Philippa Carr - Changeling

So please, please , come back to me.

Your ever faithful Rebecca.

Perhaps it was a little hysterical. Perhaps it did not convey all I felt. But it was sincere. Benedict had had that effect on me. He had made me see my true feelings. He had made me believe in Pedrek.

The letter was posted.

Would he come? Would he forgive me for doubting him?

Just as I knew he could never be guilty, I knew he would come.

Benedict said to me: “Have you written to Pedrek?”

“Yes.”

“Telling him you believe in him.”

“I have.”

He smiled. “I want you to come to my study.” I went with him. He sent for one of the servants and when she came, he said: “Will you go to the nursery and bring Miss Belinda to me here, please?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll tell Leah to bring her.”

“There is no need for Leah to bring her. She knows the way.”

In due course Belinda came. She looked a little uneasy and suspicious and not without that certain bellicosity which I had noticed she assumed in Benedict’s presence.

“Shut the door and come in,” said Benedict.

She obeyed somewhat unwillingly.

“Now,” he said, “I want to talk to you. Cast your mind back to that time when you were at St. Branok’s Pool.”

She flushed scarlet. “I … I don’t have to talk about it. It’s, it’s bad for me. I have to forget it.”

“Perhaps you can forget it later. Just at the moment I want you to remember it. I want you to tell me exactly what happened … I mean the truth.”

“It’s bad for me, I don’t have to remember.”

“But I want to know.”

She was afraid of him, I could see, and I felt sorry for her. He was remembering that she was the child whose coming had brought about her mother’s death, and for that he could not forgive her.

“Come along,” he said. “Let’s talk, shall we? Let’s get it over.”

“It was Pedrek,” she said.

“We’ll start at the beginning. Why did you go to the pool? You weren’t supposed to go out at that time alone, were you?”

“I went to take a book to Mary Kellaway at the cottage.”

“Did you see Mary Kellaway?”

“No … he was there first.”

“What happened to the book?”

“I … I don’t know. He just … jumped at me.”

“Did Mary Kellaway tell you about the murderer who was found in the pool when they dragged it?”

“No, that was …”

“Not Mary Kellaway. Then someone else?”

“Mary Kellaway used to tell us old stories about the bells down the pool and knackers and ghosts and things.”

“I see. Then who told you about the murderer?”

“That was Madge.”

“Madge?”

“One of the maids at Cador,” I said. “She was often with the children.”

“So Madge told you about the murderer, did she?”

“Yes.” She smiled, remembering and momentarily forgetting her fear. “He’d been in the pool for a long time.”

“Did she tell you whom he murdered?”

“Yes, it was a little girl … well, not really very little. She was about eight or nine.”

“About your age. Did she tell you what he had done to the little girl?”

She was silent.

“She did, didn’t she?”

“Well, she said not to tell. She said we were too young to understand.”

“But you are clever and you did.”

She was rather pleased at the suggestion.

“Oh yes,” she said. “I did.”

“You didn’t like Pedrek Cartwright, did you?”

“I didn’t mind him.”

“I want a truthful answer. Why did you go out that evening, Belinda? Where is the book you took to your friend? What happened to it?”

“I … I don’t know.”

“You don’t know because there wasn’t a book. You didn’t see Pedrek at the pool, did you?”

“I did. I did. He attacked me … just like the murderer did … but I ran away.”

“Why, Belinda?”

“Well, I didn’t want to be … done that to, did I?”

“I mean why did you do it?”

“I didn’t do anything. I only ran away.”

“It’s no use lying any more. You went to the pool. You tore your clothes. You put soil on your face. You even scratched yourself. It was acting, wasn’t it, and you liked acting. It was a good game, and when they were all worried about you, you came back and told those dreadful lies.”

“I didn’t. I didn’t. I hate you. You’ve always hated me. You think I killed my mother. I didn’t. I didn’t want to be born.”

I was filled with pity and took a step towards her, but Benedict signed to me to stand back.

He said gently: “I don’t blame you, Belinda. I never have. I want to be good friends with you. Let’s try, shall we?”

She stopped crying and looked at him.

“We’ll help each other. I’ll help you and you’ll help me. Your mother would be very unhappy if she knew we were bad friends.”

She was silent. He went to her and knelt down beside her.

He said: “Tell me the truth. Tell me everything. You won’t be blamed for I am sure you had a reason for what you did. You love Rebecca, don’t you?”

She nodded vigorously.

“You don’t want her to be unhappy, do you?”

She shook her head. Then she said: “It was because … because …”

“Yes, yes?”

“It was for her.”

“For Rebecca?”

She nodded again. “She was going to marry him. I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to marry Oliver. We could all have lived together. It would have been nicer for her …”

“I see. So you did it because you thought you knew what was best for Rebecca? You are not very old, you know, to judge for other people.”

“I knew it would be lovely if we could all live together. What … what are you going to do to me?”

I went to her then and took her hands in mine.

“Do you hate me?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“He’s gone away, hasn’t he? He’s gone to Australia.”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t want him to. You do hate me.”

“No. I understand now. But it was a wicked thing to do. You must never do anything like that again.”

“It was only a game.”

“A game which has hurt a lot of people.”

“But I did it for you.”

“You knew you were wrong though, didn’t you?”

She started to cry again.

“But,” I went on, “you’ll feel better now you have told us. It’s always good to confess. Now you can start again.”

“I’m sorry, Rebecca. Oliver would have been fun to have with us and he would have married you. We don’t see him now.”

“But there is Mr. Marner. You like him, don’t you?”

“But he’ll go back to Australia.”

“Perhaps not for a little while.” I turned to Benedict. “I think I should take her back to Leah. I’ll tell Leah what’s happened.”

She suddenly flung her arms round my neck. “I did it for you as well,” she said.

“As well as for yourself. I know.”

“And Lucie, too. She liked him.”

“I understand. Now we are going to forget all about it. But promise me you won’t ever do anything like that again.”

She shook her head and clung to me.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go now.”

She did not look at Benedict as I led her out. I left her with Leah.

“There has been a bit of an upset,” I said. “I think she needs to be alone with you. She will tell you about it. I will later. But just now … soothe her, Leah.”

Leah always seemed to understand. She took Belinda in her arms.

I went back to Benedict’s study. He was waiting for me.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“She’s a strange child. I know she is my daughter but she bears no resemblance to her mother or to me. She is like a changeling. I have watched them from my study window sometimes. I find Lucie more appealing. Belinda bears me a grudge.”