Tsvetana Alеkhina - The diary of the Tambov Wolf

The days spent in the apartment served my already depressed state. I used to enjoy my loneliness. After all, I could go to the forest, and I did not need anyone. Now I was afraid to go into the forest, and I did not know what to do with myself for a whole day. My best friend went on vacation. I am not going to work until tomorrow. I worked for three days. And all three days of the weekend I always had something to occupy myself with. I loved my job, for me it was something like social recreation. More precisely, I loved my team more, because there was always a line between work and weekends between the team and weekends, and, probably, I loved this line more, which did exactly what I needed from work so well. I was lonely and at the same time, I had a team and a salary, which I also loved so much. This time, the day spent at work lasted the equivalent of a week. Barely surviving the shift, I flew home even without smoking a cigarette with a colleague. And we loved doing it so much after work. Talk about different things and smoke near my car. Sometimes I gave him a ride home. When he asked for it.

October 5. This morning I did not notice how I found myself in my car. I did not notice how I ended up at home. How I cooked breakfast and swallowed it in two minutes. Which was not there before. I always ate food slowly, listening to music or watching TV. My gait changed, my hearing became more acute, although I did not complain about it anyway. For the first three days, it seemed to me that everything that happens to me, including my appetite, is the consequences of going to the forest. My next shift at work was not easy for me. It was hard for me to be around people, they annoyed me. Although there was no such thing before, I always went to work with pleasure. The team was not unimportant to me. At the same time, three days spent at home had no less detrimental effect than a day at work. I could not understand what was happening to me. My best friend was supposed to be back from vacation in a day. I was waiting for him so much to go to the forest with him. I just could not show up there alone. The team argued my aggressive state by the fact that I had not been on vacation for a long time. They thought I needed to rest, go to the sea, or Moscow. In general, a change of scenery is what, in their opinion, I lacked. But they are right. I have not been on vacation for a long time.

October 13. Morning after shift. This day, like the last three, I did not go out. I was looking forward to a friend. Being in voluntary imprisonment, I made phone calls so as not to go wild. They were mostly my parents. I behaved as adequately as possible, trying not to attract suspicion in any way, and I succeeded. Periodically, I approached the mirror, of course, each time with caution, but I approached and he stared at his reflection. At first glance, it would seem that nothing has changed, but still the past incident in the reflection made itself felt, and I found fault with every hair. Sometimes I just saw a wolf’s face in my face. But this is nonsense. And I understood that. The arrival of a friend dispelled my fears, and I completely forgot about my reflection. Misha told me how he had a good rest, and I listened to his story in silence, and did not say a word about the white wolf.

– So, what happened here?

– Yes, nothing special. Just a cold autumn. Dull.

– Yes. It is a tragedy for you, I understand. Hiking in the forest has been significantly reduced.

– «Something like that. Misha did not say a word about my unsaid. I could tell by the look on his face that he was waiting for this.

– Yurok! Let us go to your forest tomorrow. I was so excited about his offer. I didn’t even have to ask him about it.

October 14th. A walk through the autumn forest is a wonderful pastime. It was warm weather, and we spent the whole day in the forest. Having bought strong alcohol and a light snack, we visited several forest clearings, the time flew by cheerfully and not noticeably, and our last stop was the «Svyatovo» lake. During the completely fun day, I never mentioned my adventure, so as not to overshadow the walk. I could not wait to share my encounter with a werewolf with a friend, but the circumstances turned out so that I did not mention it, and I considered it a sign of secrecy. Since my parents moved to the countryside, I have been used to walking in the woods alone. Of course, the appearance of the white wolf put fear in my subconscious, and Misha’s company came in handy. Returning home in the dark evening was like an ordinary walk along the embankment. We had a lot to talk about, and there was even some alcohol left. It was a long way to the bus stop, and we stopped for a drink. Our sweet communication was interrupted by a wolf howl. So clear and lingering, it could not be confused with anything. Misha said hoarsely and inquiringly at he looked at me. I nodded approvingly, and we trotted towards the bus stop. When we reached the roadway, we slowed down. – It is crowded here. We are safe here. I also nodded approvingly. Misha looked at me sideways, wanted to say something, but did not dare. The bus pulled up, and we drove in silence to my house. My friend, after a long walk, wished to continue his vacation with me. We went to the «Magnet» and bought the necessary products. – Tell me, you knew, didn’t you?

– Yes, I knew. I said ironically.

– I immediately realized that something was wrong. And how long has this wolf dwells there?

– From where do I know? I only heard the howl once.

– «I didn’t know there were wolves in this forest.»

– Me too. I said dryly.

Our afternoon walk smoothly turned into an evening get-together. After drinking a glass of vodka, Misha uttered a speech with relief. – I noticed that you had changed, but I did not think it was because of the wolf in the forest.

– «You’re right. I have changed. And the wolf is to blame for this. I could barely keep my tongue from slurring from alcohol. —You know I practically grew up in this forest. But this wolf spoiled my walks. I began to appear there less often.

– You said she-wolf! Misha laughed. – There is also a woman involved. Tell. You know you can trust me. Realizing that I had stirred up too much, I had to get out of it.

– Yes, it seems to me that this is a wolf. The howl is too long.

– Here you have determined! Misha continued to laugh. Your ex was here along the way. Well, if you do not want to, do not tell me. I did not want to offend my friend.

– No. The exes are finished. It is just the fear of going into the woods.

– To be afraid of wolves is not to go into the forest. The uttered expression sobered my mind.

– But he is right. I thought. My consciousness was transferred to a forest clearing, where I was standing alone, on a carpet of fallen leaves, the trees were shrouded in fog, and I was waiting for her, peering into the tree trunks. Silence. I cannot see anything. A split second and a white shaggy dog with an open wolf’s mouth flies at me in a jump. I shuddered.

– What is wrong with you?

– Nothing. Vision.

– You know what.

– What?

– For now, tie up for a while with your trips to the forest. Judging by your condition, you have a serious fright. As a last resort, we have parks. Friendship Park, for example, or «Okhlyabinovskaya grove».

– Are you laughing?

– I am serious.

We sat up all night discussing Tambov wolves. From where they appeared, and when they were last seen here. In fact, wolves have not lived in the Tambov Forest for a long time. This kind of animal has long since exterminated itself, or rather it has long been exterminated.

– «Tambov wolf», a funny expression! I could not stand it and laughed with Misha. – Where did this expression come from at all?