Laurann Dohner: Brawn

“I’m sorry, beautiful. I’d rather hurt myself than you.”

Becca could hear the honest distress in Brawn’s voice. It forced her to get a grip on her emotions. “It’s not you. I swear you didn’t hurt me during sex. It’s…just me. I’m a mess inside. Please, Brawn. You didn’t hurt me.”

“Then why are you crying? Look me in the eye as we talk.”

She sniffed. “We have nothing in common. I’m not what you want. You…” She sniffed again. “You and I can’t work out. We need to stop seeing each other. It’s only going to be harder once the baby comes if we don’t end this now.”

His body tensed behind hers. “I am not going to end us, Becca. Never. You are mine.”

Becca started to cry again. She heard a door slam and thought it was from another suite. Brawn held her firmly and his body was cocooned around hers from the back.

“I’m here,” Trisha panted. “What is the emergency?”

Becca tensed and lifted her head to gawk at Trisha. The doctor wore a pink jogging suit and carried a bag. Their eyes met and Trisha moved toward the bed.

“Brawn said he might have injured you during sex, Becca. Where are you hurting? Is there any bleeding? Cramping?”

“She says I did not injure her during sex.” Brawn sighed. “I do not know why she cries but I see pain in her eyes, Trisha. How do I help her?”

Trisha dropped her bag and sat on the edge of the bed. She met Becca’s tear-filled eyes. “What is it, Becca? Talk to me. You have Brawn really worried. Trust me. For a Species male to call out for help this way, he’s really worried. Did he accidentally hurt you during sex? Talk to me.”

Becca bit her lip. “I was married before.”

Trisha blinked. “I remember. I was surprised when I found out because your last name is the same as your father’s.”

“I took my maiden name back after my husband died.”

“Do you feel guilty over having a baby when he is dead?” Trisha’s features softened. “That’s normal but you know you shouldn’t.”

Becca wiped at tears. “My marriage was miserable.”

Trisha gave her a compassionate look. “You’re afraid to commit. That’s understandable.”

Becca shook her head. “Bradley was an investment broker. He wanted a wife who came from money and my grandfather was loaded. He thought he’d have an in with my grandpa and get the job of handling his money if he married me. I thought he loved me but it wasn’t me he wanted.”

“Shit.” Trisha handed her a tissue she pulled from the bag. “I’m so sorry.”

“What is an investment broker? Why would he want in with your grandfather? In where?” Brawn propped his head up on his arm.

Trisha answered. “He thought marrying Becca would make him rich through her family. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” Trisha glanced at her.

Becca blew her nose. “He didn’t know my gramps planned to leave it all to charity, that I wouldn’t be rich when he died and was only left part of his property. Bradley was furious when he found out he wasn’t even allowed to sell my house. My grandpa has a clause that my father has to agree to sell too since he owns the other half and Dad won’t ever do that. Ever. In other words, he couldn’t touch it.”

“Good for your grandpa,” Trisha muttered.

“To make matters worse, I embarrassed him around his friends because I didn’t understand much about his job or what he did. We had nothing in common. I tried to be what I thought he wanted but I could never make him happy. We were both miserable. The only reason we didn’t divorce was because he didn’t want to admit he’d made a mistake to everyone. It would have embarrassed him more than I did and been bad for business. People trusted him with their money but they like family men to do that. Not single divorced guys who drink, party and could be playboy types. I didn’t divorce him because my father had told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life getting married. I’m stubborn and I kept thinking if I tried harder I could turn it around and save our marriage.”

The room remained silent. Becca was glad she couldn’t see Brawn, with him snuggled behind her. She didn’t think she could continue talking if she had to look him in the eyes. It was important though that she make him understand why she was crying and why they could never work out.

“My husband had a rare heart defect we didn’t know about. They only discovered it during his autopsy. He wasn’t with me when he died. I lied and said he was away for a business trip but it wasn’t the truth. Our sex life was almost nonexistent. He rarely touched me. I thought…” She sniffed. “I thought something was wrong with me. I tried so hard to figure out what I was doing wrong and be what he wanted sexually but it only made him angry when I tried. He’d yell at me and sleep on the couch.”

Brawn softly growled and his arm around her tightened. Becca didn’t turn to look at him, instead kept her gaze locked with Trisha’s.

“The police came to our condo to inform me Bradley had died in another woman’s apartment. They’d been having an affair for months and he kept her a few blocks away, rented the place as their love nest. He was into things—liked to wear leather and had his mistress whip him. He was into pain. When I got his personal items from the coroner that’s what I got in the bag. He was wearing a leather outfit when he suffered the rupture in his heart. She’d been spanking him when he died. I saw a shrink afterward. I was pretty confused and emotionally messed up. She told me that some men need to be dominated the way Bradley obviously did, that some men enjoy that kind of pain to get off and he knew I’d never be into that. It’s why he rarely touched me. It’s why…” Becca wiped her eyes. “No matter what I did, I could never have made him happy.”

“I’m sorry,” Trisha said softly. “The shrink was right. I’ve heard of this before. Some men marry one sort of woman but have a darker side they hide. It’s the deceit and the lies that flip their switch.”

Becca shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t want to make the same mistake twice and end up being that unhappy again. I just can’t take it.”

Trisha frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”

Becca cleared her throat. “Can I talk to Trisha alone, Brawn?”

“No.” His hold on her tightened. “Tell me why you are crying and why you are crying over your dead husband. Do you still love him?”

“God no!” Becca immediately regretted her outburst. She locked her gaze on Trisha.

“Just talk to me and try to forget he’s here. He’s worried and he needs to know why you’re so upset.” Trisha’s voice softened as she glanced at Brawn. “You just be quiet and let her talk.”

Becca took a breath. “The first time I saw Brawn I thought…” She sniffed. “I thought he had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. He was so hot. I was attracted to him instantly. I—” She suddenly laughed. “I thought he’d make a great stripper with that body and wished I could see him out of his clothes.”

Trisha grinned. “They do like to dance. You should have Brawn take you to the bar at the hotel.”

“Then he told me why he would never touch someone like me.”

Brawn tensed. “Becca—”

Trisha shot him a glare. “Shut up. Not a word. Let her talk. If you won’t leave than be quiet and stop interrupting.”

He softly growled but he didn’t speak. Brawn shifted on the bed, getting more comfortable. Becca realized he wasn’t going to leave.

“Keep going. Talk to me,” Trisha urged. “I want to hear this. Why wouldn’t he be with you?”

“He thinks we’re too frail. He likes not to restrain himself, to have rougher sex than our bodies can handle.”