Клаудия Грэй - Afterlife

She took his hand in hers, and I remembered what a shock it had been to me the first time I touched Lucas when he had no warmth, no pulse. He had always been the most alive person I’d ever known. No matter how many powers and abilities he now had as a vampire, there was no forgetting what he’d lost.

“Little brother, what happened to you?” Her voice shook.

“I keep thinking it’s a bad dream,” Lucas said. “But there’s no waking up. Not from this.”

“And yet — You’re still you,” Dana said.

Lucas sighed. “More or less me.”

“They never told us that, in Black Cross.” Dana wiped at her cheeks with the back of her free hand. “How come they never told us that?”

He turned his face toward the movie screen, where Cary Grant was striding along the deck of an ocean liner. I could tell he didn’t care about the 213 movie; he was fighting to remain steady. “Mom always said that, if she got turned, I should forget I’d ever had a mother. I guess she forgot she ever had a son, huh?”

Raquel put her hand to her mouth. That small gesture — compassion for a vampire — told me how much she, too, had changed. “It’s okay,” Lucas said, before he corrected himself. “It’s not okay. But it’s over.”

Dana swaddled Lucas in a bear hug, just as the soundtrack swelled. “I’ve always got your back, Lucas. You know that, right?”

“That’s good to hear, “I said, “because we need your help.”

While Deborah Kerr flirted with Cary onscreen, I explained what we were trying to do. Neither Dana nor Raquel hesitated for a second. “We can get you guys out,” Raquel said. “And we’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

“Black Cross taught me how to fake IDs nobody will ever catch,” Dana promised. “We can get you guys clear and free, for whatever you want to do next. What is that, exactly?”

Lucas and I looked at one another. We didn’t have an answer.

After the pause had stretched for a few seconds, Dana said, “Y’all can make up your mind about that later. Tell the others to expect us, okay?”

“And tell Balthazar — ” Raquel had trouble saying this, but she managed. “Tell him I should ‘ve done more, when I saw him last. I should have helped him out. like you guys did.”

“He’ll be okay,” I promised. “But tell him that yow·self, okay? Balthazar would probably like to hear it.”

Raquel nodded. “We should go. If anybody who was at Evernight last year sees me, there could be questions.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“You don’t have to thank me,” she said flrmly. We smiled at each other, and it felt so good to know we’d found our way back to being friends.

Once they’d gone, Lucas and I remained in the movie theater, watching the story unfold. Normally that would’ve been because there was no way 214 I would walk out of a Cary Grant movie. But this time, I felt as though the unanswered questions between us were weighing us down, so we were held in place.

Finally I said, “Where do you want to go after Evernight?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Never spent much time out west. Maybe we could try that.”

“Or Europe,” I suggested. “Balthazar says it’s actually easier to cross a large body of water than a river.” Lucas grimaced; the trip over the river on the way into town had shaken him. ‘If he says so.”

On screen, Cary and Deborah promised to meet one another at the top of the Empire State Building if their love held true. I took Lucas’s hands in mine. “I know it’s scary — going to a new place — ”

“I’m not scared of that. I never lived more than a few months in any one place — not once in my whole life. But what are we going to do? We couldn’t support ourselves in Philly, and that was when you could work, too.”

I hadn’t thought about it before, but being a ghost pretty much eliminated my chances of getting a job. “Mom and Dad will help us this time. They’ve got plenty, and besides, they know how to fit into the world. They’ll teach you. We don’t have to worry about that.”

Lucas didn’t like the thought of borrowing yet more money, I could tell, but that obviously wasn’t our biggest problem. “Sitting here, between Dana and Raquel — 1could hear their heartbeats.”

“You’ll get past the hunger. I know you will. Look at Balthazar, or my parents, or Ranulf.”

“It’s harder for me, and we both know it. And if I haven ‘t gotten any better at this after a couple months at Evernight, there’s not much chance I ever will.”

“You’re not crazy. You’ll never be a killer like Charity.”

“If I kill even once — if I ever slip, and God, Bianca, I just know in my heart I’m gonna slip — I’d rather be dead.”

“No,” I insisted, taking his face in my hands. “Lucas, I’ll always be here. I’ll never leave you. You have to promise not to leave me behind. You 215 have to be strong.”

Lucas’s eyes met mine, and I knew he was making me a more solemn promise than he ever had before. ““ll never leave you behind. Never. Whatever happens, we’re together.”

That should have made me happy, because I knew how deeply Lucas meant it. But instead, I realized what I’d demanded of him. He hated being a vampire, and suffered from such powerful blood hunger that it ground him down, every day, every moment. For him, going on like this was torture; our love for each other could only provide temporary comfort. He’d sworn to endure countless centuries of that existence rather than leave me alone. I could get Lucas to carry on, but he would never be right again. Nothing would ever really be right again. Our last shot at true happiness had died when Charity changed him.

I hugged him tightly, and he returned the embrace. His voice muffled against my shoulder, he said, “I wish she’d never showed me. It’s worse, knowing there’s a way out I can never take.”

Mrs. Bethany had shown him how to live again. She’d wanted to win him to her side, but she ‘d realized the other side, too — that if he turned her down, he’d be tormented by the possibilities forever.

I tried to tell myself that it would be okay, as long as we were together, but the world wasn’t that simple. I knew that now.

On the movie screen, Deborah Kerr was trying to reach the Empire State Building, but I’d seen the movie before. I knew she didn’t make it.

That night, I’d planned to enter Lucas’s dreams again. With Charity permanently exiled from his mind, it was finally safe for us to be together there. But, weighted with guilt from the night’s realizations, I felt as if I couldn’t face him yet. I drifted through the hallways, restless. For the first time, I really felt like a ghost.

I should put a sheet over my head, I thought. Start going “Boo!” eve.ry time I see someone. I could haunt the girl’s dorm, or the great hall — And then it hit me. If our plan worked the way we wanted it to, this was the last night I would ever spend at Evernight Academy.E Despite every terrible thing that had happened here, I realized, I loved so much about this place. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like never to be here again. This school had become a part of me — literally, now that I was a wraith. I had bonded to the very stones of this place. Even when I left forever, part of Evernight would always be able to draw me back.

So I went to all the places I remembered, hearing words spoken long ago, seeing everyone as we had been then. Raquel, on her first day here, scowling in the back of the great hall while Mrs. Bethany gave the welcoming speech. Balthazar, learning how to take pictures with a cell phone in Modern Technology class. Vic and Ranulf, stargazing with me out on the grounds. Patrice, braiding my hair for my first — ever date. Courtney, gossiping in the stairwell. Mom and Dad, smiling at me as we passed each other in the hallways between classes. And everywhere, Lucas: whispering to me in the library, running to rescue me after the fire last year, kissing me for the first time at the gazebo.