Suzanne Young: A Desire So Deadly

In the distance, I see a small glowing light. It’s so far—but I stretch my hand in that direction and instinctively call for help. Water slips inside my mouth. I try to cough but end up breathing in icy ocean water. It burns my nose, squeezes my throat. I claw at my skin, feeling like there’s an invisible rope strangling me. I try to get the water out, but with each try, I only bring more in.

The light is glowing brighter, but black dots of suffocation crowd my vision as I move toward unconsciousness. My eyes slip closed, and I force them open, wishing for someone to save me. Wishing to save myself.

“That’s it?” a voice whispers near my ear. Even though I know it’s not possible for her to talk underwater, I can feel her icy breath drift across my shoulder. “You’ll give up that easily? I must say, what a disappointment.”

“Claire?”

I convulse weakly, and turn to find the source of the voice. But it’s too late—I’ve drowned. All at once a shadow drapes over me like a dark blanket, blotting out all light, all hope.

And I die.

I jolt awake in my bed. I cough, frantically trying to choke up the water. It takes a minute for me to realize where I am. I’m home. My skin is damp with sweat, not ocean water, and I’m shaking.

“Claire,” River says. I look around my room and find him in the doorway. Night has fallen outside of my window, and I’m overwhelmed with relief to see my brother. It was just a dream. I’m not dead. Holy shit, that was intense.

“Sorry to wake you up,” River says, flipping on my light. “You said to let you know when I was leaving. I’ll see you there?”

I glance sideways at the alarm clock on my side table. Ezra will be here soon to take me to the bonfire, so I should get up. Get ready. Even though River’s here and my parents are probably just outside in the living room, I’m too frightened to set my feet on the floor, afraid of being swept away by an unseen apparition under my bed. I wait, up to my neck in blankets, until River leaves. And it isn’t until the nightmare has faded completely that I peel back my sheets and get ready for the bonfire.

Ezra and I pull up to our spot at the beach. The fire isn’t visible from the road, hidden behind a series of boulders jutting out of the sand. It isn’t illegal to be here at night, but we don’t want it advertised either.

“I hate that you don’t have a phone,” Ezra says, looking over as he yanks up the emergency brake. “Your brother doesn’t sound quite as sexy.”

“I’m sure your bromance will work itself out eventually.”

Ezra laughs, reaching over to take my hand, tugging me closer. “I missed you today,” he says. “We can always skip the party and hang out at my house.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow. “Will we watch Lifetime movies with your mom?”

Ezra leans forward to kiss me, his arm wrapping around my waist to pull me tighter against him. “We can stay here,” he whispers against my mouth, his touch beginning to blot out any other plans I had tonight. We’re thoroughly exploring our options when the lights of another car flood the front seat, and I pull back. The car parks, but the moment has passed.

“You’re such a tease,” I say, and then check my reflection, swiping away any smeared lip gloss before turning back to smile at him. Normally I would find this car make-out kind of hot, but the day is still off. Besides my morning meltdown, I might be feeling a little guilty for my straying thoughts of Harlin.

“We should go,” I say, nodding toward the beach. “I’m sure your fans would like to see you.” My boyfriend is the reigning king of all things handsome at Deseo High School. Homecoming king, prom king, and he’ll probably win them both this year too.

Ezra blows out a frustrated breath and then watches the couple climb out of the car that just parked in front of us. “You know you’re the only one I’m here to impress, Claire.”

“I am impressed,” I say, giving him a long stare-down. Ezra laughs loudly, leaning in to give me one more quick kiss before opening the driver’s door. Everything seems to have snapped back to normal, and I smile as I grab my beach bag from the floor and get out.

Ezra locks the car and then appears next to me, taking my hand as we head across the sand. Every other Friday is like this—a bonfire on the beach, all our friends with the occasional new face of someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

As we round the rocks, Ezra lifts his hand in a wave when his friends call out to him. I wasn’t joking about fans; they really do idolize him. They’re all a year younger than me, but luckily my brother has moved on from the cradle-robber jokes to the Ken-and-Barbie ones. I’m glad—they’re less embarrassing.

Ezra gives me a squeeze before going to join his friends on the other side of the fire, and I maneuver through the people to where Soleil has taken up residence on a sun-bleached log. She hands me a red plastic cup when I sit down next to her.

“Your brother’s playing glow-in-the-dark Frisbee with the girls’ soccer team,” she says, sipping from her drink. “Why is he such a social butterfly today?”

I glance sideways, noting that her usual playful expression has slipped. She may have had too many drinks. Although Soleil may not like River, she definitely likes when he likes her. Clearly they have issues.

“Maybe he’s looking for attention,” I offer. The last thing I want to do is talk about my brother’s love life, and I start to scan the faces by the fire, hoping to find a new topic. I take a drink from my plastic cup and wince at its sugary sweetness. I set it aside.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Soleil asks. “This party’s a bust. I need something pretty to stare at.”

I laugh. “You know Ezra. He’s probably making plans for an after-party already.”

“Always liked that guy.”

Across the sand, I notice a darkened figure coming toward the fire. I lean forward to see who it is. The silhouette is long and tall, and I don’t recognize her at first. When the amber light hits her face, I’m surprised to see the girl I gave a ride to this morning. But I’m even more surprised when Ezra walks up to her and starts talking like they’ve known each other forever.

“Who’s she?” Soleil asks, tipping her cup toward Lucy.

“A new girl in town. I gave her a lift to the Cordova Apartments today. I’ll be right back.” I start toward Ezra and Lucy, the cold sand sifting through my sandals. The air is crisper the farther from the fire I get. Neither seems to notice me, but then Lucy turns suddenly like she expected me to be there. I stop. A chill runs over my skin.

“Hey, Claire,” she says. At the sound of my name, Ezra looks over, all smiles. “This is a really cool spot,” Lucy continues. “Hope you don’t mind if I crash.”

“Of course not,” I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention it earlier. Surfing concussion.” I look between her and Ezra. “Do you guys know each other already?”

Ezra grins. “Nope. I like meeting new people, though.” Ezra has always been kind of flirtatious, but not in a way that makes me jealous. He really is just friendly.

“Lucy, this is my boyfriend, Ezra. Ezra, this is Lucy—she moved here from . . .” I pause, forgetting what we’d talked about earlier.

“Thistle, Arizona,” she says. “Shitty little town. But it’s full of some great people. Anyway”—she shoves her hands in her pockets—“mind if I grab a drink?”

“I’ll walk you over,” I reply. Ezra says he’ll catch up with us later and returns to his buddies, who immediately eye and whisper about Lucy. I can tell Ezra’s proud to return with information. He and Soleil are similar in that way.