Stan Morris - Surviving the Fog

“Your mother thinks that it’s her fault,” he said.

Star calmed down enough to ask, “Why?”

“She says that she had been asking him about dryer sheets and bleach and groceries. So he went to Bakersfield to get them. But I think she forgets that he wanted to visit his parents. I think it was just bad luck that he happened to be in Bakersfield when this happened. I think it was just bad luck that I happened to be here instead of San Diego when this happened. Or maybe it was good luck. I don’t know. I just know that it’s not your mother’s fault, and it’s not your fault.” Ralph took a deep breath. “And I guess it’s not my fault.” They were both quiet for several minutes. Star sniffed from time to time.

“Did you ever go with your sister to the zoo?” Star suddenly asked. Ralph was confused for a moment at the change of subject.

“Oh, yes, the San Diego Zoo. Yes, we went there sometimes,” he replied. “I let my sister ride on my shoulders. But the place we liked the best was the San Diego Wildlife Preserve. It had this huge open area, and the people were up high on a hill, so we could see everywhere, all at once. There were walls around the whole thing, and there was a train that went around the whole place, so you could see everything like the lions, and the zebras, and the giraffes.”

Star looked up. “Lions?” she asked, giving him a look of doubt. “In the open? Not in cages?”

“That was the best part for me. They didn’t have to live in cages. They could just walk around free.”

Star was silent for a minute. “Mama’s gonna hate me, now,” she said with a big sniff. “’Cause I hit Comet, and I said really mean things to her.”

“Your mama will never hate you, Star,” Ralph assured the little girl. “Your mama loves you, and she always will. But she will want you to apologize to Comet.”

“All right.” Star wiped her eyes. Then in a small voice, she asked him, “Is it okay if I don’t call you, ‘Daddy?’ I mean, if you marry my mama someday, I can wait and call you, ‘Daddy’ then, okay?”

For a long moment it was if his heart had stopped. There was a ringing in his ears, and he had trouble drawing a breath. Slowly he breathed out and then he said. “No matter what happens, Star, you can always call me Ralph. I promise. You know what? When spring comes, I’m going to make a big sign and put it right by the road. It’s going to say, Davis Brown Farm, so everyone will always know that the name of this place is Davis Brown Farm.”

“Davis Brown Farm,” Star repeated slowly. “That’s a good name. Davis Brown Farm.”

There was a knock at the door. Slowly the door opened, and timidly Mary looked around the door. Star looked at her and then started to cry again.

“I’m sorry, Mama,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry I said that. Please don’t hate me.”

Mary shoved the door open, and she flew into her daughter’s arms. “I love you so much, Star,” she cried.

Ralph got up, and he went to the door. With one backward glance, he shut the door, leaving the little girl and her mother to their grief.

Things were better after that. Star apologized to her brother, and she made a point of playing with him; even letting him chose what to play. Star wasn’t perfect, of course. She was, after all, a little girl.

February arrived, and it was time for the twins’ birthday. Mary baked them a cake. Comet gave each boy one of his toys as a present. They thanked Comet, and they asked if they might keep their presents in his toy box. He assured them that it was okay with him. Then they watched an action DVD, while Ralph attended to the barn chores. After the movie, Ralph asked to speak with them. They went to the kitchen where Ralph presented them with spears made of old broom and mop handles and filed iron spearheads. They were painted with lightning bolts.

“I thought it was time that you two had your own spears,” said Ralph gruffly. “So I made these for you.” The boys were amazed.

“Wow, this is so cool!” Kevin exclaimed, as he examined his. “Thanks a lot, Ralph.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to show mine to the guys at the Lodge,” Nathan agreed. “This is really decent of you, Ralph.”

Ralph looked uncomfortable, and then, behind the boys, he saw Mary smiling at him and waiting for him to respond. “Uh, you’re welcome,” he answered. Mary’s smile widened.

“He has been working on those spears for a long time,” said Mary. Ralph reddened, and he mumbled something incomprehensible.

The rest of February passed uneventfully, to Mary’s relief. She was always aware of Ralph and where he was, and one time she had an erotic dream in which he made an appearance, but for the most part they tried to pretend that their feelings for each other did not exist. In early March, Paige had a birthday. Again Mary baked a cake, and Comet presented the girl with one of his toys, but this time, instead of making Paige a gift, Ralph suggested that they hold a dance.

Mary had a now useless cell phone with an MP3 player feature that was chocked full of music. They hooked it to a pair of speakers and played a mixture of fast and slow music. The twins were not crazy about the idea, but since it was Paige’s birthday they stoically went along. Once they started dancing, the twins had a lot of fun. Star demanded to be taught to dance, and Comet got in on the action by prancing around the living room. It was fun, it was silly and the house rang with laughter.

Afterwards, Kylie asked if they could have a slumber party in the attic. Ralph agreed to sleep in Nathan’s bed for the night, and the six children tromped up to the attic. Mary knew that it would be forever before they went to sleep, so she decided that only work that would be done the following day would be work that was essential.

With the kids gone, Mary and Ralph were alone. “Well, that was a riot,” he observed. Mary laughed.

“It was great. I can’t believe that you suggested a dance. That was a wonderful idea,” she said.

“They’re girls. I thought that they might like it. It was fun teaching them the steps to the slow dances. I used to dance with my sister like that. She stood on my shoes, and I moved around,” Ralph said.

“My husband and I didn’t know any dances, fast or slow. But sometimes we would get out on the dance floor and bounce around. If it was a slow dance, we just held on to each other.” Mary smiled at the memory. “Thanks for teaching me,” she said.

The MP3 player was still playing. Roy Orbison began to sing. “Would you care to dance, Mary?” Ralph murmured.

Mary’s heart began to pound. Are you kidding? Me and you? Alone? That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard . She thought of an old television show that she used to watch on a rerun channel when she was a kid. She felt like stepping back, waving her arms like the robot, and shouting, “danger, danger, danger.”

“All right,” she heard herself say.

She placed her hands on his shoulders, and he placed his hands on her waist. Slowly, they began the steps he had taught her; their feet moved perfectly together. Gradually, they closed the gap between them. She lifted her arms around his neck. He moved his arms behind her back. The music was lovely, romantic, and suggestive, and their bodies responded to each other; their breathing deepened.

Then the song ended, and a faster tune began. For a moment they stood there, clinging to each other. Then Mary gave him a little nudge, and he released her. She didn’t know what to say. Upstairs, she could hear the sound of children laughing at something.

“Let’s sit down and listen to the music,” Ralph suggested.

“Good idea,” Mary replied.

She walked to the sofa and sat down, expecting Ralph to take the chair, but he followed her and sat down beside her. He put his arm around her; his hand began to stroke her shoulder. Hesitantly, she leaned against him. She sat there, tense, waiting for something to happen. When he spoke, his words were a surprise.