Marianna Baer - Frost

“Come on,” David said, cajoling, as if he was trying to convince me to take a breadstick or something equally trivial. “Next year we’ll have a nice place in the city. You can handle living in some other dorm until then. What’s the big deal about you staying there?”

The big deal? He knew how I felt about my room. How could he even ask? And how could they be so casual, so … so … so goddamn cheery? I stared at my fork. “I don’t want to move out.” My voice was tight.

“It’s a good plan,” Celeste said to me. “We know it’s kind of weird, but not so much if you think about it.”

“It’s kind of impractical, to put it mildly,” I said. “And what about Viv and Abby and Ms. Martin? You’re going to make all of them move out, too? And Kate is supposed to move in next semester. What about her? We’re all supposed to live there.”

“Do you have a better idea?” David said.

I couldn’t believe he was putting me in this position in front of Celeste. He knew what I thought.

“A problem with the wiring,” he said. “Don’t old houses have dangerous electrical problems sometimes?”

“The dangerous wiring isn’t in the house,” I muttered.

“What?” David leaned toward me.

“Nothing. I mean, yes, of course there could be dangerous wiring. But we wouldn’t know.”

“What if we just scorched the wall?” he said. “Not a full-fledged fire. Just enough to make them nervous. You know, a big, scorched area around an outlet. Would that be enough for them to move you?”

With no warning, Celeste stood up, jiggling the table and sloshing our drinks. She lifted her glass. “A toast,” she said.

“What?” I said.

“I can’t even tell you how good this feels,” she said. “Even just knowing that you guys know, and that we’re going to do something about it. I have been so fucking scared and so fucking alone. I would like to toast our new coalition. Formed out of a betrayal, yes,” she said, looking me in the eye, “but formed nonetheless.”

“Celeste,” David said. “Leena did the right thing, telling me. We wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t.” He lifted his Coke. “We should be toasting her.”

“Fine. To Leena,” Celeste said.

Their eyes pinned me against the back of the booth. At that moment, I couldn’t see how not to do what they wanted. I lifted my glass.

“HOW CAN I DO IT-?” I said. “How can I help Celeste without losing David?” Please be wise , I thought. Please, I need help. I need wisdom. Cubby’s eyes stared back at me in the light from the camping lantern. I’d taken a pill to calm down, but what I really needed was answers.

You can’t.

I shivered. “I don’t understand how he can be so blind.”

He’s not blind. He’s sick.

“No.” I shook my head. “He just wants her to be okay.”

He wants her to be crazy. He likes it.

No. I knew that he wanted to take care of her, but he would rather he didn’t have to. I knew that. He wasn’t sick.

And now he’s going to take away Frost House.

“No.”

Someone was knocking on the bedroom door. Loudly. My room light was on; I couldn’t pretend to be asleep.

I emerged from the closet, unlocked and opened it.

Celeste stood with a manila envelope in her hand.

“Okay,” she said. “I told you not to tell David. Right?”

I swallowed. “Right.”

“But, I’ve decided, there’s no reason for me to be mad, really, since David is being so great. I actually … I want you to have this,” she said, handing me the envelope. “As a kind of thanks. You know, I see that you were really just freaked out. And how can I blame you after the way I was acting at the party? That was too much to expect you to deal with.”

I ran my finger along the sharp edge of the manila flap. I had visions of finding something inside that she could use to blackmail me. “Should I open it?”

“Of course.”

I eased out an eight-by-ten color photograph. In it, a cockroach wearing a tiny white dress and gold wings appeared to be flying in front of what was obviously a painted sky and green mountains—like the flats from a miniature stage set. It was delicate and strangely beautiful.

“You made this?”

She nodded.

“This is what you do with the roaches?”

Celeste leaned forward on her crutches so she could look at the picture. “Well, basically. But this is the only one that’s of an angel. I have a whole bunch of different painted sets that I photograph them in front of. I have so many roaches because I ruin a lot in the process. It’s hard to get it all perfect. I don’t like correcting stuff in Photoshop. I like it to be all … real.”

“It’s really strange. In a good way,” I said. I slid it back in the envelope. “I like it. Thanks so much.”

“Sure,” she said. “Well, like I said, I realized you were trying to help. And as it happens, you ended up doing the right thing. David and I will owe you after this is all over. I’m sure he feels that way, too. I’m sure this will, you know, bring you guys closer together. All of us. Like, now it’s the three of us in on it. Right?”

“Sure,” I said. But I must have hesitated just a second too long.

“You still think I’m sick. Don’t you?” she said.

My big toe followed a crack between two floorboards. She wouldn’t hurt me, would she? I didn’t think so. Her violent tendencies were toward herself.

“It’s okay,” she said. “As long as you give me a chance to show that I’m not. You’ll see. It’ll be better for you, too. David’ll see how much he can trust you.” She reached up and brushed something off her cheek. The sleeve of her leopard-print vintage sweater crept up a bit. A bruise I’d never noticed before circled her wrist. “It bothered me a bit,” she said, “when you and David got together. Partly, you know, I already felt lonely because of this … this house stuff. But also, I think, as much as I hated how protective he was, I got nervous that I needed him. But now I’m glad you’re, like, in love. I’m sorry if I made it hard. I should’ve realized it didn’t have to be you or me. And that I’m stronger than I thought.”

I lay down on my bed and stared at the cockroach angel in Celeste’s photograph. I pictured that bruise on her tiny wrist, a bizarre bracelet. I couldn’t do what they wanted me to do. But maybe … maybe there was a way. A way I could take care of Celeste without losing David. Or Frost House. Because if I lost them, what would I have left?

MOST FRESHMEN EAT IN LOWER RIGHT, at least the ones who haven’t made varsity teams or gotten leads in plays. Sure enough, the next morning I found Nicole there, eating breakfast with her friend, Sera.

“Can I talk to you, Nicole?” I said. “Alone?”

Sera stood and picked up her tray. “I was leaving anyway. FYI, Nicki, danger at ten o’clock.” She giggled. “See you later, lovebird.”

I followed Nicole’s eyes toward ten o’clock where a guy in an oversize Barcroft hoodie sat. Nicole jerked her gaze down to her plate. “Shoot. Did he see me?”

“I have no idea,” I said, sliding into the seat Sera had vacated. If only my main worry was running into some guy in Commons. “I need your help, Nicole. The situation is more complicated than I thought.”

“What situation?” Nicole’s eyes flicked back toward the guy. She smoothed her hair behind her ears.

“The thing with the girl in the locker room. I’m hoping you’ll do me a favor.”

Now she focused on me. “What can I do? I don’t even know her.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I said. “Just tell Dean Shepherd what you saw. You know, the bruises. Don’t mention my name. Tell the dean like she’s the only person you’ve told.”