Mark Clodi - About a Woman, a Zombie Chronicles Novel

"So…it's over then?"

Dora let out a short, machine gun type laugh, "Over? I am fucking killing zombies, fighting for my life and you think I want to take time out to deal with my husband banging my best friend? I have bigger shit, much bigger shit to deal with than your betrayal. If it makes you feel any better just think of me as dead."

"Dora…I…I am coming to get you. Now. I will fight my way over there and pull you out of there."

"What? You and what army? Have you been on the streets lately? Do you know how many zombies I killed today? Me? How many have you killed Roger or were you too busy killing the rabbit to get outside today?"

"You…you had to fight them?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Hah! I knew it, you and Marge and Sylvia for all I know were lounging around in bed screwing all day while I was fighting to get home, to get back here and to save…" Dora began to cry, angry fat tears and she didn't trust her voice to say anymore.

"What do you mean you had to fight to get home? Why did you leave home? You really killed a zombie? We haven't seen any here. Sylvia left about eleven, told Marge to fuck off and walked out. Dora. I have other news. Jerry is dead."

This last prompted Dora to speak again, "What? How can you know that?" Jerry was Marge's husband, who had gone out of town on a business trip to California last week, he was not due to return until next week.

"He called us, well, um, Marge."

"So he called and was still alive, right?"

"No he was in his hotel, he, it was terrible, Marge's face went white, she put him on speaker phone. They, they were in the room with him, at the end. He…I've never hear a man scream like that. I've never heard a man die."

"Roger, I am sorry. Sorry for you, sorry for Marge. I don't really like either one of you right now and even with all this shit going on I don't want to see you either."

"What? What are you saying?"

"I am saying, evacuate, don't worry about me."

"I am worried about you."

Dora sighed, the timing was all wrong to be having this conversation. "What do you want to do, Roger, go into marriage counseling? Look, you were an asshole yesterday. Worse, an asshole that cheated on his wife with her best friend. Where have you been, Roger? I mean really, Marge lives two fucking miles from our house! And you're only calling me now? I think that shows, more than anything else, what your feelings are. You didn't even know I was gone. You know I crashed the car?"

"What? Is the car okay? Were you hurt?"

Thinking to herself Dora let out a soft chuckle, "'Is the car okay? Were you hurt?'" she mimicked his tone back at him, "The order of your questions indicates your priorities. I set you free, Roger. Don't come here. Leave me alone."

"I…Dora, I am sorry! I didn't mean it like that. I needed to know if you needed a ride or if the car was working."

"I am home, I can drive the suburban, if I have to."

"If you have to? What kind of statement is that? Of course you have to, we have to leave. Dora…how did you get home?"

"I ran into a couple of other people close to where I crashed. I got a ride from them. They are here with me now."

"Are they men? They are aren't they?!"

"Fuck you Roger. Is that all you can think about? If they are men, why not? First, it isn't like the sanctity of our marriage means anything to you, so why should I care? Second, why do you think people would think about sex at a time like this?" remembering her dream Dora smiled slightly.

"Are they men?"

"Roger, no, they are not men. One is a guy named Mike, he is seventeen, in case you are wondering. The other is named Paige, she is a girl, in case you didn't get that from her name. She has shown more balls today than I think you will ever have. I mean, at least she got out of the fucking house and killed a mob of zombies with me!"

"You killed a mob of zombies?" Roger started to laugh, "Tell me another lie you spoiled bitch! You really had me going there for a second. What did you do? Bitch at them until they died?"

"I would say 'Fuck you', but I think the better phrase is 'Go fuck yourself'. Just so you know I shot the zombies. With a gun."

"Gun? You don't even…you found my gun? No, no you couldn't have, I have the key on my key chain. Where would you get a gun? And how would you know how to load it, or shoot it? No this is just a lie, as usual from my nagging bitch of a wife."

Intrigued Dora thought for a second , 'Roger has a real gun in the house?' That was the most interesting thing she had heard in a long time, now how to get him to tell her where it was, "I suppose it could be true, you having a gun here. No, I didn't use your piece of shit gun. I went to the neighbor's place, you know, the guy across the street and down a little way." Dora looked to Mike and Paige, who were both awake and following her side of the conversation. Mike got up and went into the bathroom, flicking on the light as he did so. Paige yelped for him to shut off the light and Mike complied after a moment.

"For Christ sake, it's Jason! His name is Jason, I went paint balling with him, like eight times. He had dinner with us twice. Oh wait you were so drunk you probably don't remember that."

"Jason? Nope, not ringing a bell. We got his guns."

"Is he there with you too?"

"He is dead."

"What?"

"We found him in his basement, he was a zombie, it was the first one we killed. With a table leg and a pool cue. Oh, was your gun at Jason's? Then we probably have it. We cleaned his safe out, except for an old antique gun that Mike didn't know how to use."

"He is really dead? I thought, I thought he would be fine. I mean, he had all those guns…"

"He was trying to get to them, he had the key, otherwise we probably wouldn't have been able to get into the safe. So your gun was there then?"

"My gun is in the garage, why would I keep it at Jason's? Dora, I am coming home. If for nothing else than to get my stuff."

"It is not a good idea."

"Look I can be an adult about it, but I need clothing and wouldn't mind having a gun too."

"Do you have a gun now? Did Jerry have one in his house?"

"No. Well Marge hasn't said, but he doesn't seem the type."

"Neither do you. Why would you have a gun and not tell me?"

"It cost a lot of money."

"You make a lot of money."

"I…look do we have to get into this right now?"

"You shouldn't come here."

"Why?" Roger asked.

"Because we had a little incident today. And not all of the zombies are gone. We have a lot of them out in front of our house."

"Right. I am coming home."

"Now? Can't it wait for daylight?"

"Why? You going somewhere?"

"Well, back to sleep."

"You were sleeping? The world is fucking ending and you are sleeping?"

"Well, I want to be well rested for the end. Look, the world might be ending for you, in more ways than one, but it is not ending for me or for my friends. We are going to fight. And we are going to live."

Paige turned on the television, cable was out, but the local channels were still broadcasting, the evacuation areas were prominently displayed on the screen. Everything west of interstate seventy one was red, in the mandatory evacuation area. The sections between highways thirty five and seventy one were in the warning area. The map zoomed out and showed a large red blob moving slowly along interstate seventy heading east, right now it was close to Trenton, not that far from Kansas City at all, a larger blob was further west, trailing the first small group, close to Goodland. 'It's nice to know our ability to make pretty pictures is still around.' Thought Dora as she looked at the drawings on the screen.

"Isn't that where we are?" Asked Paige pointed to the map as it zoomed back in.