John Ringo - Islands of Rage and Hope

“Roger,” Lieutenant Commander Vancel said. “Conn, come to two-two-three turns for one third to close contact.”

“Come to two-two-three, aye. Turns for one third, aye.”

Vancel looked at the periscope repeater and blew out.

“What happens in the compartment, huh?” he muttered. “COB.”

“Sir?”

“These images do not get circulated. Not even to the nukes and tell them I’m serious.”

“Not circulated, aye. May the chief of boat ask why , sir?”

“Oh, dear,” Sophia said, looking through the binos. “What happens in the compartment, stays in the compartment. What happens in the…Oh, screw that !”

“It’s not his fault!”

Lee Ann McGregor was just turned twelve and an orphan. Also extremely pregnant. She was shivering under a blanket in the relative cool of the saloon, drinking tomato soup as if it was nectar and arguing to spare the life of the young man sitting next to her.

The hangdog young man in question, Kevin White, was seventeen. And currently surrounded by women who were looking at him like a zombie that was in their targeting reticle. Wisely, he was keeping his mouth shut.

“Miss McGregor,” Sophia said calmly. “You’re a little young to have this explained but it looks like the explanation is late…”

“We never did anything!” Lee Ann said. “And, when, you know, I started to show, Kevin sort of explained it. But we can’t figure it out. We never did anything . Not anything !”

“If the only other male present could ask some questions without getting his head ripped off?” Walker asked.

“Go ahead,” Sophia said.

“Kevin,” Walker said. “It is nearly impossible for a man below a certain age to do ‘nothing.’ Pressures build, especially around a beautiful young lady. Pain occurs and, in fact, if ‘nothing’ is done actual damage can occur.”

“Seriously?” Sophia said. “Hold it a second, you mean actual damage .”

“Yes,” Walker said. “Knew a guy who was very faithful to his wife, very disciplined and very religious. Also on a very long deployment. He eventually went to the medics because he was, well, leaking. The doctor explained to him that, no, whatever the Bible says, the system is designed to be used and is one way exit only. And if you don’t occasionally let it out, it breaks. Pressure builds, valves become damaged and eventually if nothing is done you become, essentially, sterile. Also it is, long term, very bad for the prostate. Some yogis have managed to do that to themselves, intentionally, as a form of asceticism. However, I strongly doubt that young Mr. White was that disciplined. Mr. White? Nothing?”

“I couldn’t do nothing !” Kevin finally snapped. “We had to pee, we had to poop! We’d turn our backs and, you know, do it. And sometimes I’d ask Lee Ann if she could maybe turn her back. But I was going that way,” he said, pointing out to sea. “I wasn’t…I didn’t…I mean, if I was getting in trouble for what I did , that’d be one thing! But I’m getting in trouble and I didn’t even get to… I didn’t do anything! ”

“Likely story,” Olga said, her arms crossed.

“No, unlikely story,” Walker said. “But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a lie. I mean, it’s about as bad a lie as you could come up with. I’d have said there was another person in the raft when they first abandoned ship and that he knocked her up.”

Kevin looked at him with his jaw down.

“Why didn’t we think of that!” Lee Ann said. “Damn! But we still didn’t do anything. Honest. Really, we didn’t. I wanted to and…” She shut her mouth quickly.

“Okay, now, that is discipline,” Tom said. “You, young man, are a credit to your parents. God bless them and keep them.”

“I still don’t buy it,” Olga said, frowning. “This has only happened once in history and there was a donkey, not a lifeboat, in the story. And I don’t see three wise men.”

“Ah, but there is a rubber lifeboat in this one,” Tom said. “And the romantic tropical currents. How much discipline, children? It is common, we have found, for people in lifeboats in southerly climes to remove much or all of their clothing from time to time. Especially during the daytime. Frequently all.”

Both of them were intently studying the floor.

“Did you or did you not occasionally get naked?” Sophia asked. When there wasn’t an answer she sighed. “Show of hands who has sunbathed nude while on this trip?” she said, raising her hand. Eventually the whole crew had their hands up.

“Seriously?” Lee Ann said, raising her hand tentatively.

“They tell me I have to wear clothes now that I’m an officer,” Sophia said. “It’s a pain.”

“Okay, now I really don’t believe ‘nothing,’” Olga said. “You two could not have been nude in the life raft and him do ‘nothing.’”

“He’d go over the side and I’d sort of turn my back,” Lee Ann said. “All the time at first, then…I got curious. But he had his back turned. I’m still not sure what he was doing. Except it was a lot.”

“Any storms?” Walker asked. “Rain and spray get into the raft?”

“Yes, sir,” Kevin said.

“No way in hell,” Olga said. “You’re serious.”

“Last extremely embarrassing question, Kevin,” Walker asked. “You were in a boat with a beautiful, nubile, young lady you were trying very hard to be a gentleman with. No nocturnal, or rather sleeping, emissions?”

“Uh…once,” Kevin said.

“The white stuff?” Lee Ann said. “That was kinda gross. And it was three times.”

“Tada!” Walker said, holding up his hands.

“I’m not buying it,” Olga said. “Were you spooning her?”

“You mean,” Kevin said, leaning over and holding out his hands. “Nooo… Not…me to her. No way. That would…I couldn’t have…Uh, uh. She’d curl up to my back. If I’d…No.”

“Mr. Walker?” Sophia said.

“There was a previous case of noncontact conception,” Walker said. “Potentially. A young woman near a Civil War battlefield, Shiloh if I recall correctly, was hit by a minie ball in the stomach. In the uterus to be precise. She survived. A few months later she was clearly pregnant. There was a bit of a scandal since ladies were not supposed to get pregnant unless married. She insisted she was a virgin and a doctor confirmed it.”

“Seriously?” Olga said. “You’re making this up.”

“In the battle a young man had been hit in the right testicle by rifle fire,” Walker continued. “Eventually the two were united and ever after people swore the child looked exactly like him. This was, admittedly, based upon the crude medical knowledge of the time and hoary folklore but she did give birth nine months to the day after the battle. And, yes, it was Shiloh—it was what they named the child. They later married and it turned out that one was sufficient as she had four more children by him. All of them looked much the same. Of course, I suppose she could have been banging the same neighbor the whole time.

“Sperm is funny stuff. Some men have sperm that can’t swim straight. Others have, if you will, super sperm. Kryptonite won’t stop the little tadpoles. Oh, here’s another question. Lee Ann, do you like Kevin? Do you, occasionally, get sort of butterflies in your stomach?”

“I love him,” Lee Ann said. “I know this is his baby and I want to have it. I love him. I know you’re going to take him away but I’ll keep looking for him forever . I’ll cross the world and fight zombies to be with him.”