Susan Pfeffer - This World We Live In

“If the van is all you have, Julie and I can’t take it,” Alex said. “We’ll go by foot. We’ll find bikes along the way, maybe another car. We can manage.”

“No,” Mom said. “The air is awful, and Julie shouldn’t be out in it any longer than necessary. Hal, if you drive Julie and Alex, when do you think you’ll get back? Tomorrow night?”

“Maybe,” Dad said. “Or Wednesday afternoon. That way we could make sure Julie’s settled in. And there’s no way of knowing what the roads are like.”

“Lisa and Gabriel can stay over here,” Mom said. “If they’ll feel more comfortable.”

“No, they’ll be fine,” Dad said. “Charlie will look after them. Maybe Jon could spend the night.”

“Then it’s settled,” Mom said. “And I don’t want to hear another word out of any of you.” She glared equal time at Alex and Matt.

“Miranda, would you like to come along?” Dad asked. “I’d love your company, and I’m sure Alex and Julie would, too.”

“Yes,” I said before anyone had a chance to say no for me.

“Is that a good idea?” Mom asked. “Ninety miles. That seems so far away.”

“Please, Mom,” I said. “I never go anywhere. You let Matt and Jon go all by themselves to the river. I’ll be in the van with Dad.”

Mom hesitated. “Alex, would you mind?” she asked.

“No ma’am,” he said. “I think it would be easier on Julie if Miranda was with us. On Hal, too.”

“He’s right,” Dad said. “It would make losing Julie hurt a little bit less.”

“You’ll be back by Wednesday?” Mom said. “You and Miranda?”

“I don’t see why not,” Dad said. “Maybe even tomorrow night.”

Matt shook his head. “It’s a bad idea,” he said.

“I’m not sure it’s a good one,” Mom said. “But all right. Miranda can go.”

I got up and hugged her and then I hugged Dad. As I broke away from him, my hand touched Alex’s.

Alex and I will be together, I thought. We’ll see that Julie is safe together, and then he’ll know he belongs with me.

When I got to Dad’s this morning, I found Lisa in a state of hysterics.

“How can you take her from me?” she was screaming at Alex. “Hal, don’t let him. I’ll hate you both if you take her away.”

Gabriel, who doesn’t need much excuse to get going, was screaming almost as loudly.

“I don’t want to go,” Julie said. “Alex, don’t make me go.”

Alex yelled something in Spanish at her, which shut her up. Charlie picked up Gabriel and soothed him. Dad held Lisa, stroking her back until she calmed down.

“She’ll only be ninety miles away,” Dad said, which used to mean “We can visit on weekends” but now means “That’s not quite the end of the earth.”

“She’s the only person who understands,” Lisa said. “The rest of you just pretend to. Julie knows what I’ve gone through not knowing what happened to my parents, my sisters.”

“I’m sorry, Lisa,” Alex said. “But I have to take her. Hal, can we go now?”

“We’d better,” Dad said. “Lisa, darling, I’ll be back tonight. Tomorrow at the latest.” He kissed her and Gabriel, hugged Charlie, and half pushed Julie out of the house. Alex did the other half of the pushing.

I thought Julie might cry, but she was silent, the way Alex can be. I had mixed feelings. I knew I’d miss Julie, and I felt bad for Jon and Lisa. But I was excited at the thought of leaving Howell for the first time in over a year. And I was so sure that once Julie was in the convent, Alex would agree to stay with me.

Julie and Alex had returned our clothes to us yesterday and had all their belongings in their backpacks. We threw our sleeping bags into the back of the old van. Mom’s van and Matt’s car and Mrs. Nesbitt’s car hadn’t started when Dad tried them last night, and Matt was so angry at himself that he picked a fight with Syl. They stayed up half the night yelling at each other.

Jon was mad, too. He’d gone over to Dad’s last night to say good-bye, but Mom refused to let him go again this morning. So he was curled up in a corner of the dining room, trying not to cry.

It seemed like an excellent time to get away from home.

Dad did the driving, and I sat next to him. If you didn’t know better, you’d think we were a family, maybe a divorced dad bringing his kids back to their mom after a long weekend. Of course we were a bilingual family, since the only conversation I could hear between Alex and Julie was whispered in Spanish.

Even on the highway Dad stuck to 30 miles an hour. The engine sputtered, and at one point it overheated, and Dad stopped driving until it cooled down. I didn’t mind. Everything was gloomy and gray and there were no signs of life anywhere, but it was still thrilling to be away, and there was no hurry to get back home. Alex and I had all the time in the world to be together.

I realized the second time Dad stopped to let the car cool down that I might never get this far from home again. Mom wasn’t going to leave, with food still coming to us and electricity practically every day and with as much wood as we’d ever need to stay warm. Syl might want to go (that seemed to be one of the things she and Matt fought about last night), but Matt won’t leave Mom or the rest of us behind. I guess if Dad and Lisa leave, Jon might go with them. But why would Lisa go anywhere, when traveling’s dangerous for the baby.

So this trip was it for me, summer camp and college and honeymoon all rolled into one. The fact that it was going to end at a convent didn’t dampen my excitement. It’s not like I’ve ever been to a convent before.

“How do you know about this place?” I asked after I’d gotten sufficiently bored trying to figure out what Alex and Julie were going on about. “From the Fresh Air Fund?”

“No,” Alex said. “Our priest told me about it a year ago. They were taking girls in, but Julie was too young then.”

Julie muttered something in Spanish. Alex muttered back.

“If your priest approved of it, it must be a good place,” Dad said.

“Yes,” Alex said. “That’s why Carlos thought it would be good for Julie.”

“There’ll be girls your age there, Julie,” Dad said. “That will be nice for you, having friends again.”

“Jon was my friend,” Julie said, which set Alex off on a Spanish torrent.

Dad ignored him. “Jon’s going to miss you,” he said. “We all will.”

“It’s for the best,” Alex said. “Julie’s going to a safe place. God will look after her there.”

“That’s a comfort, I’m sure,” Dad said, slamming on the brakes. “We’d better clear those branches off the road,” he said. “I can’t risk driving over them.”

“I’ll do it,” I said. Alex joined me. Dad had done a good job driving over and around potholes, but the roads were in awful condition, littered with branches and other garbage. Mostly it wasn’t a problem, but occasionally we had to stop and clear things out of the way.

“I hadn’t realized you’ve known about the convent that long,” I said. It made me feel better to learn that Julie would have been at the convent for a year if she’d been old enough to go last summer.

“It’s a good place,” he said. “The sisters will look after her. They’ll learn to love her.”

“We have,” I said.

Alex nodded. “You’ve been very good to her,” he said. “Your family’s been very kind to both of us.” He grabbed the biggest branch and dragged it to the side of the road while I carried some smaller ones. I looked through the front window of the van and could see Dad had turned around to talk to Julie.