something?” I asked.

I wasn’t sure if I had spoken loud enough for her to have heard me or even if I had spoken at all.

She was quiet for a moment, and she didn’t move. Then, I watched as her eyes fell into mine and stayed there.

“Yes,” she said, finally.

My breaths became short, and I tried to swallow again.

“I forgot how much I love you,” she said.

I watched the sides of her lips anxiously turn up. Then, suddenly, I noticed that I couldn’t move, and my heart began a violent pounding against the inside of my chest.

“Could you use a hand?” she asked, taking a quick glance around at the field of plastic chairs before settling her gaze on me again.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. And I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t speak. This went on for seconds, maybe even minutes. Then, finally, the words came.

“You’re beautiful,” I said.

A faint smile found my broken lips.

“You’re even more beautiful than in dreams,” I said, feeling my smile widen. “Though, I’m still prayin’ like crazy this isn’t one.”

Her pretty stare was still on me when I finished. She was smiling, but her eyes were pleading with me to do something. I remembered those eyes.

I forced my legs to come alive again, and I took a couple of steps in her direction, keeping my gaze locked in hers for my journey to her place in the field. And eventually, I planted my feet directly in front of her. But instead of taking her into my arms and squeezing her close — like I wanted so much to do — I stopped. I had one more thing to do that just couldn’t wait.

I felt my lips start to turn up as I bent down and touched one knee to the soil and the grass. Then, I reached into my jeans pocket, felt for a small box and pulled it out. I turned the box over in my hand, feeling its soft velvet against my fingertips. There was still a part of me trying to figure out if this were all real. But after a moment, I brought the velvet box to view in between us and lifted it toward her. And with my other hand, I took the lid and slowly pulled it back.

“Julia Austin Lang,” I began, “I love you more than anything in this world, and I could never imagine spending a second more of my life without you. And I’ve more than learned life’s lesson. I’m not gonna let you get away again.”

I paused to let my smile grow wider.

“Jules, will you marry me — some day very soon?”

I watched as her lips fell open and her hand rushed to cover them. Her green eyes were big and bright, but she made no sound.

I kept my eyes in hers, feeling every, exaggerated heartbeat in my chest.

Then, eventually, I spotted a smile behind her delicate fingers. And soon after, a nod followed.

I lowered my eyelids and then my head.

“Thank you, God,” I whispered to myself.

Then, I lifted my eyes to hers again. I was pretty sure a smile was permanently tattooed to my face as I rose to my feet. And once I was standing, I gently took her hand from her lips and slipped the ring onto her pretty ring finger. Then, I brought my forehead to hers and breathed in her perfume and her smile and this moment. And when I couldn’t take not holding her for one more second, I scooped her up into my arms.

She squealed her little, high-pitched squeal and wrapped her arms around my neck, as I put my lips to her ears.

“Thank you for coming back to me, Jules,” I whispered.

A moment went by. Then, I felt her breaths near my ear.

“I told you I’d come back,” she whispered, as she rested her head gently against my shoulder. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

“You ready?” I asked her.

She flashed me a wide smile.

“Okay, no turning back now,” I playfully warned her.

She shook her head back and forth and laughed that pretty laugh of hers.

“Everyone,” I announced, “this is my wife-to-be.”

I held Jules’s hand tightly in mine.

The heads in the tiny bar, which was more crowded than usual, all spun in our direction. I found Jules’s pretty eyes and waited for her to find mine. She did seconds later. I smiled at her with a smile that could only be for her. And as she held her gaze in mine, the corners of her lips started to rise again. And right then, I saw in her every moment that made her, her and every moment that made us, us. I saw her blond hair bathed in the sun’s rays as she sat atop a set of monkey bars, laughing and calling out my name. I saw the fire’s flames dancing on the gold in her eyes the night I knew she had found it in her heart to see me differently than her monkey-bar days. On her sweet lips, I saw the words she had wanted to say in the years we had been apart but just somehow couldn’t because it wasn’t the right time. And I saw all our goodbyes and our hurts written on her face, but now, they were also intertwined with our hopes and our dreams and the moments that now bind us together. And I couldn’t help but think right then: I love this girl.

“To Will and Julia,” I suddenly heard Jeff shout from the back of the bar.

“To Will and Julia,” the people echoed.

And then, as if it were fate itself smiling down on us — or maybe just Jeff, now standing at the juke box — a song came pouring through the walls. And it was a song about us.

“Our last, first dance?” I asked, extending my hand toward Jules.

She smiled at me again and then touched her hand to mine.

I took her hand and led her to the tiny dance floor. Then, I wrapped my other arm around the small of her back and pulled her close.

“Tell me this is real,” I said.

I could hear her softly laughing.

“I believe this is real,” she said.

“Jules,” I said then.

I pulled back and found her eyes.

“I’ll quit the firefighting gig,” I said.

She sent a puzzled look up to my face.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Why would you do that?”

“I know about your dad,” I whispered near her ear.

Her eyes started to gloss over.

“I mean, I didn’t know until just recently,” I said.

“No,” she said, stopping me and pressing her head against my chest. “I want you just the way you are.”

I paused then and let a slow and steady breath escape past my lips. Then, I pulled her closer, closed my eyes and let my head come to rest on the top of hers as I breathed in the smell of her hair and breathed out a smile.

“Will, you ready?” Jeff asked.

I found his goofy stare and then lowered my head and smiled.

“Right,” he said. “Ten years.”

I met his gaze again. He was smiling too.

“Let’s go,” I said, standing up and readjusting my collar.

As I walked past him, he put his hand on my shoulder and followed me out. We made our way across the street and through a grassy knoll. Then, I stopped when I saw the people. They were our family and close friends, and they were sitting around the gazebo that sat at the edge of the levee. I took a deep breath and then felt a smile start to edge up my face. A moment passed as I reflected back on the journey to this very place. Every grand adventure has its own missteps, right? Luckily, mine didn’t do me in.

“You have the rings, right?” I asked, eventually turning to Jeff.

I watched as he reached his hand into the pocket of his slacks, and suddenly, his face went blank.