Kendare Blake - Girl of Nightmares

“No,” Anna insists. “He’s past that.”

My ears have mostly shut off as they go back and forth. Twenty-five murderous dead. They’re all here, locked inside him. Every one that I killed. The greasy-haired hitchhiker. Even Peter Carver. That’s why I saw him in the rock, and why Emily Danagger chased me through the cliffs. None of them went where they were supposed to. He was lying in wait like a shark, mouth open, waiting to swallow them whole.

“Anna,” I hear myself say. “Four moaning innocents. What do you mean by that? Who are they?”

Her eyes move to mine. There’s regret in them. She hadn’t meant to say it. But she did.

“Two boys you know,” she says slowly. “One man you don’t.” Her eyes lower. Will and Chase. The jogger in the park.

“That’s three. Who’s the fourth?” I ask even though I know. I need to hear it. She looks back up and takes a deep breath.

“You look so much like him,” she says.

My fists clench, and when I yell it’s at the top of my lungs, so the sound will carry far enough in this fucking place for that bastard to hear.

“Hey,” Jestine says. She takes me by the shoulders and shakes once. I shrug her off. “Now’s not the time to be doing anything stupid.”

The hell it isn’t. I pace across the damned rock, clenching my teeth every time my foot strikes the hardness of the surface. It sends vibrations of pain all the way up to my knees. What do I have? The knife in my hand. The rage in my throat. This body, bleeding out in another dimension. I turn to Anna. Her eyes trail across the landscape, wondering at the way the rock seems to hint at shades of red and electricity. It’s picking up on my intentions. The edges are getting sharper.

“Can we beat him?”

Her lips part in surprise, but something moves in her irises too. Something quick, and dark, that I remember. It makes my pulse go faster.

Jestine shoves me in the shoulder. “No, we can’t bloody beat him! Not here. She couldn’t beat him, and from what I understand, she’s some big badass ghost.” She glances at Anna, who stands quietly, dark hair hanging down her sides. “Course I can’t see that now. But even if we could, we don’t have time. Can’t you feel that? Can’t you hear it? Colin says that my breathing is slowing. What does Thomas say?”

“Thomas doesn’t say anything,” I reply. And it’s true. I haven’t heard a peep from him since we crossed over. If I looked back now, I could see him, but I don’t. Jestine’s breathing is slowing. Mine must be too. But time is different here. Over here we might have hours. And I’m not leaving until this is finished.

“What is this?” I ask Jestine, holding the knife up before her eyes.

“Have you lost your mind?” She knocks it away like it was a threat. “We’re out of time.”

“Just tell me,” I say, and hold it back up again. “It’s here, where it came from. So over here is it just a knife? Or can I still use it?”

Jestine looks past the blade, into my eyes. I don’t waver, and she looks away first.

“I don’t know what it is,” she says. “But it’s tied to the magic of the Order. It’s always more than just a knife.”

“I can feel it too,” says Anna. “It doesn’t hum like before but—he could feel it. That’s why he ran.”

“Is he afraid of it?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Not afraid. Maybe not even surprised. Maybe just excited.”

Cas? Can you hear me? Time’s up. Get back here.

Not now, Thomas. Not yet.

“Jestine,” I say. “Don’t take any chances. Go back. Anna and I will follow, if we can.”

“Cas,” she says, but I step back and take Anna by the hand.

“I can’t leave here until he’s done,” I say to them both. “Until he’s alone and torn apart. I can’t let him keep them any longer. Not Will, or Chase, or that poor jogger from the park. Not my dad.” The corner of my mouth curls and I look at Anna. “Not even that asshole Peter Carver. I’m going to cut them loose. And you too.”

“One more time,” she says, and when her eyes snap to mine, she’s the girl I remember. Her hand presses my stomach. Yes, I know. We have to hurry.

“Fuck it all,” says Jestine. “You stay, I stay. You can use me anyway. I’ve got chisels, and magic.” She wipes at her forehead with the back of her wrist. “But let’s get on with it.” She nods at Anna. “You’d better come in handy. Something tells me we won’t have time to be saving damsels in distress.”

Anna’s brows knit. “Damsels? You get sliced open, burned, and dashed against the rocks about a thousand times or so. Then we’ll see who the damsel is.”

Jestine lets her head fall back and laughs madly; it rings through the dead air without an echo.

“Facing him one on one would be trouble. I don’t even know if he can kill us here, but hand to hand he could incapacitate us, pull our spines out like he was deboning a fish. And that’d be enough. We’d lie here until our bodies bled out on the floor of the deep well. Then he’d have us.” Jestine crosses her arms.

“It should be together then,” Anna says. “Can you fight?”

Jestine nods in my direction. “I can take Cas on pretty easily.”

“Is that supposed to impress me?” Anna asks, inclining her head, and Jestine laughs.

“Cas, your girl’s got quite a tongue.” She steps closer and narrows her eyes. “And she seems suspiciously, suddenly sane.”

“It’s the purpose,” Anna replies. “There is no purpose here. No reason. It’s disconnected. If I had to describe this place in one word, that would be it. The purpose makes me all right.”

She glances at me. Jestine doesn’t know her well enough to recognize the shadow in that glance, but I do. She’s not all right. But she’s going through the motions and wearing the masks. There’ll be more time, later on, to mend her, and make her forget. I tell myself that. But if I’m truthful, I have no idea what can be done to wash it away.

Cas. You’ve got to come back now.

No, Thomas. Not now. My eyes scan the bleak, expansive landscape. It looks flat, with just a slight slope here and there. The lack of distance and perspective makes my head spin. But it lies. It all lies. He’s out there somewhere, and he’s got plenty of places to hide.

“He’s not going to come to us,” I say. “I think he knows what I want.”

“Well, we can’t just stand around,” Jestine says. She blinks fast and her head moves in a quick, jerky twitch. Burke must be in her ear.

“He might come,” says Anna. “If we let him hunt us.”

“Sounds fun,” Jestine mutters sarcastically. She looks at me. “I suppose solitary prey is more appealing than a herd. If I scream, come running.” She takes a deep breath and turns to go.

“Don’t,” I say. “If you lose sight of us, you might lose us completely. This place can take you.”

She grins over her shoulder. “This place takes you where you want. We’ll be seeking him, and he’ll be seeking us, and then we’ll double back on each other. You’re always lost here, Cas. One way or another.”

I smirk. I didn’t lose her before. She disappeared on purpose, so she’d have time to find her damn vein of metal. Fine. I should have known.

“Don’t take chances,” I tell her. “If you have to go back, then go back.”

“Don’t get dramatic,” she scoffs. “I’m your friend but I’m not dying for you. I’m not Thomas. I’m not her .” Her footsteps fall flat on the rocks as she walks away, whistling a tune that sounds like Elmer Fudd’s when he’s after rabbits. When Anna and I look at each other, I know that behind us, Jestine has disappeared.