Stephen King - The Plant

“Nevertheless, this particular bit of research is your baby,” Roger said, and gave Bill a severe look. “Sandra's got the joke book and Herb's got the nut book. You owe me an inspiration. In the meantime, I expect you to check into the wonderful world of tulpas.”

“What about him?” Bill asked sulkily. The him he was looking at was yours truly.

“John also has a project,” Roger told him. “Don't you, John?”

“That I do,” I replied, reminding myself again not to go home without diving back into the dusty atmosphere of the mailroom at least one more time. According to Tina, what I'd been looking for was in a purple box, on the bottom shelf, and way back in the corner.

No, not according to Tina.

According to OUIJA.

“It's time to go to work,” Roger said, “but I want to make three suggestions before I turn you loose. The first is that you stay away from the janitor's closet, no matter how drawn to it you may feel. If the urge gets really strong, do what the alkies do: call someone else who may have the same problem and talk about it until the urge goes away. Okay?”

His eyes swept us: Sandra once more sitting as prim and neat as a freshman coed at her first sorority social, Herb and Bill side by side on the floor, Mr. Stout and Mr. Narrow. Roger's baby blues touched me last. None of us said anything out loud, but Roger heard us just the same. That's the way it is at Zenith House right now. It's amazing, and most of the world would no doubt find it flat unbelievable, but that's the way it is. For better or worse. And because what he heard was what he wanted, Roger nodded and sat back, relaxing a bit.

“Second thing. You may feel the urge to tell someone outside this office about what has happened here... what is happening. I urge you with all my heart not to do it.”

He doesn't have to worry about it. We won't, none of us. It's ordinary human nature to want to confide a great and wonderful secret to which you have become privy, but not this time. I didn't need telepathy to know that; I saw it in their eyes. And I remembered something rather unpleasant from my childhood. There was this kid who lived up the street from me, not the world's nicest one by any means—Tommy Flannagan. He was skinny as a rail. He had a sister, maybe a year or two younger, who was much heavier. And sometimes he would chase her until she cried, yelling Greedy-guts, greedy-guts, greedy-greedy-greedy-guts! I don't know if poor little Jenny Flannagan was a greedy-guts or not, but I know that's what we looked like right then, the five of us: a bunch of greedy-guts editors sitting around in Roger Wade's office.

That look haunts me, because I'm sure it was on my face, too. The plant feels good. It gives off good smells. Its touch isn't slimy, not repulsive; it feels like a caress. A life-giving caress. Sitting here now, my eyes drooping after another long day (and I still have reading to do, if I can ever finish this entry), I wish I could feel it again. I know it would revive me, cheer me up and rev me up. And yet, some drugs also make you feel good, don't they? Even while they're killing you, they're making you feel good. Maybe that's nonsense, a little Puritanical holdover like a race memory, or maybe it's not. I just don't know. And for the time being, I guess it doesn't matter. Still...

Greedy-guts, greedy-guts, greedy-greedy-greedy-guts.

There was a moment of silence in the office and then Sandra said, “No one's going to spill the beans, Roger.”

Bill: “It's not just about saving our jobs in this lousy pulp-mill, either.”

Herb: “We want to stick it to that prick Enders as bad as you do, Roger. Believe it.”

“Okay,” Roger said. “I do. Which brings me to the last thing. John has been keeping a diary.”

I almost jumped out of my seat and started to ask how he knew that—I hadn't told him—then realized I didn't have to. Thanks to Zenith down there in Riddley Walker country, we know a lot about each other now. More than is healthy for us, probably.

“It's a good idea,” Roger went on. “I suggest you all start keeping diaries.”

“If we're really going to crash a bunch of new books into production, I don't expect to have time to wash my own hair,” Sandra grumbled. As if she'd been put in charge of editing a newly discovered James Joyce manuscript instead of World's Sickest Jokes.

“Nevertheless, I strongly suggest you find time for this,” Roger said. “Written journals might not be worth much if things turn out the way we hope, but they could be invaluable if things don't... well, let's just say that we don't have any clear idea of what forces we're playing with here.”

“He who takes a tiger by the tail dares not let go,” Bill said. He spoke in a kind of baleful mutter.

“Nonsense,” Sandra said. “It's only a plant. And it's good. I felt that very strongly.”

“A lot of people thought Adolf Hitler was just the bee's knees,” I said, which earned me a sharp stare from the senorita.

“I keep going back to the thing Barfield said about the plant needing blood to really get rolling,” Roger said. “The blood of evil or the blood of insanity. I don't really understand that, and I don't like it. The idea that we're raising a vampire vine in the janitor's closet...”

“And no longer just in the janitor's closet,” I added, earning myself dirty looks from Sandra and Herb, plus a puzzled, rather uneasy one from Bill.

“I'd just as soon it didn't sample blood of any kind, that's all,” Roger said. “Things are rolling quite enough to suit our purposes right now.” He cleared his throat. “I think we're playing with high explosives here, people, and in a case like that, record-keeping can come in handy. Notes and jottings are really all I'm asking for.”

“If they were ever read in court, journals about this stuff would probably end us up in Oak Cove,” Herb said. “That's the nut-farm old Iron-Guts broke out of, just in case any of you forgot.”

“Better Oak Cove than Attica,” I said.

“That's comforting, John,” Sandra said. “That's very comforting.”

“Don't worry, sweetheart,” Bill said, reaching out and giving her ankle a pat. “I think they send the ladies to Ossining.”

“Yes,” she said. “Where I can discover the joys of Sapphic love with a three-hundred-pound biker chick.”

“Stop it, all of you,” Roger said impatiently. “It's a precaution, that's all. There's really no downside to this. Not if we're careful.”

It wasn't until then that I realized just how desperately Roger wants to turn Zenith House around, now that he has the chance. How much he wants to save his reputation now that there's a real chance to save it. I thought again of that rabbit general yelling, “Come back, you fools! Dogs aren't dangerous!”

I believe that, in the days and weeks ahead, Roger Wade will bear watching. The others, too. And myself, of course.

Maybe myself most of all.

“I think I'm ready for a little vacation in Oak Cove, anyway,” Bill said. “I feel as if I'm reading you guys' minds, and that's got to be crazy.”

No one said anything. No one really needed to.

Dear diary, we're past that point.

I spent the rest of the day recovering my more-or-less normal existence. I removed a long, dull dinner-party scene from Olive's latest Windhover opus and, mindful of the late great Tina Barfield, left in a rough-sex scene that really is rough (at one point a blunt object is inserted in an unlikely place with unlikely, ecstatic results). I tracked down a culinary consultant through the New York Public Library, and she has agreed, for the sum of four hundred dollars (which we can barely afford) to go through the recipes in Janet Freestone-Love's Your New Astral Cookbook and try to assure me that there's nothing poisonous in there. Cookbooks are invariably moneymakers, even the bad ones, but few people outside this crazy business realize they can also be dangerous; fuck up a few ingredients and people can die. Ludicrous, but it happens. I went to lunch with Jinky Carstairs, who is novelizing the lesbo-vampire piece of shit we're stuck with (burgers at Burger Heaven, how chi-chi) and had a drink after work with Rodney Slavinksy, who writes the Coldeye Denton westerns under the name of Bart I. Straight. The Coldeyes don't do diddly-dick in the U. S. market, but for some reason they've found an audience in France, Germany, and Japan. We share in those rights. Greedy-guts, greedy-guts.