Matthew Costello - Vacation

Maybe I would have seen the trap faster.

We’d both be alive.

“Did they say when rehab would start?” Jack said.

Brandt pulled up a chair and sat close to the head of the bed. Jack gave the bed controls a push and elevated his head a bit.

“Work begins tomorrow. In bed. Then depending on how the leg does, you’ll start the real work with physical therapy.”

“Guess I won’t be running any time soon.”

Captain Brandt hesitated. He probably knew the prognosis better than Jack. “Running? Might be a while for that.” Brandt took a breath, then dared some honesty. “Think your running days may be down the road a bit.”

Down the road a bit.

As in never.

Jack nodded as best he could.

Then: “I’ll run. Might be a bit lopsided. Might have a bit of limp. But I’ll run.”

Captain smiled back.

“I bet you will.”

Running.

It was about more than just exercise. Things happened fast out on the streets. Fast. And running, as if some primal ability resurrected from our cave and jungle days, could be the difference between life and death.

“You’re eating well?”

Another nod. Both of them avoiding talk of that day. The first time Brandt visited, Jack had been so doped up, the captain had been a blur, drifting in and out of focus, the sound of his voice echoing from miles away.

Today was better.

That was good.

Today, Jack wanted to ask a few questions.

“Captain, I wanted to thank the guys who got me. I mean, I was gone. How long before—”

Brandt patted Jack’s shoulder.

“Jack, we can review everything later. I don’t think now’s the time.”

Jack couldn’t stop thinking about it, remembering. The smells, the Can Heads all over the place. Rodriguez. And somehow he had been able to stop them.

That part—stopping them—no, that still didn’t seem real.

But he had done it.

“Any more trouble there? That building?”

Brandt smiled. “Trouble everywhere these days, Jack.”

Even though Jack got a regular and powerful cocktail of painkillers, he could still see things… notice things.

Now, he locked on his captain’s eyes. He saw Brandt look left, as if the question might be dodged. He blinked.

More of Red Hook abandoned? The circle of Safe Zones tightening?

“Can’t we leave this for later?”

Jack nodded. He couldn’t demand that his captain talk about it.

The doctors must have told Brandt: no shop talk.

A nurse walked in, smiled at the two of them, looked at Jack’s drip, and then walked out again.

Jack locked his eyes right on Brandt’s.

“You heard my radio?”

“Yeah. No response when we pinged you back.” Brandt took a breath. “The guys didn’t know what they’d find. Pretty surprised. You alive, and a whole lot of dead Can Heads.”

“And Rodriguez.”

A nod. “Yes. Rodriguez dead, too.”

“I… I…”

“Jack. Easy. Let it rest. For now, hm?”

Now Jack looked away.

Suppose I should be grateful.

To be fucking alive.

He didn’t feel that way.

Are we losing this fucking war?

“I guess… I should just say thanks.”

Brandt nodded, shrugging.

Finally: “Captain, I know I can’t be out in the streets for a while. But I’d like to get back as soon as possible. Maybe some desk work. You’ll need all the officers you can—”

Brandt shook his head.

“Jack, how long has it been since you’ve had any time away from the job?”

“I don’t need any time. Soon as my leg is good, in a few weeks, I can—”

“You need a break, Jack. Let psych service see you. Get some counseling. You can’t just shrug this off. You have a lot of time coming.”

Jack arched his back up, raising his head off the pillow as much as he could.

“I don’t need any damn time.”

The nurse came into the room again.

“Officer, your family is downstairs, coming up now.”

Another smile from her, but it quickly evaporated as she sensed the tension in the room.

Brandt pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Yeah. I want you to take the time. Talk to your wife. A break. A vacation.”

Jack opened his mouth, but he knew Brandt well enough to know that an order was an order.

“Talk to Christie. Get away. The Can Heads will be here when you come back.” Another pause. “I need people like you, Jack.”

A boy’s voice echoed from the hospital hallway.

His son, Simon.

Brandt started for the door.

“Get better, Jack.”

Then he turned and left.

Christie watched Simon run ahead, down the hospital hallway, Kate walking tentatively beside her. She had worried how they both would react, seeing their dad in a hospital bed.

She and Jack had agreed to tell them only that he’d had an accident at work.

Their strong daddy took a nasty fall.

“Simon,” she said. Then louder, “Wait.”

Simon stopped. She looked down at Kate, who was three years older than her brother. Christie wondered whether her daughter suspected something more than an accident. There was no way, even in a protected area of Staten Island, that they could keep things from either of their children.

The times Kate tried to ask questions about his job, Jack changed the subject.

Eventually she stopped asking questions.

With Simon stopped, Christie saw Jack’s captain come out of the room. He smiled as she came close.

“Christie. I think… he’s coming along,” he said quietly.

“Captain, that’s good. I—”

“But, can I have a word with you?”

Christie looked down at the two kids. “Sure. Simon, Kate, you go in to your dad. Just don’t make a lot of noise. I’ll be right there.”

Simon bolted into the room. After a brief hesitation, Kate followed.

“I just wanted to tell you…” Brandt said. “I mean, I told Jack that he needs to take some time off. He’s not happy about that.”

Kate nodded. “I’m not surprised.”

“Right. He talked about desk duty. Something like that. I told him to do his rehab. Get better. Take some time off.”

Christie nodded.

“I said he needed to take a vacation. He has it coming.”

Christie pushed her hair off her forehead. “Do people still take those?”

“Yes. And he needs to. Maybe the family needs it. Look…”

Brandt reached into his back pocket and pulled out a glossy brochure.

“Look at this. Been posted in the precincts. It may be something he needs. You all need.”

Christie took the brochure, and stood there for a few minutes reading it.

“Where’s your mom?” Jack asked.

Kate stood rail straight, a few feet from the bed. Simon showed no such reticence, leaning right on the crisp white bedclothes, his eyes searching his dad’s.

“She’s talking to some man,” Simon said.

“Captain Brandt,” Kate added.

“You kids okay?” Jack said, smiling. “Getting homework done? Helping Mom?”

“I don’t like homework,” Simon said.

“When are you coming home?” Kate asked.

“Soon. Just need my leg to get better.”

“Mom said you had an accident.”

Kate. Eyes locked on. Face impassive.

My daughter isn’t buying any of this , Jack thought.

“Yeah. Took a bad fall out on patrol.”

He waited for Kate to say something more. Like: Are you sure it wasn’t some of those people? The ones the other kids talk about.

The people who eat people.

But whether it was seeing Jack in the bed or the fact that Simon was here, Kate didn’t go any further.