Suzanne Young: A Desire So Deadly

I’m standing at the edge of the world, staring out at the ocean. The beach is rocky beneath my bare feet, grit between my toes with broken seashells, sharp and jagged. I take in a deep breath, filling my lungs with salty air. It feels so good to be alive. To be back.

“I thought you left me again,” he says from behind me. “Was sure of it, actually.” His voice is on the wind, blowing over me and breaking my heart. “But we’re together now. We’ll restart. We’ll—” He pauses as I turn to him slowly, my long red braid slipping over my shoulder. Harlin’s eyes weaken, unable to disguise his pain. He reaches to run his finger over the ribbon tied to the end of my hair. “You’re different,” he whispers. “How will I find you?”

My eyes well up, and I step forward into his arms, hugging myself close to him. “I don’t know,” I say. “Guess you’ll just have to look harder.”

Harlin’s breath is warm against my skin, even as the air surrounding us quickly chills. I don’t want to let him go—because the minute I do, he’ll be gone forever. But the cold is starting to burn the bare skin of my forearms, the backs of my legs; the icy breeze burrows into my clothing, searching out my soul.

I close my eyes, holding tighter to Harlin. The edges of the scene begin to fray, and I pull back to take a final look at Harlin. His hazel eyes search my face—trying to memorize me before we both evaporate. “I love you,” he says miserably. “No matter who you are, I’ll always love you.”

I lean forward to kiss him one last time, but it’s too late—I’m falling. Ocean waves climb to catch me and pull me under, burying me before dragging me out, away from Harlin. I try to scream to him, but the salty water fills my mouth and chokes me.

And then I’m gone, alone again in a vast nothing.

The waves chase me as I crawl away on the hardened sand of the beach. When I pause to choke up a little more of the Pacific Ocean, my red surfboard floats beside me, knocking hard into my knee. I was so close. I drag the back of my hand across my mouth and then fall on my side, heart pounding beneath my gray wet suit. I unzip it at the neck and try to catch my breath.

“Claire?” Ezra yells, dropping to his knees and sending a spray of sand over my cheek. The morning sun is blinding, and I blink against it until my boyfriend comes into focus. When I smile, he exhales loudly and then collapses into the sand next to me.

“I’ve gotta tell you, Becks,” he says after a second, “that was a pretty major wipeout. I thought you were a goner.”

The sun is radiating heat strong enough to evaporate the water off my skin. The sound of the waves laps in the distance. “Almost got on the board this time,” I murmur, running my fingers up Ezra’s arm and over his chest as I hug myself closer to him. “Did you see?”

“Sure did. But I also saw you face-plant. You’re completely fearless, you know that, right?” When I smile against his shirt, he chuckles. “No, Claire. Not in a good way.”

I start laughing, and Ezra leans in to kiss my forehead. He’s right. Surfing is not getting easier, and I really bit it hard this time. My neck is killing me.

“Give up the bet,” he says. “At least for my sake. You belong on land, where you can’t get washed away with the current.”

“You and Soleil already know how to surf, so maybe I feel left out,” I tease. “You like being able to do something I can’t.”

“Not even close to true.”

“You like it a little.”

He watches me for a moment, squinting from the brightness surrounding us. “I like you a little.”

“A lot.”

“Yeah. A whole hell of a lot.” He lifts his head to kiss me. I can still taste the saltiness of the water, and the mix of beach and Ezra is enough to make me forget all about where I’m supposed to be right now. At least until I feel the buzz of Ezra’s cell phone in the pocket of his khaki shorts.

Ezra fishes out his phone, still kissing me, and holds it up to glance at the screen. He tries to slide the phone back into his pocket, but I quickly grab it away. Before nine a.m., chances are the call is for me. None of Ezra’s friends would be up this early, and my cell phone took a bath in the ocean last week.

My best friend’s name shows up on the caller ID, and I give Ezra a little shove before pressing the receiver to my ear. “Hey, Soleil,” I tell her, climbing to my knees and brushing the sand from my suit.

“Just checking on your progress,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. In the background there’s the murmur of conversation.

“It’s going great,” I lie. “Are you in class already?”

“Yeah, I had to finish up the study guide, so I’m here early. Are you on your way?”

“Uh-huh,” I say, even though I’m still on the sand. “But you’re not copying my homework.”

Soleil laughs like she wouldn’t dream of asking. “I’m almost done anyway, so hurry up. There’s something here you have to see. Talk soon,” she sings, and hangs up.

Although it’s almost September, it feels like my class at Deseo Community College has cut my summer short. My boyfriend and his friends still have another week to sleep in and stay up late before the start of their senior year of high school. Wish I was still a senior.

“Time to go,” I tell Ezra, grabbing his hand as I get to my feet.

“Or . . .” he says, stepping in to wrap his arms around my waist, “you could ditch, and we’ll lie around on the beach all day.”

I brush his blond hair to the side, gazing into his eyes as I consider his offer. A splash of cold water covers my bare feet, snapping me out of my trance. I look down and see the surfboard hovering in the water a moment, half-covered in sand. “I can’t stomach any more failure,” I say, glancing back at Ezra. “I’m leaving this on the beach.”

Ezra bends to grab the surfboard anyway, ignoring the same empty threat I’ve been making for weeks. He tucks the board under his arm. It looks short next to his tall frame, even though I nearly killed myself dragging it down here from the car.

Ezra’s sandals scrape along the concrete as we start toward my mom’s Jeep. The parking lot is still deserted, which was why I chose this beach in the first place. The real waves (and the real surfers) are on the other side of town.

Ezra tosses the board through the open back window and slaps his hands together to shake off the sand. Although I need to get going, I’m not quite ready to tear myself away from him, so I rest against the car, and he makes his way over. He grins, effortlessly handsome in that sun-kissed California way. When he stops in front of me, I lean into him.

He smells like soap and ocean, and I kiss him slowly, drawing out the moment as long as I can. But eventually I feel the buzz of his phone once again and pull back. I have to go.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Ezra asks, kissing me quickly before backing away. I hear a bus pull up behind us, a loud whoosh of air breaking through the otherwise quiet morning. Ezra holds up his hand, and I watch as he turns to head in the direction of his house a few blocks away.

“Excuse me.”

Startled, I turn to find a girl standing next to me. She’s model tall (at least compared to me), with porcelain skin and black hair in a sideswept pixie cut. Her long black dress and eyebrow ring make her look completely out of place in our laid-back beach town.

“Sorry if I scared you,” she says, looking around helplessly. “I’m pretty lost.”