Jodi Meadows: Asunder

Cris nodded as she rounded the stone table. “Ana, I have to confess something first.” His tone made me shiver.

“What?”

“Please understand the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but”—he glanced at Stef, who didn’t react

—“I think you need to know.”

I waited.

“Janan is using us, yes, switching oldsouls and newsouls to feed himself. But he didn’t deceive us or trap us, in spite of these chains. We were told he’d gain knowledge and power to protect us when he returned, truly immortal. All we had to do was bind ourselves to him and he’d do the rest. We were afraid of the world, and of him, so we said yes.” Cris gestured around the room. “We all made the agreement to be bound. We chose to be reincarnated.”

It must have seemed like such an easy decision; after all, who wanted to die when you could live forever? “You didn’t know about the newsouls?” Surely they hadn’t known. Sam had been horrified when he learned the truth, and Stef and Cris were the same. The people I knew would never make that trade.

“Understand that we were young,” he whispered, his face ashen. “We were young and in a dangerous land that spat boiling water and mud. There were dragons and centaurs, trolls and rocs, plus the regular animals that live in Range. Half our number had already been killed on the journey here. We were—still are—terrified of death.”

Stef dropped her gaze. “It was selfish and desperate, but those were wilder times.”

“No.” I spoke as if denying it would change anything.

My heart beat itself into knots. I wanted to say I’d never make that decision, but how I felt nowknowing that no matter what I did, my life would be short—I might accept such a bargain. One more life with Sam, with music, with everything I ever wanted. All it would cost was someone who’d never know what they missed.

This would have been so much easier if I could have hated everyone for what they’d done.

Cris closed his eyes. “I don’t want to think about how many souls that is, especially considering how frequently some people die.”

“Hundreds of millions of newsouls.” Stef’s voice turned raspy. “I’m so sorry, Ana.”

I was sick and aching. Sam had made the deal, too. Sam who loved me.

It stabbed like betrayal no matter how I reminded myself it was so long ago. My Sam. My friend Sarit.

Lidea, who loved Anid so much. Geral, who thought Ariana was the most precious creature. All my friends. Everyone I’d ever trusted.

They’d all made the deal.

The people of Heart were so terrified of newsouls replacing them, but in truth, they’d been replacing newsouls for five thousand years.

A sob choked out, but I wiped my cheeks and tried to put the grief and anger aside. I was too worn to deal with it now. “Okay. So what’s your plan? How does remembering how Janan started all this help?”

Cris was quiet for so long I thought he didn’t really have a plan. “Someone needs to be able to open a door. I’ll do it.”

“Without the key?”

He closed his eyes. “ A key. Not the key.”

It took me a minute to follow. “No. You can’t.”

“I’m the only one who can.”

“No.” I scrambled to my feet, heart collapsing in on itself. “I won’t let you sacrifice yourself.”

“I’m sorry, Ana.” He stood, too, with ten times more grace. “It has to be me. The world still needs Stef.”

“The world still needs you .” I was yelling at a rock, because he just shook his head. “Society would have never understood farming without you. Greenhouses. Fields. Orchards. That’s because of you.”

“That was thousands of years ago.” He touched my arm, but I batted him away. “Now I grow roses. A noble endeavor, but not necessary for survival.”

“What?” Stef peered between us. “What are you talking about? Why don’t you want him to open a door?”

“Because without the key, there’s only one way to make a door,” I said.

She shook her head, looking weary. “Please remember I’ve been kidnapped and starved.”

“Cris”—I pointed and growled his name—“thinks he’s going to do whatever Janan did: get rid of his body; become part of the temple.”

“ What ?” Stef was on her feet in an instant, shrieking at Cris.

“If you do it, you’ll be as bad as him. You’ll have to consume souls to survive, and someone will have to be the Hallow, and how will both you and Janan fit in the walls? I’m sure he won’t be happy about sharing his space with you.”

Stef stood inches from Cris, yelling as loud as she could while he stayed silent, waiting. “Why do you think this is going to work? For all you know, you’ll just stick a knife in your chest and die.”

“Even if it does work,” I said, “in five thousand years everyone will have to stop you and they’ll feel bad because you’re otherwise nice.”

Stef and I both stopped to breathe at the same time, and Cris cut in.

“First of all, I don’t have followers like Janan did.” He motioned around the room at our skeletal audience. “If I’m not reincarnating anyone, I won’t get souls. These skeletons are bound in chains. They’re bound to him .”

“What if it changes?” My throat hurt from yelling, and my head throbbed with anger and betrayal.

“What if suddenly you’re supposed to switch souls?”

“I wouldn’t do it.” He sounded so calm and certain, like he didn’t think it would be a temptation.

“Ana, I promise. Knowing what I do, knowing you, I understand what we sacrificed so long ago.” He touched my hand, softly enough that I could barely feel his fingers tremble. “I’m so sorry, Ana. We don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I can try to put things right.”

“How is that?” I wanted to hate him and his stupid plan, but now that I wasn’t yelling, my body felt limp and heavy.

“I will become part of the walls, like Janan, then open a door.”

“No.” I crossed my arms. “This is a crazy plan. You don’t even know if it will work.”

“Wouldn’t you need a Hallow?” Stef asked. “I’m not chaining myself up like those two.” She pointed at Deborl, and one of Meuric’s toe bones I’d missed.

“There’s no need for a Hallow.” He smiled at her, all grim determination. “Janan needed one to help bind his followers and guard the key, but I won’t. No souls. No sacrifices.”

“You’re talking about sacrificing yourself.” My words squeaked out. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be.

“For you.” He took my hand, his five thousand years evaporating. He looked young and scared, just like I felt, and his hand sweated over mine. “You haven’t had a hundred lifetimes, and even this one has just begun. There’s so much you still have to experience. No matter what happens with all this”—he gestured around the temple—“I need to give you a chance.”

A million things happened inside me at once, most prominently my heart squeezing up to my throat, and my stomach flip-flopping. Grateful and sick and filled up with misery.

“Cris, no.” I didn’t want to die, though, or be trapped forever. I wanted to live, to have experiences. I wanted to see the world with my single short life. But Cris…

“Think of it as a gift, if it helps. One you can’t turn down.”

Stef stood nearby, eyes round as if she’d begun to accept what he was going to do.

“Janan is too strong. You can’t beat him,” I whispered, half saying the words because I knew I should.

“He’s had five thousand years to gain power. You will be new and weak. He won’t let you stay in the walls.” He needed to see how futile his plan was.