Lisa Smith: The Struggle

“And neither do you,” Elena said. “What about—well, crosses and things?”

“No effect,” said Stefan. “Except that if the person holding one believes it’s a protection, it can strengthen their will to resist tremendously.”

“Uh… silver bullets?”

Stefan laughed again shortly. “That’s for werewolves. From what I’ve heard they don’t like silver in any form. A wooden stake through the heart is still the approved method for my kind. There are other ways that are more or less effective, though: burning, beheading, driving nails through the temples. Or, best of all—”

“Stefan!” The lonely, bitter smile on his face dismayed her. “What about changing into animals?” she said. “Before, you said that with enough Power you could do that. If Damon can be any animal he likes, how will we ever recognize him?”

“Not any animal he likes. He’s limited to one animal, or at the most two. Even with his Powers I don’t think he could sustain any more than that.”

“So we keep looking out for a crow.”

“Right. You may be able to tell if he’s around, too, by looking at regular animals. They usually don’t react very well to us; they sense that we’re hunters.”

“Yangtze kept barking at that crow. It was as if he knew there was something wrong about it,” Elena remembered. “Ah… Stefan,” she added in a changed tone as a new thought struck her, “what about mirrors? I don’t remember ever seeing you in one.”

For a moment, he didn’t answer. Then he said, “Legend has it that mirrors reflect the soul of the person who looks into them. That’s why primitive people are afraid of mirrors; they’re afraid that their souls will be trapped and stolen. My kind is supposed to have no reflection—because we have no souls.” Slowly, he reached up to the rearview mirror and tilted it downward, adjusting it so that Elena could look into it. In the silvered glass, she saw his eyes, lost, haunted, and infinitely sad.

There was nothing to do but hold on to him, and Elena did. “I love you,” she whispered. It was the only comfort she could give him. It was all they had.

His arms tightened around her; his face was buried in her hair. “You’re the mirror,” he whispered back.

It was good to feel him relax, tension flowing out of his body as warmth and comfort flowed in. She was comforted, too, a sense of peace infusing her, surrounding her. It was so good that she forgot to ask him what he meant until they were at her front door, saying good-bye.

“I’m the mirror?” she said then, looking up at him.

“You’ve stolen my soul,” he said. “Lock the door behind you, and don’t open it again tonight.” Then he was gone.

“Elena, thank heavens,” said Aunt Judith. When Elena stared at her, she added, “Bonnie called from the party. She said you’d left unexpectedly, and when you didn’t come home I was worried.”

“Stefan and I went for a ride.” Elena didn’t like the expression on her aunt’s face when she said that. “Is there a problem?”

“No, no. It’s just…” Aunt Judith didn’t seem to know how to finish her sentence. “Elena, I wonder if it might be a good idea to… not see quite so much of Stefan.”

Elena went still. “You, too?”

“It isn’t that I believe the gossip,” Aunt Judith assured her. “But, for your own sake, it might be best to get a little distance from him, to—”

“To dump him? To abandon him because people are spreading rumors about him? To keep myself away from the mudslinging in case any of it sticks on me?” Anger was a welcome release, and the words crowded in Elena’s throat, all trying to get out at once. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Aunt Judith. And if it were Robert we were talking about, you wouldn’t either. Or maybe you would!”

“Elena, I will not have you speaking to me in that tone—”

“I’m finished anyway!” Elena cried, and whirled blindly for the stairs. She managed to keep the tears back until she was in her own room with the door locked. Then she threw herself on the bed and sobbed.

She dragged herself up a while later to call Bonnie. Bonnie was excited and voluble. What on earth did Elena mean, had anything unusual happened after she and Stefan left? The unusual thing was their leaving! No, that new guy Damon hadn’t said anything about Stefan afterward; he’d just hung around for a while and then disappeared. No, Bonnie hadn’t seen if he left with anybody. Why? Was Elena jealous? Yes, that was meant to be a joke. But, really, he was gorgeous, wasn’t he? Almost more gorgeous than Stefan, that is assuming you liked dark hair and eyes. Of course, if you liked lighter hair and hazel eyes…

Elena immediately deduced that Alaric Saltzman’s eyes were hazel.

She got off the phone at last and only then remembered the note she’d found in her purse. She should have asked Bonnie if anyone had gone near her purse while she was in the dining room. But then, Bonnie and Meredith had been in the dining room part of the time themselves. Someone might have done it then.

The very sight of the violet paper made her taste tin at the back of her mouth. She could hardly bear to look at it. But now that she was alone she had to unfold it and read it again, all the time hoping that somehow this time the words might be different, that she might have been mistaken before.

But they weren’t different. The sharp, clean block letters stood out against the pale background as if they were ten feet high.

I want to touch him. More than any boy I’ve ever known. And I know he wants it, too, but he’s holding back on me.

Her words. From her diary. The one that had been stolen.

The next day Meredith and Bonnie rang her doorbell.

“Stefan called me last night,” said Meredith. “He said he wanted to make sure you weren’t walking to school alone. He’s not going to be at school today, so he asked if Bonnie and I could come over and walk with you.

“Escort you,” said Bonnie, who was clearly in a good mood. “Chaperone you. I think it’s terribly sweet of him to be so protective.”

“He’s probably an Aquarius, too,” said Meredith. “Come on, Elena, before I kill her to shut her up about Alaric.”

Elena walked in silence, wondering what Stefan was doing that kept him from school. She felt vulnerable and exposed today, as if her skin were on inside out. One of those days when she was ready to cry at the drop of a hat.

On the office bulletin board was tacked a piece of violet paper.

She should have known. She had known somewhere deep inside. The thief wasn’t satisfied with letting her know her private words had been read. He was showing her they could be made public.

She ripped the note off the board and crumpled it, but not before she glimpsed the words. In one glance they were seared onto her brain.

I feel as if someone has hurt him terribly in the past and he’s never gotten over it. But I also think there’s something he’s afraid of, some secret he’s afraid I’ll find out.

“Elena, what is that? What’s the matter? Elena, come back here!”

Bonnie and Meredith followed her to the nearest girls’ bathroom, where she stood over the wastebasket shredding the note into microscopic pieces, breathing as if she’d just run a race. They looked at each other and then turned to survey the bathroom stalls.

“Okay,” said Meredith loudly, “senior privilege. You!” She rapped on the only closed door. “Come out.”

Some rustling, then a bewildered freshman emerged. “But I didn’t even—”

“Out. Outside,” Bonnie ordered. “And you ,” she said to the girl washing her hands, “stand out there and make sure nobody comes in.”