Gary McMahon - Silent Voices

The teapot was on the bench beside the sink, the tea brewing. It was on a little tray, alongside three cups and a plate of garibaldi biscuits. He picked up the tray and went back to the living room, where it seemed as if the budgie had been staring at the empty doorway, awaiting his return.

“Here we go,” he said, setting down the tray on a small occasional table near the gas fire.

“Thank you, son,” said Hilda, sitting upright and pushing herself forward on the sofa. “How do you take it?”

“Just black,” said Simon. “One sugar, please.”

“White with two,” said Brendan, shuffling on the seat, looking less comfortable as time went by.

“So,” said Hilda, after they’d all had a mouthful of tea. “You want to know where Marty’s been living. Is that right?”

Simon waited for Brendan to answer, but the other man remained silent, staring at the wall. His lips were pressed together, as if he were holding something back. He didn’t look comfortable in his own skin.

“Erm, yes,” said Simon, taking the initiative. “We’re old friends… I don’t know if you remember us, but we all used to hang around together. The three of us, we were best mates, when we were younger.”

“I’m not daft, you know.” Hilda put down her cup and ran the palms of her hands over her thighs, straightening her dress. “You were the other two, the ones that went missing with Marty. Of course I remember. You were nice lads back then, all of you. Good lads. That was a terrible thing.” She leaned back, pressing her spine against the sofa cushions, and briefly closed her eyes. She was still baring her teeth. “Whatever happened to you boys in there, it changed you all. I know that. I’ve seen it, with Marty, and with you, Brendan.”

Brendan flinched at the sound of his name. “I’m sorry?”

“I used to see you a lot around the Grove, but I started seeing you less and less. You always seemed to work nights, and it’s always that lovely wife of yours who takes the kids to school. I haven’t seen you in years, son. Considering we live around the corner from each other, that tells its own story.”

Brendan grimaced. It was probably meant to be a smile, but it wasn’t quite there. Clearly he felt uncomfortable being the focus of the conversation, but for some reason he did nothing to deflect the old woman’s attention. He just sat there, saying nothing.

“So, can you tell us about Marty?” Simon took a bite of biscuit. “These are nice.” He smiled, crumbs on his lips.

“Like I said, I’m not daft. I suppose you know all about the things he’s been doing to make a living. Illegal boxing matches, working on pub doors, and God knows what else. Everybody knows about our Marty, and about the kind of person they think he is. Hired muscle. A bruiser.”

“We’re not here to judge him, Hilda. We just want to talk to him. It’s something about… about what happened to us back then, when we were ten.” He’d taken a risk telling her this much, but as far as he could tell, there was no other option. This wasn’t some cracked old crone, sitting rocking in her front room waiting to die. She was a sharp lady; there could be no fooling her, even if he could be bothered to try.

“Well, that’s good to hear. I know he’s done some bad things, but he’s my grandson and I love him.” She paused, picked up her cup and took a sip, and then cradled the cup in one hand, like a small animal. “He was in a bad smash-up, years ago, on his motorcycle. His girlfriend, Sally, was killed, and Marty was unconscious in hospital for twenty-four hours. I sat by his bedside, holding his hand, waiting for him to either die or wake up. Nobody seemed sure which it would be.” She licked her lips. She was wearing lip-gloss; it made them shine. “When he did wake up, the first thing he said was ‘Humpty Dumpty’. It sounds silly, I know, but he said it with such fear in his voice that I never mentioned it to him. I don’t even think he knows he said that, or that I heard it. Not even now.” Her eyes were as shiny as her lips. She was lost in the memory.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

She nodded. “Aye, it ruined his dreams of boxing. That’s why he started having those other fights, the ones that happen late at night in warehouses and basements… he thinks I don’t know about them, but I do. I always knew.”

“I bet you know a lot more than anyone, Hilda.” Simon glanced at Brendan, but his friend failed to notice.

“Oh, aye. Us oldies, we see a lot. We see it all. There’s nothing much else to do expect watch, you know. Watch and remember what we’ve seen, just in case it turns out to be important.”

Brendan was scratching vigorously at his back, knotting up his jacket at the nape of his neck. His face was pale. He seemed to be somewhere else, not here in the room. It was as if he were miles away, not even aware of the exchange taking place beside him. Simon willed him to turn around, to regain his focus, but Brendan just kept scratching away at his upper back.

Jesus , he thought. What’s his fucking problem?

“So, Hilda… Do you have an address or a telephone number for Marty?” Thankfully, she had not noticed Brendan’s weird contortions on the chair. She was distracted by her memories.

The budgie hopped around inside its cage, restless.

“I have his mobile number, but he doesn’t answer unless he knows who’s calling.” She reached across to a sideboard on her right and grabbed a ring-bound notebook and pen. Her stick-like fingers scribbled down the number. She tore off the page and reached across the table, handing it to Simon.

“Thanks,” he said. “All we can do is to try our best, I suppose.”

“I’m not sure where he’s been living. He’s always moved around a lot, you see. Never stays in one place long enough to settle in or give me an address. I even have to send his Christmas card to a post office box. The last I heard he was in Newcastle or Gateshead, looking after someone’s flat while they’re working away. He has a lot of acquaintances, does our Marty, but not many friends. None at all that I’ve met, anyway.”

Simon smiled. “ We’re his friends,” he said, folding up the sheet of paper and slipping it into his trouser pocket. “If he still wants us, that is.”

“That’s nice,” said Hilda. “The past is important. Memories are the ties that bind us to each other. If he does call me, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him. I’ll vouch for you, too. Tell him that you’re still nice lads and he should make the effort to see you.”

Brendan stood suddenly. He was jittery; unease bled from him like a fine mist. “Sorry,” he said. “Could I use your bathroom?” His eyes were huge. He was standing in such a way that Simon felt he was trying to hold something inside, like a man with chronic diarrhoea who’s been struck by sudden stomach cramps.

“Top of the stairs. First door on the left.” Hilda raised a hand and pointed vaguely at the door. The budgie, stuck behind narrow bars, skittered on the cage floor. Brendan hurried from the room.

“Sorry about that. I don’t know what’s wrong with Brendan. He’s been ill, something he ate.” Simon leaned back and crossed one ankle over the other, pretending to be at ease in this too-neat home with its floral-patterned curtains and mute bird in a tiny cage.

“I suspect there’s more wrong with him than that.” Hilda nodded, as if agreeing with her own statement. “He’s never been right, that one. Even before you lads came out of that tower block, he was a bit strange. Distant, like: always off with his head in the clouds.”

“He’s fine,” said Simon, feeling the need to protect his old friend. “Just a bit quiet. He always was the shy one.” Lies, all lies; Brendan had always been outgoing, at least in the years before the Needle.