Daphne Lamb - The Girl's Guide to the Apocalypse

“Can’t hurt,” I said. “Who knows where we’ll be tomorrow.”

“Oh, my god,” she said, fanning herself with her hand. “What do I even say?”

“You could say hello,” I said. “Or tell him about how you were in high school when he was born.”

She covered her mouth. “I really liked him in that one thing,” she said. “The one where he played that guy…what’s it called? You know the one. He wore a suit.”

I turned to Bruce, thinking for some reason that he would find Debra just as amusing as I did. But he gawked just as hard at Steve Harks as she did.

“You okay?” I asked.

“That’s Steve Harks.”

“That’s what I keep hearing from the two of you,” I said. “Stars! They’re just like us.”

“Do you think I should tell him about my play?” Bruce asked.

“The one that’s been cancelled indefinitely,” I said. “Can’t hurt.”

“I’ll bet he could help me out. Think of the networking I could be accomplishing.”

“I doubt he’ll come to your play.”

He broke his gaze with Steve and looked at me, hurt puppy eyes. “Why would you say that?”

“Sorry. I just thought you were joking.”

“Why would I be joking?” he asked. “If he came to my play, he’d be really impressed. He’d probably have a part for me in his next movie.”

“Aren’t we getting a little bit ahead of ourselves?” I asked. “Are we even living in world where they make movies?”

His face turned stony. “I should have known.” He turned away.

“What?”

“You’re being sarcastic and unsupportive again,” he said. “It’s like how you think every play I’m in is called Death of a Salesman .”

“That’s not true. You just always play a guy who’s sad and wears suits.”

“What about The Happiest Millionaire ?” Bruce asked.

“My mistake,” I said. “You made me believe you were a very happy millionaire.”

“No!” He mouth was getting tight, the way it does when he gets annoyed. “I was the guy trying to marry the millionaire’s daughter! And he wasn’t happy. Remember?”

“So why was it called that?”

“Called what?”

“This isn’t the point. What you’re forgetting is that the world ended a week ago and none of this matters.”

“Whatever,” he said, staring piercingly hard at Steve. “It’s not important. If it was one of those fighting housewives from that show you like, I’d introduce you.”

“See,” I said. “You say that, but the fact that the only thing you’re focused on at this moment in time is Steve Harks says differently.”

He sucked in his breath. “He’s in the yellow group. How could someone that important be there?”

“What?”

He fingered his green bracelet. “Dammit. He’s a yellow? I would have two things to talk to him about instead of this stupid green group!”

I looked at him. “Are you wishing you stayed a yellow? Maybe not as useless a group as you thought?”

It took him a moment to answer, but then he came to. “No, no, no,” he said quickly. “Of course not.”

“Great,” I said. “Wait for me. I’m going to use the bathroom.

He still stared after Steve Harks as he disappeared into a crowd of fellow yellow wearers. He looked as if he was about to cry, so I patted his shoulder.

“I’m sure they’d probably give you back your yellow—”

“No, it’s okay,” he said. “Better this way. You and I are together. Certainly not thinking about trading your bracelet I guess.”

Finally, he met me in the eye and smiled. It wasn’t convincing, but I decided to take it and move on.

“I’m glad,” I said. “It’s been a long week.”

Robert came up behind me. “Get me signed in, will you?” he asked. “I’m going to try to make some calls, so I’ll need a green bracelet.”

“I don’t know if they’ll let you do that,” I said with a heavy sigh. “And I’m pretty sure the phone is just for whoever works here.”

“Trust me,” he said. “There’s a phone somewhere around this place, and I’m going to use it.”

He disappeared into the crowd and I smiled at the overtired worker behind the table with the bracelets.

“Hi,” I said. I could feel the eye roll behind her covered helmet. “I don’t suppose you saw what just happened. Just to save us some time.”

“He needs to personally get his bracelet and sign in his information,” she said in a voice that was either boredom tinged with hatred or hatred with a side of soullessness. “It’s our way of taking a census on survivors.”

“I understand,” I said. “Completely. But could you just make an exception just this once? I probably know his information better than he does.”

“If I make an exception for you, I’ll have to do it for everyone.” She shrugged. “And I don’t want to talk to everyone.”

“Don’t think of it as an exception!” I said, trying to make my voice gentle and amiable. “I’ll say nothing but great things about you, and assure whatever new government that’s about to spring up that if anyone can be counted on to keep order in a new society, it’s you.”

The woman was silent, and I was unable to see what her facial expression was to see if I had gotten through to her.

“And that’s it?” She shrugged.

“Well, obviously, we don’t have a new government yet, so I don’t know who I’d talk to.”

“I need something tangible.” She pointed her heavily gloved hand toward my bag of hastily put together supplies. “What do you have?”

“Probably nothing,” I said.

Bruce nudged me. “Ask her if she can get me back into the yellow group.”

“Shhh!” I said, opening my bag. “Not much.”

Bruce watched Steve wistfully. “He’s doing magic tricks for kids,” he said.

I turned and looked. There was Steve Harks pulling handkerchiefs out of his sleeve.

“I can do two magic tricks,” he said. “He and I have two things in common now so I should be with that group.”

“Open it wider,” the woman said, standing, peering into it.

I obeyed her as she stuck her hand in. A tube of lip gloss fell out onto the table and started to roll off the edge. She caught it and held it up to the bad lighting above as if it were Indiana Jones’ golden idol.

“I keep this and call it a deal,” she said.

“But that’s my favorite,” I said. “And the color’s probably discontinued.”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself. You had your chance.”

“Wait,” I said. “So you would have let me get my boss into his color group or any favor for you for this lip gloss?”

She turned her head away. “Snooze you lose. Now it’s mine. Next!” She waved me away.

Robert waded through the crowd. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled. “Next person who coughs on me is getting a royal ass kicking.”

“Wait!” I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said. “You can have it. Just give me the bracelet.”

She smiled smugly through that helmet and handed me the green bracelet. “What’s his name?”

“Robert Jamison,” I said.

“Birthdate?”

“Uh,” I said. “Robert?”

“Nope!” Robert said, coming up behind me. “It’s October third something.” She handed me the bracelet, which I then handed to Robert. He frowned at it. “Is this the only color they come in?”

“You’re in the green group,” I said. “It’s how you can be found later on. You also get a better bathroom.”

“Later on what?”

Myself and the guard shrugged as Robert turned to Bruce and pointed at him.

“Is this the guy who used to deliver breakfast burritos to the office?”

“That was one time, and he happened to be in the area,” I said. “But this is Bruce. My boyfriend.”