Kelly Jamieson - Lost and Found

“It’s not just your decision! You two are a couple! What if it was Krissa? What if she couldn’t get pregnant and she wanted to adopt? Then what would you do?” Nate shook his head.

Derek turned his head and gazed across the bar. He tipped his beer glass up and drained it into his mouth, rapped it down on the table. “I’d consider it.”

Nate’s jaw dropped. “What the…? How could that possibly make a difference?”

Derek turned a cool gaze back to Nate. “You don’t get it. I can’t get my wife pregnant. I don’t want the whole world to know that. If we adopt, everyone will know. I’ll be…” he stopped, as if he couldn’t even say the words.

“That’s not right. People don’t think like that.”

“I do.”

And by the firm set of his lips and the narrowing of his eyes, Nate knew that Derek had made his decision and his logic made perfect sense to him, if to no one else.

This tension between them had never been there before. They’d been friends since high school, when they’d met on the school triathlon team. They’d shared a similar athletic talent, similar goals, had competed for the attention the school’s star athlete would get…until the race where Derek had stepped into a hole while running, tripped and sprained his ankle only minutes from the finish. The two of them were far in the lead and Nate could have left him and easily won. But he’d stayed to help his team mate and they’d crossed the finish line together, Nate holding Derek up as he limped along.

Now, things felt different, and Nate couldn’t quite put his finger on it. People change in two years, and he supposed it served him right if his relationship with his friend suffered because he’d disappeared. Derek’s problems made him a different man, no doubt, and—Nate had to be honest—he himself was a different man than the one who had left two years ago.

“You want to talk about being a failure. How about a photographer who can’t see? You wanna see humiliation? What the hell am I going to do, Derek? If I can never take these goddamn glasses off. How about my career?”

Derek’s shoulders dropped. “Fuck. I’m sorry, man. With all this shit going on, I totally forgot.”

Nate gave a mirthless laugh. “Yeah. That’s why I’m sitting here in a dark bar wearing sunglasses. People probably think I’m a cocaine addict.”

He saw the look on Derek’s face.

“I’m not.” He, too, finished his beer.

“I know that. Geez. So, tell me what happened.”

Nate told his pathetic story, about his Costa Rican adventure gone all to hell, ending with a hospital stay and damaged eyes. He hated to sound pathetic, but what the hell. Derek had told him his sad story. Might as well have a big pity party right there at the Shark Club on State Street.

Once again, Nate found Krissa in the kitchen in the morning, reading the paper and drinking coffee. She looked like she’d just come from a funeral. Or had a really bad cold. Still gorgeous though, luminous green eyes surrounded by long thick eyelashes, glossy dark hair falling over her shoulders and down her back.

She wore plaid flannel shorts and a gray T-shirt. Pretty ugly clothes. Bare toes tipped with pink polish rested on the rung of the stool and the way they curved around it fascinated him, made him ache with tenderness. Her small toes almost looked like a child’s and reminded him of the reason for her unhappiness.

“Good morning.” She looked up, then quickly away, as if she was embarrassed.

“Morning.” He knew where the coffee mugs were now and helped himself. “You okay?”

She nodded. “I’m really sorry about last night, Nate.”

She was apologizing—to him! “No need,” he said curtly, not looking at her.

“Yes. I was rude. I was just…”

“I know. Derek told me.”

“He did?” Her eyes widened and her lips parted. “Oh.”

“You sound surprised.”

“Well…he…yeah.”

“He’s my friend.”

“I know.” She folded up the newspaper and pushed it over to him. He found the sports section, but it was damn hard to read the small print with dark glasses on. He gave up.

“What do you want to know?” She dragged the paper back to herself. “Baseball? Dodgers?”

He stared at her. She flipped open the paper and her eyes moved up and down. “Dodgers five, Marlins two.”

“How’d you know…?”

“I remember. You were a big baseball fan. Remember when the four of us drove to L.A. for a game?” She smiled wistfully. “That was fun.”

He said nothing. He remembered. It had only been a couple of weeks before Lauren’s car crash. It had been fun—two happy couples, carefree and innocent. He and Lauren had just found out they were going to be parents. A surprise, but a good one. They hadn’t even told anyone.

“Thanks.” His voice came out scratchy and he cleared his throat.

“I really liked Lauren,” Krissa continued. “She was a sweetheart. So funny and kind. So loyal.”

Nate choked on his coffee. “Yeah, right.”

She gave him a funny look.

“How about the Angels? Did they win? I think they played Tampa Bay.”

She turned her attention back to the newspaper. “Lost. Eight-six.”

“Damn.” He sipped more coffee. “Don’t you ever work?”

“Yes. I work from home. I have some things to do for a presentation I’m doing next week. But I should be able to get that done this morning. After lunch, I need to go shopping.”

“Ah.”

“For groceries.” She smiled.

“Oh. Can I come?”

She lifted a brow. “You want to come grocery shopping?”

“Yeah. I like food.”

“Okay. Sure.” She shook her head. “Derek won’t set foot in the grocery store.”

“I’ll cook dinner for you two one night,” Nate offered. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing extra because I’m here. I don’t want to be any trouble. I know I showed up at a bad time.”

Her mouth twisted. “Kind of bad, yeah.” She hitched a small shoulder. “It’s okay, though.”

He studied her. “What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?” She tipped her head to one side.

“Sounds like Derek’s pretty firm on not adopting.”

“Or having me impregnated with another man’s sperm.”

“Uh…yeah.” He shifted on his stool. “So…? You’re okay with that?”

Her full lips pushed out. “No. I’m not okay with that.” She swiped up a drop of coffee off the granite counter with a fingertip. “I don’t think Derek understands how much I want children.”

Children. Plural. One baby from China wasn’t going to do it.

“Why?”

She frowned at him.

“Why is it so important? And why doesn’t Derek get it?”

“It’s the most important thing in the world,” she said slowly. “It’s what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like …” she hesitated, looked around the room. “I feel like I have all this love in me.” She put a hand over her chest, drawing his attention to her breasts beneath the grey cotton. He couldn’t help but notice she wore no bra, pointy little nipples poking through as she pressed the fabric to her chest. “I have to…share it. I need to. I want to bring a new life into the world and…love it and look after it.” Her eyes glistened.

Ah, shit, she was going to start crying again. He glanced around for a box of tissues, but saw none.

“Do you know what I mean?”

He recalled the emotions that had chased through him at the news he was going to be a father. Excitement. Awe. Fear. Because, like she said, it was so important. Screwing up was not an option. He nodded. “I guess so.”

“Derek doesn’t. And now I feel so betrayed. I thought he understood, I thought he felt the same until last night. We’ve talked about what we’d do if we couldn’t have children of our own. But…” She hesitated.