Philippa Carr - The Adulteress

“You mean … Lottie?”

“I mean anyone.”

He seemed to dominate my sitting room as he did every room. He sat down on a chair, crossed his well-shaped legs, flicked a speck of dust from his fine hose and regarded me with a kind of tolerant amusement.

I said I was shocked to discover what had been going on.

“You are too easily shocked, Zipporah … for a woman of the world.”

I hated the veiled suggestion in the words.

I said: “Understand. There is no betrothal between you and Lottie.”

“Oh, but there is! We have plighted our troth, as they say, and we have sworn that nothing … just nothing … shall stand in the way of our marriage.”

“ I shall stand in the way.”

“I don’t think you will, Zipporah. You are a very sensible woman. I have always thought that. I have admired you, you know. At first you gave the impression of being a little dull … but we know different from that. You are a woman who has lived dangerously. Oh yes, I have always had a great admiration for you, Zipporah.”

“Spare the praises. I can’t reciprocate.”

“You are rather ungrateful, aren’t you? Have you forgotten how once I saved your life?”

“You seem unable to forget it. And I am sure you had a reason for doing it other than saving me.”

“Well, I was fond of you … and there was Eversleigh. You had to inherit it. Who knew who that crazy old Uncle Carl might have left it to, failing you!”

“You are quite cynical.”

“I’m truthful. In your upright moments you surely believe in truth.”

“Dickon,” I said, “stop bantering. I want you to tell Lottie that you couldn’t possibly be serious because she is only a child. Tell her gently. Imply it was only a game. I don’t want her hurt.”

“It’s not a game. True, she is young yet. I have five … possibly six years’ courting to do. That’s all to the good. Look at you and Jean-Louis. I wonder if you would have married him if you had not been brought up with the idea that it was expected. That’s how I intend it to be with Lottie. I shall charm her more and more with the years and when she is sixteen she will realize that she cannot do without me.”

“It’s Eversleigh you want. You believe she will inherit it.”

“Of course.”

“If Lottie married you she would not have Eversleigh.”

“I think she would. Oh, you mean you will marry your doctor and you’re not too old to produce a child. You could manage it … a forceful woman like you. Is that the idea?”

“No,” I said. “It is not.”

“Listen, Zipporah, you are going to give your blessing to our courtship. You have no alternative. In the first place there is your reputation to think of. Then, perhaps even more important … there is the doctor’s.”

“Will you stop talking nonsense and talk sense.”

“This is sense, plain, hard, unvarnished common sense. Let me recapitulate a little. In the first place I know of your little flutter with the Frenchman. What is Lottie going to say when she knows that her father was not Jean-Louis but an unknown … gentleman. Very charming … very attractive, I grant you. But our dear little Lottie was begotten in sin, was she not? Owing to the adultery of her mother …”

“Be silent.”

“All right,” he said. “You wouldn’t want it known, I know. You managed it all very well. I admired you for that, Zipporah. But I knew all about it. I have always been observant and made use of that. I have my spies posted in convenient places.”

I thought: Evalina, of course! She must have seen him climbing into my room … perhaps she saw his leaving. But she knew and she passed the information on to where it could do me most harm.

“Nor is that all. You are deep, dear Zipporah. Why, you are a sinner such as I am. My heart goes out to you. You are not the sort of woman to accept meekly what fate deals out. You make life your own way. Now that is something I greatly admire. But we have to pay for our little adventures, don’t we? I know about you and the doctor, Zipporah. You would like that to be nice and respectable now. It is best with the medical profession … particularly when there have been unpleasant rumors in the past. Oh yes, I made it my business to learn about your doctor and his mad wife. … He was lucky to get through that. But he is another like us. He does not let life take charge of him. He’s a very worthy fellow … running a hospital for fallen women and the like … a philanthropist, no less. And then he falls in love. Poor Jean-Louis is in the way, but Jean-Louis is very sick. He needs the doctor’s ministrations, and one day he dies. Poor Jean-Louis! He died of heart failure, says the doctor. Now I have a strong suspicion that he died of an overdose of laudanum.”

I had turned very pale. He looked so evil standing there smiling at me.

“This is a ridiculous conjecture,” I stammered.

“Well, I daresay it could be proved, could it not? I think they can tell these things. They’re very clever, you know.”

“Do you mean to say you … you … would … ?”

“I am a very determined man, Zipporah. I want to marry Lottie and I want Eversleigh. It’s true that you could stand in my way. All I am doing is point out to you the foolhardiness of doing so.”

“It’s blackmail,” I said.

“It’s getting what I want. I intend always to do that, Zipporah.”

I turned away, too sick at heart, too frightened to speak.

Jean-Louis had killed himself—but I had not stood in his way. It was what he had wanted. Should I have stopped him? And if I had then would he not have tried again? I could have put the key somewhere else.

No, I thought, a person in Jean-Louis’s position should have the right to decide. Months, perhaps years of pain stretched out ahead of him and he had decided to end his life.

Because that meant giving me a glimpse of future happiness had I been to blame?

There were times when I called myself murderess as well as adulteress.

And there was Dickon smiling that cold insolent smile … putting all his cards on the table … his aces, which he would play with relish and ruin us … most of all Charles.

Charles could not afford to be involved in further scandal. It would finish his career as a doctor.

And I … how could I prove that Jean-Louis had taken the extra dose himself?

Dickon stood up and put his hand on my arm.

“Think about it, Zipporah,” he said. “I’d be a good son-in-law. You’d be surprised how good. I’ve always been fond of you. … You mustn’t stand in our way, though … and now I shall go and break the good news to Lottie that I am here.”

I did not know how to act. I could not bear to tell Charles what had happened. I did not know what action he would take. I felt he might say, “Let him do his worst. Let us tell Lottie everything and let her decide what sort of man this is she plans to marry.”

Lottie was a child. I could not believe that her feelings were very deeply involved as yet. But what could I do?

An idea came to me. Suppose she went right away … suppose she saw an entirely new world? Would such a prospect be attractive enough to take her away from Dickon?

It was a chance. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time.

In fact ever since I had thought of marrying Charles I had wanted to do this.

I went to the little ebony box which I always kept locked. I opened it and took out a small piece of paper.

Written on it were the words Gerard d’Aubigné, Chateau d’Aubigné, Eure, France.

I held it in my hands for a long time and I seemed to see his face smiling at me.

Would he remember? I was sure he would. He had sworn he would never forget but perhaps such vows came easily to men like him.