James Cain - The Baby in the Icebox and Other Short Fiction

“Yes sir, a big market basket.”

“O.K., I tell you what you do. Put a couple of loaves of bread in it, put on your white coat, and get on over to this address on Mountain Drive. Co in the back way, knock, ask for Mrs. Brent. Make sure you’re talking to her, and that nobody else is around. Tell her I want to see her, and will she meet me tonight at seven o’clock, at the same place she used to meet me downtown, after she came from the hospital. Tell her I’ll be waiting in the car.”

“Yes sir, seven o’clock.”

“You got that all straight?”

“I have, sir.”

“There’s cops all around the house. If you’re stopped, tell them nothing, and if possible, don’t let them know who you are.”

“Just leave it to me.”

I took an hour that night shaking anybody that might be following me. I drove up to Saugus, and coming in to San Fernando I shoved up to ninety, and I knew nobody was back of me, because I could see everything behind. At San Fernando I cut over to Van Nuys, and drove in to the hospital from there. It was one minute after seven when I pulled in to the curb, but I hadn’t even stopped rolling before the door opened and she jumped in. I kept right on.

“You’re being followed.”

“I think not. I shook them.”

“I couldn’t. I think my taxi driver had his instructions before he came to the house. They’re about two hundred yards behind.”

“I don’t see anything.”

“They’re there.”

We drove on, me trying to think what I wanted to say. But it was she that started it.

“Dave?”

“Yes?”

“We may never see each other again, after tonight. I think I’d better begin. You’ve — been on my mind, quite a lot. Among other things.”

“All right, begin.”

“I’ve done you a great wrong.”

“I didn’t say so.”

“You didn’t have to. I felt everything you were thinking in that terrible ride that morning in the ambulance. I’ve done you a great wrong, and I’ve done myself a great wrong. I forgot one thing a woman can never forget. I didn’t forget it. But I — closed my eyes to it.”

“Yeah, and what was that?”

“That a woman must come to a man, as they say in court, with clean hands. In some countries, she has to bring more than that. Something in her hand, something on her back, something on the ox cart — a dowry. In this country we waive that, but we don’t waive the clean hands. I couldn’t give you them. If I was going to come to you, I had to come with encumbrances, terrible encumbrances. I had to be bought.”

“I suggested that.”

“Dave, it can’t be done. I’ve asked you to pay a price for me that no man can pay. I’ve cost you a shocking amount of money, I’ve cost you your career, I’ve cost you your good name. On account of me you’ve been pilloried in the newspapers, you’ve endured torture. You’ve stood by me beautifully, you did everything you could for me, before that awful morning and since — but I’m not worth it. No woman can be, and no woman has a right to think she is. Very well, then, you don’t have to stand by me any longer. You can consider yourself released, and if it lies in my power, I’ll make up to you what I’ve cost you. The career, the notoriety, I can’t do anything about. The money, God willing, someday I shall repay you. I guess that’s what I wanted to say. I guess that’s all I wanted to say. That — and good-bye.”

I thought that over for five or ten miles. It was no time for lolly-gagging. She had said what she meant and I had to say what I meant. And I wasn’t kidding myself that a lot of it wasn’t true. The whole mess, from the time we had started doctoring those books, and putting the money back, I had just hated, and they weren’t love scenes, those nights when we were getting ready for the next day’s skulduggery. They were nervous sessions, and she never looked quite so pretty going home as she had coming over. But it still wasn’t what was on my mind. If I could be sure she was on the up-and-up with me, I’d still feel she was worth it, and I’d still stand by her, if she needed me and wanted me. I made up my mind I was going to hit it on the nose. “Sheila?”

“Yes, Dave.”

“I did feel that way in the ambulance.”

“There’s no need to tell me.”

“Partly on account of what you’ve been talking about, maybe. There’s no use kidding ourselves. It was one awful morning, and we’ve both had awful mornings since. But that wasn’t the main thing.”

“...What was the main thing?”

“I wasn’t sure, I haven’t been sure from the beginning, and I’m not sure now, that you haven’t been two-timing me.”

“What are you talking about? Two-timing you with whom?”

“Brent.”

“With Charles? Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not crazy. All right, now you get it. I’ve known from the beginning, and I’m perfectly sure of it now, that you know more about this than you’ve been telling, that you’ve held out on me, that you’ve held out on the cops. All right, now you can put it on the line. Were you in on this thing with Brent or not?”

“Dave, how can you ask such a thing?”

“Do you know where he is?”

“...Yes.”

“That’s all I want to know.”

I said it mechanically, because to tell you the truth I’d about decided she was on the up-and-up all the way down the line, and when she said that it hit me between the eyes like a fist. I could feel my breath trembling as we drove along, and I could feel her looking at me too. Then she began to speak in a hard, strained voice, like she was forcing herself to talk, and measuring everything she said.

“I know where he is, and I’ve known a lot more about him than I ever told you. Before that morning, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to wash a lot of dirty linen, even before you. Since that morning I haven’t told anybody because — I want him to escape!”

“Oh, you do!”

“I pulled you into it, when I discovered that shortage, for the reason I told you. So my children wouldn’t grow up knowing their father was in prison. I’m shielding Charles now, I’m holding out on you, as you put it, because if I don’t, they’re going to grow up knowing their father was executed for murder. I won’t have it! I don’t care if the bank loses ninety thousand dollars, or a million dollars, I don’t care if your career is ruined — I might as well tell you the truth, Dave — if there’s any way I can prevent it, my children are not going to have their lives blighted by that horrible disgrace.”

That cleared it up at last. And then something came over me. I knew we were going through the same old thing again, that I’d be helping her cover up something, that I wasn’t going to have any more of that. If she and I were to go on, it had to be a clean slate between us, and I felt myself tighten. “So far as I’m concerned I won’t have that.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“And not because of what you said about me. I’m not asking you to put me ahead of your children, or anything ahead of your children.”

“I couldn’t, even if you did ask me.”

“It’s because the game is up, and you may as well learn that your children aren’t any better than anybody else.”

“I’m sorry. To me they are.”

“They’ll learn, before they die, that they’ve got to play the cards God dealt them, and you’ll learn it too, if I know anything about it. What you’re doing, you’re ruining other lives, to say nothing of your own life, and doing wrong, too — to save them. O.K., play it your own way. But that lets me out.”

“Then it’s good-bye?”

“I guess it is.”

“It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”