Joseph D'Lacey - Snake Eyes

The circle of semi clad and unclad village ladies faltered in its rhythm. Some of the women looked around as if not knowing where they were and then, seeing each other as though for the first time and seeing me, they tried to cover themselves up with their hands. Most of them were far too well endowed for this approach to work. They merely looked more naked than ever. I ran past them to the sounds of Mrs. Rickett screaming, ‘NO, NO. Don’t stop. I haven’t finished yet!”

Moments later, women were running past me into the night, into the forest, trying to get home. We let them go but the men looked downhearted. Some of them looked totally defeated by what they’d seen. No doubt they thought that if they’d been lacking before in the eyes of their wives, they now had no chance. It wasn’t the moment for a pep talk on the unimportance of size. Instead I tried to rally them.

“Come along now, men folk. We have its tail. We have all the power.”

In the clearing the demon was standing, swaying with both hands clasped over the place where its tail had so recently been. Its once intimidating erection drooped defeated towards the ground. Even without its head the demon’s posture was an utter advertisement of its feelings.

It was humiliated, it was powerless, it was embarrassed.

I checked the demon’s face, knowing it knew what had happened and saw there, so contrasted with all its expressions of menace and excess, such a look of debilitation and despair that I almost felt sorry for the thing.

“Here, help me,” I said.

Prattle bent and took hold of a horn. We started to swing the head.

“One, two, THREE!”

We let go and the head flew away from us into the clearing. Rolling the last few strides and coming to rest at the feet of its estranged body. Controlling its body with difficulty from such a wrong angle, the head directed the hands downward until they had a hold of it. They lifted it back into place and for the first time since the demon had landed in the field, we saw it standing up, alive and complete except for one small and essential detail. From the front, of course, it still looked fairly fierce and the men took a few nervous steps backwards.

“Be bold, gentlemen. We are in control now,” said I.

I don’t think they believed me and to be honest, neither did I. The demon advanced towards us in huge strides, shaking the ground enough to unnerve me. The tail tried to slither free of my hand and I squeezed it tight. Even when the demon had been hanging from the church bell tower, it hadn’t seemed this large. It loomed in front of us. Well, in front of me , I should say, and looked down. Staring back up into its glowering face hurt my neck. I could hear the snorts as it breathed and for the first time saw smoke curling up from its nostrils. Its voice was deeper than a distant rumble of summer thunder. My very bones shook to hear him speak.

“Return that which you have stolen,” it said, pointing at my hand.

I had to force myself not to hesitate and my own voice sounded puny to my ears when I replied.

“I think not, demon.”

“Return it or I will slaughter all of you and devour your souls.”

Prattle tugged at my sleeve,

“Perhaps you ought to do what it suggests.”

I shook his hand away.

“Sorry, demon. Can’t do it. If you want your tail back, you’ll have to take it.”

I smiled a sweet smile and put my hands behind my back so that the tail was out of sight. The demon puffed himself up and spread his wings. He stretched his powerful arms out and uncurled his claw-tipped fingers. He raised himself up to his full height. He peeled his lips back to reveal his many teeth. He took a huge deep breath and his chest expanded to twice its normal size.

“That’s enough posturing, demon. Now, the fact is that you’re the one who’s stolen something from us. A couple of things, actually. First, you’ve taken our contentment and second, you’ve thieved the purity of some of our wives. We’d like both those things back, please. Or I’m very sorry, but it will be no more tail for Mr. Demon.”

The demon pointed a long and deadly finger at me.

“You will rue this disrespect, Delly Duke.”

“Oh, so you know my name do you? I expect I’m rather famous in Hell.”

“No, but we anticipate your imminent arrival. And the indignities I’ve suffered at the hands of you humans will be as nothing to those you’ll suffer at ours.”

“Quite so, I’m sure, but you won’t be involved in any of the fun because you’ve lost your tail. You’re out of a job. Now, I’ve given you a chance to win it back by undoing your misdeeds, but you’ve ignored that, so now the price goes up. Come and see me tomorrow if you wish to negotiate some kind of exchange. Not too early, though, it’s been a long night already.” I turned my back on the creature and walked away down the path back to the village. The rest of the men turned and followed but I saw them all cast uneasy looks back over their shoulders as we left the demon behind. Scant moments passed before the ground was shaking once again just behind us.

“I’ll return your contentment and the purity of your women. Just give me the tail. Now.”

I stopped and faced the creature again.

“I’m terribly sorry, demon. You must have misunderstood me the first time. You refused my offer and now the price has increased for the item you wish to purchase. Refuse the terms again and the price will increase yet again. It’s really very simple. Now do you want the tail back or don’t you?”

It was as though I’d pricked a bubble. The demon deflated, its shoulders sagged and its head hung down in misery and defeat.

“Yes,” it sighed.

“Then you’ve got some questions to answer and some work to do. Let’s go back to the church and make a start, shall we?”

“I don’t much like churches.”

“Tough.”

In the church the demon sat near the altar shivering in discomfort. We sat in the front pews, me near the centre asking the questions.

“What is your name, demon?”

“Rupert.”

“What?”

Several men in the church sniggered and the demon looked miserable.

“It means a very terrifying thing in the language of Hell.”

“I see. Well…Rupert—” there was more chuckling around the church, “–tell us how you came to be in Long Lofting. No doubt you were on some mission for the lord of darkness.”

“No. I just needed some time off. We’ve been working overtime. My back is killing me and Long Lofting was the nearest place that I could disappear to for a rest.”

“You’re skiving from work? That’s it?”

Rupert nodded.

“I don’t believe you. If you came from Hell, how come you fell downwards from the sky? Hell is meant to be the underworld.”

“Well, metaphorically speaking, Hell is like an underworld. It’s full of caves and tunnels and labyrinths and pits. But it hasn’t been…you know,” the demon pointed towards the floor. “ down there …for a long time.”

“Since when?”

“Oh, ages ago. And I mean ages. At first, Hell was a small place. Not many departed souls, very few sinners, not a lot for us to do really. And it was situated at the centre of the world. But as time’s gone by the number of departed souls has increased many thousand-fold and space became a problem. And let’s not forget how popular sinning has become. Recently, about a few hundred generations ago, Hell was moved. Instead of being encompassed by the world, it then surrounded it. After that, it started to lease parts of the world for its own purposes. Now there’s mostly Hell and very little world left. Just a few little villages like this one.”