Marjorie Liu - Within the Flames

“I’m coming,” he said.

Eddie’s mother was a short, slender woman with an elfin face and long dark hair streaked with silver. She wore jeans and a white blouse with chunky turquoise jewelry — but the bright clean colors only seemed to enhance the sadness in her eyes.

Especially, thought Eddie, when she looked at him.

She met them at the door and seemed only a little surprised to find that he had brought someone with him. Lyssa was calm and polite, and her smile was warm. But she walked to the windows as Eddie spoke to his mother, and he knew her good eyes were scanning the shadows outside the house for any unwelcome observers.

Roland still had some clothes that had belonged to an old girlfriend, a woman Eddie knew well. Soria was shorter than Lyssa, but her style was the same: long-sleeved flowing blouses and equally long skirts. A silken scarf embroidered with turquoise beads covered her throat, but she’d kept the cream-colored knit gloves Serena had given her in New York. It didn’t look all that odd, put together.

“Where is he?” asked Eddie.

“I don’t know,” said his mother, rubbing a shaking hand through her hair. “I happened to look out the kitchen window, and he was in the backyard, staring at the house. I called you as soon as it happened.”

Fear and loathing touched her eyes. “He was thinner, and his skin sagged. He looked. . sick.”

Eddie felt sick. “We’ll find him.”

“No, you stay away from him.”

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“You have to.” His mother’s voice broke. “Edward—”

“No.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You should have thought—” Eddie stopped, but too late. His mother stared at him, no doubt hearing the rest of that sentence in her head.

You should have thought of that.

All the color drained from her face. He looked away, shame rolling off him like a bitter cloud.

“Mom,” he said, softly. “Keep the doors locked. Call Grandma and tell her to do the same.”

She didn’t say a word.

Outside, Eddie strode down the front walk, past the rental car, and down the street. His hands were in his hair, partially covering his face. Every inch of him was strained and rigid.

Lyssa followed, allowing him his silence — until even he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I hate him,” Eddie snapped. “Come on. There’s a park nearby.”

A small park, filled with trees and a several wide paths. It was empty except for two joggers in black pants and sweatshirts who ran past them with a large golden retriever. The dog shied from Lyssa with a whimper.

They found a bench and sat down. It all seemed too normal, far away from the disgusting horror of the previous night.

But not sufficiently far away from the horror of his childhood, years and years in the past.

“I’ll never be able to talk with her about this,” he said. “It’ll kill her. It might kill me.”

Lyssa leaned against him. “Some things can’t be talked about. Anyone who says differently has never lived through a truly horrible event.”

“And saying the words doesn’t heal anything unless you’re saying them to the right person, at the right time.” Eddie bowed his head, kneading his brow. “You were the right person, the right time. My mom. . isn’t.”

“If you told her that you forgive her—”

“I don’t,” he interrupted, then softened his voice. “One day, maybe. Not yet.”

“Then wait,” Lyssa said gently. “Wait until you’re ready. If you force it. . she’ll know you’re lying. And you’ll resent her for making you feel as though you have to say something you don’t mean.”

Eddie drew in a shaky breath. “Maybe you should be a therapist instead of an artist.”

“The artist is a therapist.” Her lips brushed his cheek with great tenderness. “But I’m better at dishing out advice than taking it.”

He took her hand and kissed it. “I want to introduce you a little better to my mom. Do you feel comfortable going back there?”

“Do you?”

When he hesitated, she said, “Let’s wait.”

“You must think I’m a coward.”

“No.” Lyssa rested her cheek on his shoulder. “When you returned home for the first time. . what was it like?”

“Horrible,” he whispered. “She was so happy to see me. . but she was angry, too, that I’d run away. Angry and hurt. She needed me after my sister died, and I abandoned her. I had a good reason — good, from my point of view — but she didn’t know any of that, and maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe I should have just stayed and fought it out — the fire, the guilt. All of it.”

“Early on, did you have trouble controlling the fire?”

“Yeah. It would just. . come on me. I spent a lot of time alone. I’m surprised I didn’t die from starvation or loneliness in those first few years.”

“I almost did,” she said. “And I’m surprised I didn’t accidentally murder anyone. I was a girl, alone. Men would. . men would try to take advantage of that. I’d fight them off, or they would see my right hand and freak. Or maybe they’d catch fire, and I would run like hell.”

He held her tightly against him. “I’m sorry.”

“Did that happen to you? You know. . with men who liked boys?”

“Yes.” Eddie closed his eyes, burying his nose in her hair. “I fought like you did, but it made me think of Matthew, and that was. . one more horrible thing.”

“He didn’t molest you, did he?”

“Not like that, but. .”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” she said quickly.

“No, it’s. . he would look at me. Me, naked. And. . say things.”

Lyssa gripped his hand so tightly it hurt. But he welcomed the pain.

“That’s all,” he whispered. “You want to walk now?”

“Yes,” she said.

Eddie was going to drive them back to his apartment, but he could tell that Lyssa was still thinking about what he’d told her — and that wasn’t the memory he wanted to end her night on.

So he took her to the Kosmo Klub.

Built underground, the bar was accessible via a narrow stairwell so nondescript and unadorned, the only way to know it existed was by the long line of people waiting to get in.

Fortunately, it was the favorite haunt of Dirk & Steele’s agents — and the owner, an endearingly eccentric elderly woman named Dame Rose — loved all those men and women. Like, she really loved them.

Eddie walked Lyssa to the front of the line, and she gave all the waiting people an uncertain look. He slipped a protective arm around her waist, aware of the women glaring — and the men checking out her flawless face.

“You sure about this?” she asked, checking her scarf.

“You’ll love it. Only the best musicians come here, and the food is great.”

“Mmm,” she said, peering at the diminutive, old-fashioned sign nailed above the entrance.

“Kosmo Klub,” she read out loud, and smiled. “For a kosmic good time.”

The bouncer recognized him, and was just beginning to unhook the velvet rope when a musical voice cried, “Eddie!”

An elderly woman hobbled up the stairwell, face lit up in a broad smile. She was dressed in emerald green sequins, with a matching feather in her silver hair. Her skin was very dark and fine, her bones delicate as a bird’s. But when she hugged Eddie, her fingers pinched his ass with unerring precision, and she pulled his face down for a hearty kiss on the mouth.

“Lord, you make me lusty,” she announced loudly, and turned her sparkling gaze on Lyssa. “And who is this lovely? Don’t tell me you finally have a girl?”