S. Yule - Lycan Christmas

She sat back down feeling a bit better about not being a prisoner. She hadn’t really given much consideration to such a thing to begin with, but she hadn’t thought things through thoroughly up to this point either. If she wanted to belong here, fit in, she had to trust that her safety was and likely would always be an issue.

“If rogues are so bent on creating such chaos, why don’t they just turn a bunch of people and create their own army to fight you?”

“Only potential mates can be changed, which is an exceptionally fortunate thing considering the concern you just raised.”

“Yeah, I guess it is, indeed.” She’d wanted to know these things, but it was all intimidating and frightening to her. “So you are telling me that if a rogue gets to me, he can bite me and change me against my will?” She gulped and swallowed hard.

Lorent sat next to her. “I can’t imagine what it is like for you to be learning all of this, as I’ve lived with it my entire life, but you are safe here. I promise I will never let anything happen to you.”

She forced a smile to her lips. She believed he meant everything he said, but he could never be certain he’d be there to protect her in every situation that might arise. Life was too unpredictable, and she knew that as well as anyone. She turned to him.

“Lorent, I believe, if possible, you would protect me in any harmful situation I might find myself in, but I don’t expect you to be able to protect me from everything. No one can promise a thing like that.”

“I can.”

She reached out to him and took his hand in hers, not missing the way he stiffened under her touch. Did he not like it when she touched him? She watched him for signs that might indicate he didn’t enjoy her touch, but she didn’t detect any. In fact, she got the impression he liked her to touch him, but maybe wasn’t sure exactly how to respond to her. He’d made such a big deal about not touching her on their walk to the Learning Center, maybe he wasn’t supposed to touch her. Maybe it was one of the rules here at Sanctuary.

“Lorent? Do you not like it when I touch you? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way.” She kept his hand enclosed in hers, waiting for him to respond, refusing to let go unless he told her he didn’t want to touch her, not that he wasn’t supposed to touch her. If he didn’t want her touch, so be it, but she’d be damned if she followed some rule that said he couldn’t touch her because she was a potential mate.

Friends casually touched one another all the time. Yet she couldn’t deny that his touch evoked a bit more than friendly feelings in her. He was gentle, and he turned her on with his intensely quiet nature. But she wasn’t fooled by that calmness either, as she didn’t miss the way the predator lurked in him, or the way he kept control over it when it got too close to the surface. She’d seen the way he’d watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking, and if she wasn’t mistaken, friendship had been the furthest thing from his mind as well. Yet at every turn, he closed down around her, refused to let her get too close.

But all that could be between them was friendship. While she was fairly certain she was capable of feeling more for him, she wasn’t for him. Someday he would find his mate, and where would that leave her? Or, someday she might find her mate, and where would that leave him? She imagined the hurt she might feel from his rejection, and she never wanted to inflict such hurt on him either.

She couldn’t fathom falling in love with someone only to have them walk away at some point for someone else. While she understood that a force of nature like fate might not give him or her a choice in the matter if one or the other’s soul mate were to happen along, she couldn’t come to terms with giving someone her heart only for them to reject it, no matter the reason.

Lorent was a man any woman would be lucky to have, and if she allowed herself to do so, she’d fall hard for him, but did she want to risk subjecting her heart to the pain of him possibly leaving her?

She’d only known him for a short time, but she could see beneath his shy exterior enough to know he was a kind man by nature. She could see him capable of that fierce, but tender love most women only dreamed about. If Lorent ever gave his heart to someone, it would be a forever thing, and she didn’t wish to put him in a situation where he might have to choose between loyalty and his soul mate.

Yet, she’d feel the same way. If she gave her heart to Lorent, she couldn’t imagine ever walking away from him for any reason, even her soul mate.

Could she hurt him like that? And if she chose to turn her back on her soul mate, the decision would forever remain a lurking shadow of doubt between them. No. It was best if she didn’t let her feelings go beyond friendship. She had to be careful, but she did want to be there for him.

He was a walking contradiction. On one hand, he was open with her about basic things like nature, reading, and cooking, and displayed genuine concern for her feelings, yet he didn’t seem to know how to open up or share anything personal about himself. He wanted her to do those things, but closed down in return.

“I, um . . .” He cleared his throat and tugged gently at his hand, then frowned when she refused to relinquish her hold on him.

“If you honestly don’t want me to touch you, tell me. I’ll understand.”

“It’s not that. I just, well, it’s—” He blew out an agitated puff of air that bounced his bangs off his forehead before they settled back into a tousled fringe.

She’d never seen someone look as torn over a simple question. Just because it seems simple to you, doesn’t mean it’s simple to him. True. She tried to live her life without casting judgment on others from her own personal experiences.

Everyone was different, and reacted to things in different ways.

“Never mind.” She released her grip on him, and started to pull her hands back when he stopped her. She jumped, startled at the sudden change in him.

His fingers loosely circled her wrist, and his skin was at least three shades darker than her own. The contrast made her appear even paler. Dark hair sprinkled lightly along the back of his hand and fingers, and she wondered how it would feel if he were to brush them against her. She imagined the hairs would feel soft but springy, and maybe even tickle her a bit.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me.” His words were quiet, almost a gravelly whisper, and she had to lean closer to hear him. “I’m not supposed to get too close to you. I’m required to protect you, but there are certain rules, and—”

“Lorent, I would never intentionally do anything that might get you in trouble, but surely those rules can’t say that you are never allowed to touch anyone.”

“No. They don’t say that, but you are a”—he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them once again—“destined mate.”

The conflict that burned in his hazel eyes made her chest squeeze around her heart. Did he yearn for his mate? Did it bother him to be around her knowing she was meant for someone else? She leaned even closer, mesmerized, drawn in by those hazel pools. “A destined mate can still be a friend to one who is not her mate, can she not?”

Was that her voice? It was husky, almost sexy. She had to lick her suddenly dry lips, and when his eyes dropped to her mouth, she caught a brief glow of light in them. He leaned closer, and now they were only a couple inches apart.

“Yes, but—”

“Why do your eyes do that?”

“Do what?”

They were so close she could feel his hot breath on her face as he spoke, smell him—a blend of wild and woodsy she found quite appealing. “Glow.”