Филиппа Карр - The Love Child

“We all feel that beside Harriet.”

“It’s unfair that some of us …” That little quirk of the mouth was obvious though she sought to control it. She went on: “Some people are born with everything and others …”

“Harriet wasn’t. She was poor, I believe. I think my mother said she was the illegitimate daughter of a strolling player and a village girl. My mother said that one could never be sure whether Harriet was romancing. However, I am sure she did make her way in the world.”

“Illegitimate! Harriet!”

“So my mother said. I shall know all about it one day when I read my mother’s journal.

Harriet would always get what she wanted though.”

“She has those exceptional good looks.”

“Yes, but it is more than looks. It’s her personality, her vital self. I think she’s wonderful. She can be unscrupulous, but somehow you forgive all that. I suppose anyone would forgive Harriet anything. My mother forgave her long ago. I don’t think my father ever did. He’s different… .”

I paused and Christabel said: “So we are going to the Eyot with Jocelyn tomorrow?”

“Yes,” I replied. “There we shall be able to talk freely. He will be going away soon.

Harriet is wonderful to have helped us so much.”

“How lucky you are, Priscilla. Things turn out well for you, don’t they? When I think of what your life must have been like … born into that beautiful household and your mother loving you as she did and old Sally Nullens clucking over you … and then this romantic lover comes along and it all works out beautifully… for you.”

“But he has to go to France. His life is in danger.”

“It’ll be all right … because it’s your life. Some people don’t have the luck.”

The excitement of seeing Jocelyn, my pleasure in being here, was dampened a little.

She had reminded me of Edwin’s going away and that my mother had arranged it, as I was sure she had. No, life was not going smoothly for poor Christabel, for Edwin was not the sort to go against convention. He was a young man who wanted to sail through life without conflict. He hated to disappoint people. I think he would rather be disappointed himself.

Christabel said: “I won’t stay. You must be tired. Let’s hope it is fine tomorrow.”

I did not attempt to detain her.

It must have been five minutes later when Harriet came in. She looked strikingly lovely in a loose gown of blue trimmed with yards and yards of ribbon.

“Not asleep?” she said. “I guessed you would not be. Too excited, I’m sure. I am so glad you came before he went. It will give you a little time to be together. Two young people in love! It’s your first love affair, eh? Does your mother know?”

“No. I cannot imagine what she would say. She thinks of me as a child.”

“Darling Arabella! She was always so easily deceived. She didn’t understand me one little bit. But I owe her a great deal. My life took a change when I arrived with a band of strolling players at the chateau where she was in exile. But you’ll know about that one day. I had my first lover when I was about your age … a little younger perhaps; I was living in a large house where my mother was housekeeper-companion to an old squire who adored her, and one of his friends took a fancy to me. He had charm and though he seemed ancient to me, I liked him. Not as romantic as your dear Frisby, of course, but he taught me a great deal about love and life and I have always been grateful to him.”

“It’s like you to be understanding, Harriet,” I said. “You always have been. You see, it happened so suddenly.”

“It often does.”

“We were in the cave…”

“I know. He told me. He adores you. I know exactly what it is like to be young and in love. You must make the most of it, dear child.”

“Harriet, do you think we could possibly marry?”

“Why not?”

“My parents would consider me too young.”

“Girls marry at your age, don’t they? Why shouldn’t you?”

“My father…”

She laughed. “Your father is like so many of his kind. I’ll swear he was adventuring when he was your age. Men such as he is believe there is one law for their sex and another for ours. It is for us to show them that this is not so. I have always snapped my fingers at men like that.”

“I hadn’t seriously thought of marriage … not yet, of course. I thought we might be betrothed.”

“Beware of betrothals followed by separations. They work only in rare cases. However, we have to think of getting him out of the country. That’s the first thing.”

“When, Harriet?”

“Before the week is out. Gregory has made most of the arrangements. It might well be within the next few days. So make the most of tomorrow. You’ll be able to talk in freedom on the Eyot. There’ll be only the gulls and the ghosts for company. Christabel will be there with you as chaperone but send her off to explore the ruins.”

“She will go willingly. She is completely involved.”

“Tell me abut Christabel.”

I told her.

“So your father brought her into the house.” A slow smile played about her lips.

“What did your mother say to that?”

“She thought Christabel very suitable for the post of governess.”

“Dear Arabella! Well, I’ll tell you something, Priscilla. Mistress Christabel is more than a little envious of you.”

“Envious of me!”

“I sensed it. Where does she come from? That rectory, you say. And her father was the rector.”

“She had a very unhappy childhood.”

“Perhaps that is it,” said Harriet. “Well, my dear Priscilla, it is tune you slept.

Good night. Bless you.”

She kissed me tenderly.

I slept little. I was too excited and I was looking forward to the next day with such intensity that I found it hard to think of anything else.

I was up early the next morning. There was a faint mist in the air and the previous night’s wind had dropped. It was arranged that we should set out at midday, and Harriet said that a basket of food was being prepared for us.

I was afraid to be too much in Jocelyn’s company for fear I might betray my feelings, and I was longing to be able to throw off this restraint and talk freely.

It must have been soon after eleven o’clock when I went to my room to prepare for the trip. I looked out of the window and saw Christabel in the garden talking to one of the gardeners. They were looking up at the sky and I guessed they were discussing the weather. I had been anxious that nothing should stop our going because I knew that very soon now Jocelyn would be crossing the Channel and then how could I know when I should see him again?

At half-past eleven Christabel came to my room.

“I have such a headache,” she said. “I woke up with it. I was hoping it would pass but I’m afraid it only grows worse.”

I felt apprehensive. Was she suggesting that she felt too unwell to come? There was soon no doubt of this for she went on: “Priscilla, I wonder whether you would mind very much …”

I said quickly: “Of course if you don’t feel well enough to come, you can’t.”

She was deeply concerned. “That it should be now …” she began feebly. This was the first time I had ever heard her speak of an ailment.

“I have had headaches in the past,” she went on. “Awful, blinding headaches. I thought I had grown out of them. The last one came a year or so ago. I had to lie in a darkened room until it passed.”

“Go to your room and lie down now,” I said.

“But I know what store you set on this. You want to be able to talk to him, don’t you?”

“I shall go in any case.”

She looked taken aback. Indeed I was a little amazed myself. A few days ago I should have thought it impossible for me to be alone with a young man. I thought of my conversation with Harriet. Harriet would have gone. She knew how to live. If I did not snatch this chance of being alone with Jocelyn I might regret it all my life.