Jennifer Murgia: Angel Star

“So how do you like Carver?” I asked as we walked toward a pair of swings.

“It’s better now that I’ve met you.” He cast me a crooked little smile, watching for my reaction.

I felt the predictable redness spread across my face as I chewed the inside of my cheek and I looked down at the grass.

“I’m sure you’ve made other friends.”

“No,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Not a single person besides me? That’s impossible.”

“Maybe I don’t want to make other friends. Maybe I’m happy with the one I already have.”

“Is that what I am? Your friend?”

My heart was pounding as his eyes sought mine and held them. Were the questions stewing inside me being answered? Then why was I so confused? Why was he so darned interested in me? And why was it easier to ask that instead of “Why wouldn’t he be interested in me?” I wished right then and there that I hadn’t been born so insecure.

Garreth pushed off the ground with his long legs, propelling his swing into the air. He held his arms taut as he leaned back, closing his eyes.

“Do you remember doing this when you were little?” he asked, his eyes still closed.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Did you ever pretend you were flying?”

“Okay, you win. I used to do it all the time.”

“Admit it. You still do,” he said with a smirk as his swing passed me once again.

I giggled. “Fine.”

Was it really so bad if he knew that every so often, when no one was around, I would still swing, that I still leaned back, feeling the air kiss my face like I was flying through the clouds high above the park. I couldn’t help myself. It was so much fun.

“Come on,” Garreth urged me.

He looked so content with the breeze mussing his hair, splaying his blond curls in all different directions. He looked like an extremely handsome little kid without a care in the world.

My feet pushed hard off the mulch and before long my swing was catching up with his. We looked over at each other and laughed. Then he grabbed the chains of my swing and we were going crooked together, bumping our knees into each other, trying to avoid the steel posts holding us up, which made us laugh harder.

“So tell me, how did your parents come to name you Teagan?” Garreth asked when we were done laughing.

“I don’t really know. I think my father was Irish or part Irish, anyway.”

“He’s not around?” he asked quietly.

“No. He sort of disappeared when I was little so I never got the chance to know him.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yes. Everyone tried to convince my mom that he had left us, but she was insistent that it was foul play. I guess lies are easier to swallow than the truth.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yeah, my mom misses him a lot.”

“I meant it’s a shame he never got to know you.”

I looked at Garreth swaying on his swing. He had such a way of spreading a warm feeling over me, a way of saying just the right thing, and I realized that played a huge part in why I liked him so much. It wasn’t because he was out-of-this-world handsome. It had nothing to do with his looks at all.

Here was a boy, starting over in a new school, who appeared to have everything going for him, so he could have chosen anyone he wanted to bring here today.

More so, he could easily choose to be the most popular kid at Carver High School, but he didn’t seem to want that. In fact, for today, he made me believe he wanted me.

“I think your name is beautiful.” Garreth smiled.

Once again, I blushed. “So who picked your name, your mother or your father?” I asked.

“Neither. I don’t have parents, biological anyway.”

A tiny gasp escaped me and I instantly felt horrible.

“Don’t worry. No harm done. I happen to live with a wonderful family.”

His beautiful smile told me to let it all go but I couldn’t let it evaporate that quickly. My thoughts flickered to asking him if he had a foster family, or was adopted, but I couldn’t bring myself to and I muttered a tiny but sincere, “Sorry.”

“But it has a pretty cool meaning, though. It means “light.”

How does he do that? No matter how stupid I act or feel, all he has to do is smile that perfect smile and it erases everything.

“It fits you,” I said with a smile.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“No. Just me and my mom.”

“So you two are very close to each other.”

“Very. We’re sort of all each other has.”

I thought of my mother and how she probably thought I was doing my homework right now. Guilt was sinking in.

“You don’t have to be nervous around me,” his soft voice whispered, sensing my unease and interrupting my reverie.

“I’m not, I…”

Garreth looked down at the ground. “You want to ask me about yesterday, don’t you?”

“I…” I stammered, making him look up at me.

“I can see it in your eyes.” His face was so close to mine.

“I really don’t know what happened yesterday,” I whispered back.

“Are you afraid to know?”

“Should I be?”

“Tell me something. Do you ever remember your past?

I don’t mean yesterday or last week, but do you ever wonder if you’ve lived before?” His voice was soft and reflective, sneakily changing the subject, and I slowly lifted my head to look at him again.

“Do you mean like feeling déjà vu?”

“In a sense, yes. But more.”

“Sure I do.”

I thought deeply for a moment. How else could I explain certain feelings and memories that pop up on me from out of nowhere, as if they had just happened yesterday? It was very similar to how I felt around Garreth, that strange sensation of being familiar with him even though he was very much a stranger to me.

Though I hoped to change that.

“What does this have to do with yesterday?”

“More than you know,” he said under his breath as he looked away. “Do you believe things happen for a reason? That it’s possible for certain people to come into our lives, to cross paths with us for a certain purpose? A part played in one master plan?”

He took the chains of my swing and pulled me closer to him. Our knees touched and nothing could prepare me for the shock waves that rolled through me. He smelled utterly delicious, as though he were surrounded by an ancient aura, something old and familiar…comforting. I was able to pick up a definite blend of vanilla and something more earthy, like teakwood, spicy and masculine.

“Do you believe that?” His eyes were deep with emotion as they intently searched mine, bringing me back to the conversation.

“What are you trying to tell me?” I whispered, mostly to myself.

It was hard to stay clearheaded around him. I caught that familiar scent again as his face bent toward mine.

My incense. My insides twisted with a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on, like a strange memory recessed too deeply for me to recall. He hesitated, drawing in a deep breath.

“Do you believe there is a heaven?” Garreth whispered, his face close enough that I could feel his breath on my hair.

“Yes,” I whispered back. How could I possibly tell him that if heaven were real it would be here. Now.

“And angels?”

My mind flashed back to yesterday…my foot slipping off the curb…Garreth coming to help me…the strange fact that no one else seemed to notice, as if time had stood still or had been reversed somehow. A couple of seven year olds invaded the quiet, racing for the jungle gym, but they were like silent ghosts to me as Garreth smoothed his thumb across my forehead, as though feeling where my thoughts came from. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart racing behind my ribs…wings came to mind.