Brian Hodge - Prototype

Gently, Adrienne nodded. She had been sitting with one knee draped over the other, leaning back, relaxed or trying to at least give that impression, but now she dropped both feet to the floor and slid forward, edge of the seat.

Oh, what she could learn from him, given the time and the freedom.

“Whether they realize it or not, people usually overreact because they’re feeling threatened. And not always by anything so obvious as three gang-bangers trying to relieve them of the last of their cash.”

While she left this with him, Adrienne combed mental files. Trying to call up those incidents in which Clay’s impulses got the worst of him. The destruction — merely mindless, or cannily directed? — he could leave in his wake. Shattered glass doors in convenience store coolers; BMW pounded halfway to the scrapyard with a lead pipe; parking lot rammings of the cars of cocky drivers with more insurance than sense. Yes, there had been fights too, but were his incidents of vandalism sudden ventings of rage to keep him from harming others? Or unconsciously chosen symbols of a world he despised?

Clay shifted back and forth on the couch — all at once he just couldn’t get comfortable there. So he left it, wandered across the room until he could sag against the windowsill and stare out at a world he’d not been part of for nearly three weeks.

“I thought about trying to become a Buddhist once,” he said to the glass, to a world that would never hear him, “because they always seem so peaceful. That was very appealing, I thought it might help.” He had begun to rhythmically strike his casts together, clunk clunk clunk, hammer and anvil, harder, louder — how must that feel vibrating through his knitting bones? Then he stopped. “But it’s so passive, I just… I couldn’t.

“But I did read this story that made so much sense. A story about Buddha. Someone came up to him, trying to figure out what it was about him that made him so wise, so in tune. They asked him, ‘Are you a god?’ He said, ‘No.’ Then they tried again, ‘How about a saint, are you a saint?’ Same thing, ‘No.’ Finally had to ask, ‘Well, what are you, then?’ And Buddha said, ‘I am awake.’”

Adrienne smiled. It was a beautiful little fable and for a moment she thought how much Sarah would love it, its profound simplicity. But Clay had not shared it in delight, and she watched as he knocked his head against the window, eyes shut, breath fogging the glass.

“You related to something in that story,” she said.

“I woke up one day, or month, or year — who knows how long it took, these things never just come over you full-blown, it takes time. I mean, I know there’s something seriously screwed up about me, too, but… I started seeing everything around me for what it was. And I realized it was all I could do to stand it, living in a world where everybody seems satisfied with so little. I’m not talking about material things, I mean their lives . Give them their little ruts and they’re happy. Or maybe not, but they settle for it, because they don’t know any other way out. And nobody encourages them to find it.”

Adrienne dared not interrupt his flow, watching as he drew himself together, stood taller, squarer at the window.

“It’s all just part of the grand mediocracy,” he said.

“Mediocrity, you mean?”

Clay shook his head. “Mediocrity is a quality. Mediocracy is the process that perpetuates it.” He must have noticed her vague uncertainty. “The word, I mean, I made it up.”

She nodded, and liked the word a great deal.

He explained: “In a democracy, the people are in charge. Theoretically. In an autocracy, it’s a despot. In a theocracy, the church rules. So, in a mediocracy…” He left it open, passing it to her.

“Society is ruled by that which is mediocre,” she finished, feeling a click within, a reversal of roles. He had become the lecturer and she the pupil.

She had wanted to learn from him? Of course. She had just thought she would remain in charge the whole time, and in a small way hated to lose the moment when she saw him turn again, back to the window, to stare. Hated world, intolerable world, world that rejects and is rejected.

“I’m awake,” he whispered, “but all it does is hurt.”

She thought of ruts over the next couple of days. How easy to fall into them, how difficult to recognize them from inside. Was she living in one as of late?

She worked, she treated patients. She came home, she slept. Books, always there to be read, nonfiction mostly, biographies and psychology texts, the occasional mystery. Her parents had retired two years ago to Prince Edward Island and she faithfully wrote them every other week. Now and again, a drive into the desert to watch the dawn, and feel the warming embrace as the newborn sun scorched the purity of land, to remember why she had come down here. Anything else? No, not much of note.

And she had to admit that, were it not for Sarah, it might sound dreadfully sterile. Sarah was a live-in safeguard against things becoming too routine. Sarah who prodded, “See this? Let’s go here,” and, “Look, look who’s playing, you’re coming with me, aren’t you?” Sarah never had to prod very hard. Adrienne wanted a social life, but the world was geared to those whose nights were free. It was her schedule — how the hell was she supposed to have a real social life when she didn’t clock in until four in the afternoon?

Re-evaluation often came out of unlikely inspirations: this time a patient who had brought her back face-to-face with the reasons she had gone into psychology in the first place.

Ruts meant no new purpose, no fresh goals. And so, that night after work, following the session with Clay, she stayed up until four completing her initial letter of proposal for a possible grant to study male aggression. She had already been to the university psychology department to see what was available, found herself drawn to one involving correlations between violence and authoritarian backgrounds. Perfect.

Of course, with the pace of funding agencies, both state and federal, she stood almost no chance of getting approval in time to take advantage of Clay’s presence in Tempe. He would be long gone, discharged. There was no reason to expect Ferris Mendenhall to approve his stay for that long, assuming Clay would even want to stay.

Still, it didn’t mean that, were a grant approved, she might not be able to make later contact.

Without exaggeration, Clay Palmer was unlike any other patient she had ever treated. She’d had ample contact with sociopaths and schizophrenics, and with patients whose maladaptation to the world had turned them into dysfunctional wretches. In their company Clay would fit, but he was the first of them to speak so rationally as a theoretician.

The mediocracy. Would Friedrich Nietzsche have spoken similarly, in this day and age, had he found himself in the asylum at the age of twenty-five?

Note to herself: See if there was anything available on the treatment Nietzsche had been receiving at the end of his life. It had been, after all, during the dawn of the psychoanalytic method.

Now, if she could just get the results of the karyotype so they could put that behind them.

Adrienne had been expecting it to arrive without ceremony, by courier perhaps, finding it in with her mail some afternoon when reporting for her shift.

The last thing she had expected was the Friday phone call from Arizona Associated Labs, ten minutes after her arrival. The voice on the other end was bewildered and excited in the same breath.

The results were nothing Adrienne had heard of before.

Worse, they were nothing the caller had ever seen.