Edward Lorn: Crawl

And to think, poor Colton felt neglected.

Now, Juliet gripped the sides of her seat, fighting back the building rage that threatened to bubble forth from her.

In a voice not much more than a whisper, she said, “Don’t… just don’t . Keep on and you will end up losing me, Colton… if you haven’t lost me already. If you try to make this about me again, I will get out at the next stop, walk to the nearest bus station, and take a Greyhound the rest of the way to my mother’s. So I suggest you stop talking, unless the subject is the weather or some inane sports trivia you seem to be so fond of. Are we understood?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. His face said he understood perfectly. Gone was the dejected, rejected hubby’s countenance. Now, Juliet looked upon a scolded child, one that knew what he’d done and figured he’d better accept his punishment before Mommy went and fetched the belt.

Their old friend Silence returned, and they crossed into Georgia smothered by his presence.

Juliet first noticed the ’50s model Mercury coupe with the JXSAVES license plate fifty miles south of Columbus on I-75. Colton was coasting at a steady eighty-five miles per hour, weaving in and out of slower traffic, and cursing now and then at the latest errant douchebag he considered unfit for America’s highways and byways. They were making damn good time, and Juliet wasn’t sure if it was Colton’s normal impatience or his desire to be rid of her because of their last conversation.

The Mercury, black as pitch but streaked with reflections from their Subaru’s headlights, maintained the same speed as Colton, two car lengths ahead of them.

Colton slapped the steering wheel. “Speed up or slow down, man, make up your mind.”

“If he’s upsetting you that bad, why not just pass him in the slow lane?” Juliet asked, studying her recent manicure and pretending as if she was not interested in this dick-measuring contest by automobile.

“It’s the principle of the matter. He needs to get the hell out of my way.”

“We need to see about getting you some anger management classes when I get back.”

In the ensuing quiet, such an awkward thing it was, Juliet looked over at her husband. He would glance her way then back to the road, a glimmer of boyish hope in his eye and a smile crinkling the corners of his rectangle of a mouth. She hadn’t a clue why such an affect should be gracing his face.

“What?” she asked.

“You said, when you get back .”

“Don’t read too much into it, Colt. I’m just carrying on friendly conversation.”

“But you didn’t say if . You said when. That counts for something. It means you can still see us together.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Just drive.”

Colton turned on his blinker and drifted over into the slow lane. The Mercury did the same. Juliet sat up straighter in her seat and peered through the windshield at the teardrop-shaped coupe. The Subaru’s headlights bounced off tinted windows, making Juliet squint. Though the Mercury’s brake lights never came on, they were gaining on the dark car. She could now see the bumper sticker that had been placed an inch to the right of the vanity plate.

I DO NOT

The entire thing, plate and all, read: JXSAVES… I DO NOT

A chill molested her guts. Colton cursed under his breath and swerved into the fast lane once more. He gunned the V6 under the hood. They shot forward, leaving the Merc in their rearview.

“Did you catch his plate?” Juliet asked.

“Yep. I saw that sticker, too. Typical Bible Belt bullshit is all. He’ll be in our dust in no time.”

And Colton was right. Juliet watched as the Merc’s headlights dwindled, going from blazing orbs to subtle balls of medium-tone light, then down to pinpricks—like cat’s eyes seen in the darkness under a porch. The ice in her stomach subsided and her mind drifted away from JXSAVES… I DO NOT

Five minutes elapsed before Juliet glanced over at the speedometer. The Subaru was pushing a hundred.

She said, “You might want to calm it down before we get pulled over.”

“I’m keeping up with the flow of traffic.”

She surveyed the dark, empty highway rushing by outside her window.

“Colt, you are the flow of traffic.”

“Stop worrying so much. Everyone goes this fast out here. This isn’t my first radio.”

“ Rodeo .”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Just slow down. Please.”

Colton loosed an exaggerated sigh and the car rocked forward as he decelerated.

“Better?”

She read the speed on the dash: seventy-five. “Fine.”

“You remember,” Colton said, “how I used to drive out here every weekend to pick you up. Phenix City to Warner Robins, every Friday like clockwork, and I never once complained.”

“How chivalrous of you.”

“I’d just graduated, and I was going to be some big shot architect. You were still living with your mother, and working part-time at Target.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“For six months, I never once let you down. I even came that time I had strep. You were mad because you insisted I was going to get you sick. You wouldn’t kiss me. I’d come all that way, and you wouldn’t even hug me.”

“Do you blame me?” She decided to settle into the memories. It was a welcome reprieve from the dark times behind them.

“Naw,” he chuckled, “I don’t blame you one bit. I remember what you wore that night, too. A yellow turtleneck and a pair of acid wash jeans. I didn’t think they even made acid wash anything anymore. But there you were, a closet full of eighties relics. I’m surprised you didn’t have your bangs swooshed up, and held in place with a gallon of Aqua Net.”

“I was going to, but you were sick. You wouldn’t have been able to handle my full-on epicosity.”

“Epicosity? Is that a word?”

“It is now. Phone Merriam-Webster and tell ’em I have a last minute addition.”

“We went to see a movie that night. You remember what it was?”

“Do you?”

“Yep. Dawn of the Dead , the first remake in, like, forever, that didn’t suck monkey balls.”

Juliet allowed a smile to grace her lips. “You didn’t want to go because you loved the original so much. Kept on saying they were only going to ruin Romero’s classic. I told you no one could ever ruin the original because it would always be what it was. It’s frozen in time, golden… untouchable.”

Colton laughed. “I really didn’t want to see that movie.”

“But you went anyway. Sick and all. Even when I wouldn’t kiss you, you went.”

“I did it because I loved you.” His tone grew somber. “And I still love you, Julie. I would go to the end of the earth for you.”

His words brought back the anger. It had never really left, not really. It had only hid in the shadows cast by fond recollections.

“Just don’t sleep with anyone on the way there.”

“Julie, please, I’m trying here.”

“Then maybe you should stop trying.” And, just like that, they were back on track. “I know you’re hearkening back to the early days of The Colt and Julie Show , but I don’t need that right now. I need space. I need you to not be around me for a while. Because the more I think about the good times, the more I think about that skank scampering across the carpet, trying to find her damn clothes.”

“Can I do anything? I’m feeling kinda helpless here.”

“No, Colt, you did enough.”

Her mother’s house, only thirty miles away now, had never seemed so close yet so far away.

Juliet prayed for the first time since she was a fragile girl of ten in Sunday school.