Gary Johns: A Mother’s Mistakes

Chris was still filled with emotions the following Saturday. He sat at the breakfast table in a tee shirt and jogging shorts eating a bowl of cereal thinking about what he should do. His anger had only grown during the week and he knew that it would eat at him until he said something.

"Good morning Chris," Allison said as came into the kitchen and went over to make her morning cup of coffee.

"Morning," he mumbled in reply.

She set the coffee maker and turned to Chris. "Chris, we have to talk," she said firmly. However, inside she felt anything but firm.

Chris looked up at his mother and said, "Yes we do."

His response surprised Allison. She was the one that needed to talk to him… talk to him about his peeping on her and using her panties to masturbate with. It was a delicate subject, but it needed to be discussed.

Before Allison could react, Chris said, "I saw you."

"What?" Allison answered looking at him curiously.

"I saw you and… and… the guy you were with."

A foreboding feeling cascaded over Allison. "What are you talking about? What guy?"

"I came home last Friday night because Jeff was sick with the flu."

"You… you what? What are you saying?" she asked, her voice raising several tones.

When Chris heard what he thought was defiance in her voice he said, "Come on Mom, I came back into the house and you and that guy were on the sofa in the family room having sex."

Allison’s head was suddenly spinning. She had to think. This was the last thing she expected. She steadied herself, calling on every bit of nerve that she could muster. Knowing that the best defense was a good offense she responded with as much force as she could, "You were spying on me?"

Chris laughed. It wasn’t a humorous laugh. "You’re bitching about me spying on you when you were fucking some stranger?"

"Don’t you use that language around me young man," she said angrily, placing her hands on her hips. However, inside she was melting. Her stomach was tied up in a knot and she found it hard to breathe.

"You’re incredible mother."

"I saw you too," she returned.

"Saw me what?"

"I saw you spying on me when I was naked in my room. Don’t you deny it?"

Chris felt his face flush.

"I also saw you in the bathroom with my panties. What kind of pervert jerks off into his mother’s soiled panties?"

Suddenly Chris was on the defense. What he had done was perverted and he had no excuse.

"What do you have to say about that?" Allison pressed.

"Noth… nothing," he choked. Then suddenly he realized what she had done. "Wait a minute," he yelled. "I may have jerked off into your panties and spied on you, but I didn’t suck some guy’s cock and fuck him behind Dad’s back. What do you have to say about that?"

"I told you to watch your language," she responded in a scream. She knew she was in a weak position, but she had nothing else.

Chris was emboldened by her lame response. "Are you a 'nasty cock sucker, ' mother?" he said. He knew that he had made a big mistake the second the words were out of his mouth.

Allison’s hand flew out to hit him across the face, turning his head to the side, and leaving a hand print on his cheek. A small cut formed at his lip.

Tears appeared in his eyes from the power of the blow. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. Suddenly he turned and stormed out of the room and upstairs.

Allison stood frozen in shock. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. She had never raised her hand to her son. Suddenly she broke into uncontrollable sobs and staggered over to a chair and sat down. The only good thing was that Bradley was playing golf this morning.

Chris was on his bed with stereo headphones on when he heard a tapping at the door. He ignored it.

Allison tapped on the door again and then pushed it open. She walked slowly into the room.

Chris glanced at her and could see that her eyes were wet with tears. He stared up at the ceiling, ignoring her.

She walked over and sat down on the corner of Chris’s bed. She wiped her eyes with a Kleenex and stared at a poster-covered wall, remaining silent, but for an occasional sob. Finally she spoke. "I’m sorry," she whispered.

Chris heard her, but still chose not to respond. He didn’t know what to say anyway.

Allison finally looked at her son. She saw his eyes on hers for a second, but he they turned away quickly. "I’m sorry about hitting you and about… about everything." She broke into heavy sobbing.

Chris sucked in a deep breath and took off his headphones. He looked at his crying mother, wondering what he could possibly say. He felt his anger fade as his heart melted with her tears. Finally he summoned up enough courage to speak. "I’m sorry I called you a nasty coc… uh… those names," he whispered.

"Thank you," she whispered, drying her eyes again. She conjured up enough nerve to ask the question that had been on her mind the entire time. "Are… are you… are you going to tell your father."

Although Chris knew that the question was coming, he still wasn’t prepared to answer. He didn’t know what he was going to do. "I don’t know," he said honestly.

The two fell silent for a long time. Finally, Chris spoke again; his voice was strained with thinly veiled emotions. "Why? Why did you do it Mom?"

"It’s a long story." She wiped her eyes, but the tears kept coming.

"I’ve got time. Tell me." Chris’s voice was softer. It was more of a request then an order.

Allison got up and walked over to the window and looked out. It had started to rain. That would mean that Bradley might be coming home from the golf course soon. "This weather has been crazy lately," she said idly.

"Fine, then don’t tell me then," Chris said.

Allison came back over to the bed and sat next to Chris. She reached for his hand, which he pulled away. She persisted, pulling his hand to her lap. She sighed. "Chris I’ve made some big mistakes in my life, but having an affair was the biggest. It started about a year ago. I never wanted it to happen… never planned it. I wasn’t looking for someone. She paused for a moment and caught her breath. "After your father had his by-pass two years ago, he lost all desire for me. He was never all that interested in sex, but with the medicine and such, he lost the little interest that he had."

Chris suddenly wondered if he really wanted to hear this.

"Your father is a lot older than me, but I am still in my prime… sexually speaking."

"Oh Jesus," Chris said.

"You said you wanted to hear this. Do you want me to stop?" Allison squeezed Chris’s hand, half hoping that he would say yes.

There was no going back now. "No. Go on," he said.

"Well, about a year ago, I met Jason at a business function. We talked and had a few drinks… I guess more than a few. The next thing I know is that I’m in his car and we’re kissing. One thing led to another and well, we started an affair."

"That sounds too simple to me," Chris said. "There has to be more to it."

"It is pretty simple, but it always gets complicated." Allison wiped her eyes again. "That’s how it started. I just needed someone to hold me… someone to make me feel like I was needed… like I was a desirable woman." Allison started to sob again. "A woman needs to know that she’s needed… loved."

"Dad was that cold to you?"

"Not always. Don’t get me wrong, your Dad has been good to me. He has worked hard… maybe too hard.

"You’ve worked hard to Mother. You’ve built a great career." Chris wasn’t sure why he said that. It was almost as if he were defending her.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me," she said, squeezing his hand again and smiling through her tears. "I was naïve when we got married. I know I wasn’t much of a lover. Your Dad was my first." Allison sighed again and looked at the rain now hitting the window hard.