Robert Asprin: M.Y.T.H.-Interpretations: The Worlds of Robert Asprin

“Control’s the most important thing,” he said, as I struggled to contain a thicket fire I had started by accident when I tried to make a campfire one night. “Consider yourself at a distance from the action, and think smaller. What you can do with just a suggestion is more than most people can with their best whole efforts. Pull back and concentrate on getting the job done. A little effort sometimes pays off better than a whole parade with a brass band.”

I chuckled. “You sound like Aahz.”

“What?” Alder shouted.

“I said…” but my words were drowned out by deafening noise. The trees around us were suddenly thrust apart by hordes of men in colorful uniforms. I shouldn’t say ‘horde,’ though they were dressed in red, black and gold, because they marched in orderly ranks, shoving me and Alder a dozen yards apart. Each of them carried a musical instrument from which blared music the likes of which I hadn’t heard since halftime at the Big Game on the world of Jahk.

I picked myself up off the ground. “What,” I asked as soon as my hearing returned, “was that?”

“That was a nuisance,” Alder said, getting to his feet and brushing confetti off his clothes.

“No kidding,” I agreed, “but what was it?”

“A nuisance,” Alder repeated. “That’s what it’s called. It’s one of the perils of the Dreamland. Oh, they’re not really dangerous. They’re mostly harmless, but they waste your time. They’re a big pain in the sitter. Sometimes I think the Sleepers send them to get us to let go of ourselves so they can change us the way they want. Other people just plain attract them, especially those they most irk.”

I frowned. “I don’t want to run into any more of them myself,” I said. “They could slow us down finding Aahz.”

Alder pointed a finger directly at my nose. “That’s exactly what they might do. Stick with me, friend, and I’ll see you around the worst of them, or I won’t call myself the finest backwoodsman in the Dreamland.”

Using the virtually infinite reservoir of power available to me, I concentrated on keeping the trail intact so that Alder could find it. I found that the less influence I used, the fewer nuisances troubled us. So long as I kept my power consumption low, we had pretty easy going. It would have been a pleasant journey if I hadn’t been concerned.

It was taking so long to locate Aahz that I began to worry about him. What if the contracted bridge had trapped him somewhere? What if he had the same problems I did with influence? He might have trouble finding enough food, or even enough air! He wasn’t as

fortunate as I had been, to locate a friendly native guide like Alder. Visions of Aahz in dire straits began to haunt my dreams, and drew my attention away from admiring the handsome though sometimes bizarre landscape. Gleep, knowing my moods, tried to cheer me up by romping along and cutting foolish capers, but I could tell that even he was worried.

One day Alder stopped short in the middle of a huge forest glade, causing me and Gleep to pile up against the trees growing out of his back.

“Ow!” I said, rubbing my bruises.

“Gleep!” declared my dragon.

“We’re here,” Alder said. He plucked a handful of grass from the ground and held it out to me. It didn’t look any different from the grass we’d been trudging over for the last three days. “We’re in Celestia.”

“Are you sure?” I demanded.

“Sure as the sun coming up in the morning, sonny,” Alder said.

“All this forest in the midst of the capital city?”

“This is the Dreamland. Things change a lot. Why not a capital made of trees?”

I glanced around. I had to admit the trees themselves were more magnificent than I’d seen anywhere else, and more densely placed. The paths were regular in shape, meeting at square intersections. Elegant, slender trees with light coming out of the top must be the streetlights. Alder was right: it looked like a city, but all made of trees!

“Now, this is my kind of place,” Alder said, pleased, rubbing his hands together. “Can’t wait to see the palace. I bet the whole thing’s one big treehouse.”

Within a few hundred paces he pointed it out to me. What a structure! At least a thousand paces long, it was put together out of boards and balanced like a top on the single stem of one enormous oak tree. The vast door was accessible only by way of a rope ladder hung from the gate. A crudely-painted sign on the door was readable from the path: “Klubhse? Everywun welcm. The King.” In spite of its rough-hewn appearance there was still something regal about it.

“No matter what shape it takes, it’s still a palace,” Alder said. “You ought to meet the king. Nice guy, they tell me. He’d like to know an influential man like you. Your friend has to be close by. I can feel it.”

A powerful gale of changes prickled at the edge of my magikal sense. I fought with all my might to hold it back as Alder knelt and sniffed at the path.

“This way,” he said, not troubling to rise. Unable to help himself, he became an enormous, rangy, blood-red dog that kept its nose to the path. Overjoyed to have a new friend, Gleep romped around Alder, then helped him followed the tracks. The scent led them directly to two vast tree-trunks in the middle of a very crowded copse. Alder rose to his feet, transforming back into a man as he did.

“We’re here,” he said.

“But these are a couple of trees!” I exclaimed. Then I began to examine them more closely. The bark, though arrayed in long vertical folds, was smooth, almost as smooth as cloth. Then I spotted the roots peeking out from the ground. They were green. Scaly green. Like Aahz’s feet. I looked up.

“Yup,” said Alder with satisfaction. “We’ve found your buddy, all right.”

A vast statue of Aahz scratched the sky. Standing with hands on its hips, the statue had a huge smile that beamed out over the landscape, Aahz’s array of knife-sharp teeth looking more terrifying than ever in twenty-times scale. I was so surprised I let go of the control I was holding over the winds of change. A whirlwind, more a state of mind than an actual wind, came rushing through. Trees melted away, leaving a smooth black road under my feet. White pathways appeared on each side of the pavement. People rushing back and forth on foot and in vehicles. Across the way the palace was now undisputedly a white marble building of exquisite beauty. But the statue of Aahz remained, looming over the landscape, grinning. I realized to my surprise that it was an office building. The eyes were windows.

With Alder’s help I located a door in the leg and entered. People bustled busily around, Unlike the rest of the Dreamland where I had seen mostly Klahds, here there were also Deveels, Imps, Gremlins and others, burdened down with file folders and boxes or worried expressions. Just as I had thought, given infinite resources Aahz would have a sophisticated setup with half of everybody working for him, and the other half bringing him problems to solve. And as for riches, the walls were polished mahogany and ivory, inlaid with gold and precious stones. Not flashy? definitely stylish and screaming very loudly of money. I’d always wondered what Aahz could do with infinite resources, and now I was seeing it. A small cubicle at one end of the foot corridor swept me up all the way to the floor marked “Head-quarters.”

A shapely woman who could have been Tananda’s twin with pink skin sat at a curved wooden desk near the cubicle door. She spoke into a curved black stick poking out of her ear. She poked buttons as buzzers sounded. “Aahz Unlimited. May I help you? I’m sorry. Can you hold? Aahz Unlimited. May I help you? I’m sorry. Can you hold?”