Christina Henry: Black Lament

I felt Samiel shaking his head behind me. His arms tightened. Beezle fluttered in front of me. Nathaniel coughed, gasping for air.

“Maddy, you have to calm down,” Beezle said.

“I will not calm down!” I screamed. “I want him dead!”

“He didn’t kill Gabriel,” Beezle said. “He’s not Azazel.”

“No,” I spat. “He’s Azazel’s lackey. He sold people’s memories to vampires. He sold children’s memories. He knew Azazel was planning to rebel against Lucifer. And he tried to kill me the last time we saw him; do you remember?”

“He’s a cockroach, I agree. But if you kill him like this, you’ll never forgive yourself,” he said.

“I’ve killed plenty before,” I said bitterly.

Ramuell. Baraqiel. Amarantha.

“To defend yourself, or someone else,” Beezle said. “Not like this. You’re not a cold-blooded murderer.”

I thought of Azazel again, and said, “Yes, I am.”

I could—I would—kill Azazel without a shred of pity or remorse.

Nathaniel got to his feet, rubbing his throat. The sight of him made me furious all over again.

“You’d better run,” I said, struggling against Samiel’s grip. “Because when I get down I’m going to finish what I started.”

“I will not run,” he said. “I came to speak with you.”

“I’m not sure this is the best time,” Beezle said to Nathaniel. “She seems a little… unreasonable right now.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” I said. “I’m not a child.”

“Then cease behaving like one,” Nathaniel said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re not doing yourself any favors here, pal. What did you come here for?”

“I told you, to speak with you.”

His calm demeanor was making me angrier, which hardly seemed possible. There was a well of rage inside me that I had barely tapped. I’d been so foggy with grief that I’d forgotten how furious I was until I saw Nathaniel.

“How can you stand there like that, arrogant as ever? How can you stand there and pretend that you’ve done nothing wrong?” I said.

“Because I have spoken with Lord Lucifer and atoned.”

I froze, blank with shock. “You… what? You spoke to Lucifer and he didn’t strike you down on the spot? You participated in Azazel’s rebellion!”

“I had no other choice,” Nathaniel said icily. “Azazel was my master, the lord of my court. I must do as I am bid.”

“That’s a really convenient load of bullshit,” I said. “You had choices. You could have chosen to go to Lucifer when you had foreknowledge of the rebellion. You could have saved the lives of the people that were killed before you sucked their memories from them. You could have done a hundred things differently and in the end you chose to do exactly what you were told even if you knew that it was wrong.”

“If I had defied Azazel, I would have paid for it with my life,” Nathaniel said. His voice had an undercurrent of anger.

“So you chose your own worthless skin over the lives of innocents,” I said, letting my contempt show on my face.

“Regardless of my past actions—” he began.

“Your past actions are very relevant,” I said.

“Will you allow me to complete a sentence?” Nathaniel said angrily.

I’d finally cracked his icy façade. Yay for me.

“No,” I spat. “You deserve no courtesy from me.”

“Last time you saw her you did call her ‘hell’s own bitch,’” Beezle pointed out.

“Lord Lucifer has heard my plea and accepted me as a part of his court,” Nathaniel said.

“What you mean is that Azazel’s plan didn’t go the way he intended, and he abandoned you, so you were forced to crawl to someone else,” I said.

“You have never respected me,” Nathaniel said, his eyes sparking furiously in the light from the streetlamps.

“No, I haven’t,” I said. “I don’t see why I should have to.”

“You were my betrothed.”

“Do not bring up that farce of an engagement again,” I said through my teeth.

“It was not a farce to me,” he said. “When Azazel told me that you had married the thrall…”

He looked lost suddenly, vulnerable in a way that I had never seen him before. But his reference to my husband as “the thrall” set me off again.

“That’s why I could never respect you. Because you cleave to this ridiculous notion that you were better than Gabriel.”

“I was,” Nathaniel said. “You were the only one who could not comprehend what an insult it was for you to marry one such as him.”

I thought I’d reached maximum rage, but apparently I was wrong.

“Get off my porch. Leave this city and never come back.”

“That will be extremely difficult,” Nathaniel said, icicles dripping from every word, “as Lord Lucifer has bid me protect you as my penance.”

“No,” I said, pushing at Samiel’s arms so he would release me. “No.”

Samiel tightened his grip, and I turned to look up at him. He cocked his head, asking me with eyes, Can I trust you?

“I won’t attack him,” I said. “I promise.”

Samiel looked like he wasn’t sure.

“I won’t,” I said again, and he let me go.

I marched up to Nathaniel, who took a half step back. Good. He’d better be afraid of me.

“Now, hear this,” I said softly. “I don’t care what Lucifer says. I will never submit to this.”

“Lord Lucifer has said that I am to protect you,” Nathaniel said tightly. “That, I will do.”

“And the first time your life might be threatened you’ll run away with your tail between your legs. I can take care of myself, and that ought to be abundantly clear by now,” I said with a pointed glance at his still-bruised throat. Angels heal fast, so I must have really damaged him for the marks to still show.

“You cannot refuse Lord Lucifer,” Nathaniel said, and there was a touch of desperation in his voice.

I had a feeling a lot was riding on his ability to get me to cooperate. Too bad.

“Watch me,” I said, and walked into the house.

“MADELINE!” NATHANIEL CRIED.

I slammed the foyer door behind me and unlocked the door to my apartment. Beezle and Samiel hadn’t followed me in. I wondered what they were doing.

I wondered what Lucifer had planned now.

I hung up my coat, took off my boots and realized I’d left the groceries out in the snow. A second later Samiel and Beezle came in. Samiel carried the grocery bags into the kitchen, patting me on the shoulder as he went by.

I looked at Beezle. “What’s Lucifer up to?”

Beezle shrugged. “It is not for me to comprehend the ways of the Morningstar.”

“He had to know that I wouldn’t accept Nathaniel,” I said. “Why send him here?”

“Lucifer has to be thinking of the child,” Beezle said. “He wants the baby protected.”

I looked at Beezle incredulously. “And you think that Lucifer thought Nathaniel was the best choice to protect a child he will no doubt despise because of its parentage?”

Beezle shook his head slowly as the smells of something cooking came from the kitchen. Samiel was getting pretty good at turning a small amount of ingredients into something delicious.

“No. I think that Lucifer presented an unappealing option that he knows you’ll refuse out of hand so that he can then send you the person that he really wants here.”

I nodded. It made sense. It was exactly the way Lucifer operated.

“And his leniency toward Nathaniel is no doubt dependent on Nathaniel’s ability to get me to cooperate,” I said.

“Which is why Nathaniel is still on the porch,” Beezle said. “He said he’ll sleep there if he has to.”

I thought about calling the cops to remove him, but Nathaniel would just return over and over again until he got what he wanted. I didn’t believe that he cared about me one whit. I knew for sure that he cared about keeping all his body parts in their proper places, and that meant that he would go to any lengths to please Lucifer.