Russell Hoban - Riddley Walker

“I ben out with a forage crowd that morning we wer coming back with pig when we seen the smoak going up we sust right off what it wer. We fasleggit back and right in to the jump they ben waiting. They wer too many we dint have no chance I seen my dad go down with a arrer in his hart and others dropping all roun I droppt as wel and slyd off in the hy grass. When they finisht killing the men I heard them taking the women. Hiding in the woodlings hearing that and smelling the smoak I can stil smel that smoak it wer peopl smoak as wel as wood. When it got qwyet I crep out. Cudnt hear nothing only the fine crackling and the crows calling 1 to a nother. Wite smoak and arnge flames upping in that grey morning and the dogs coming for the dead.”

“I clum a tree and sitting up there smelling that smoak. Down be low me dogs wer grooling and smarling and the dead bodys jerking and flopping amongst them. I wer looking at the trees all roun. The way the tops of them wer swaying in the morning wind. You look outside right now beyont the clearing youwl see the tree tops swaying jus that very same way. They dont take no read of us we dont matter nothing to them. Time on far on wewl be dead and theywl be swaying in the morning wind the same. Any how there I wer and dogs all roun that tree that woal day and on in to the dark. Eat ther fil and come back agen they cudnt hardly walk ther bellys wer that swoal up. Parbly if Id come down out of that tree they cudntve run me down even if they bothert to try only I wernt going to chance it. I slep in that tree that nite I tyd my self in it. Stil summer it wer and warm.”

“Nex morning I woak up it wer stil smoaking and the dew on the bernt brung the smel up strong. Some of the dogs wer a sleap and others crunching boans. Emty skuls and bits of boan all roun I wunnert which of them myt be my dad. Looking at the smoak stil driffing thru the trees and I seen a littl old wite hairt bloak coming a long he lookit permuch like this here figger only no hump. Hook nose and a hook chin and a wicket littl eye. He seen me and coming tords me he wernt bothert about the dogs. Some of them looking up and they ruft a littl. He just said Trubba not like you myt to any 1 and peed agenst a tree. The leader of the pack gone over to the tree he sniffit the old bloaks syn then he peed and the old bloak sniffit his syn and that wer that. No Trubba.”

“He took me with him then I wer his boy til I come in to the Mincery 2 years after that. He showit me this figger which is Mr Punch. He dint have no fit up nor nothing the Mincery never has allowit no show of figgers only Eusa nor they wunt allow no 1 only Eusa show men to carry a fit up.”

I said, “What kynd of a show wer it?”

He said, “Iwl show you that show which he past it on to me the show and the figgers boath. Now Iwl pass it on to you the same thats how its meant to be you see. It aint like a Eusa show its meant to stay the same all the time.”

I dint have nothing to say about it all I cud do wer sit there and be a crowd of 1 to watch what ever he wer going to show. He fittit up all parper the same as if I ben 40 peopl. When he had his self all ready he said, “Now you ask Mr Punch if hes ready.” Goodparley wer out of site in the fit up and I wer sat there staring at it.

I said, “Wel Mr Punch this woal crowd is waiting for you.” Thinking on Lissener and Belnot Phist which I begun to feal not too easy. “Be you coming up to show?” I said.

There come a littl salty voyce out of the fit up it wernt a voyce Id ever heard befor yet it wer a voyce I knowit some how it wernt no stranger to me. Salty and sharp like if a game cock wud talk. It said, “ Showing right now. Wot a beauty. ”

A littl hy womans voyce said, “Cor! Whatre you going to do with that girt big thing Mr Punch?”

Mr Punchs voyce said, “ Come a littl closer and Iwl show you. ” I said, “Mr Punch whynt you show your girt big thing up here so every 1 can see it?”

Punchs voyce said, “ Do my bes showing down be low. Rrrrrrrr! ” He made a noys like a cock fessin taking off.

I said, “Cant you get your down be low up here?” Punchs voyce said, “ I can all ways get it up you bes stan wel back here I come. ” Up he shot then and zanting a bout with a longish flat stick it wer paintit red and wite and it wer split flatways so it wer a dubbl flat stick. You cud hear the whack of it and feal the smack of it jus looking at it. My Mr Punch what I dug out of the muck he wer all black with rot but this 1 wer all brite and sharp colourt. Face all pinky rosey and brite blue eyes he wer swanking in red and green and yeller cloes and a poynty red hat with a yeller wagger on it. Zanting a bout and saying, “ Ah putta putta putta ah putta putta way. ” Looking roun all sharp and brite and waving his stick.

I said, “Is that your girt big thing?”

Punch said, “ Yes this is my 1 Big 1 its good for every il. If youre sick itwl make you wel. ”

I said, “What if youre wel?”

Punch said, “ No bodys wel or I wunt have this stick wud I. Its a neadful stick you see so every 1 mus nead it. ”

I said, “Its not what I thot itwd be.”

Punch said, “ Thats what they all say til they get use to it. All it takes is a littl getting use to. Ask Pooty. ”

I said, “Whos Pooty?”

Punch callt, “ Oy! Pooty! ”

The littl hy womans voyce said, “Whats happening?”

Punch said, “ Dont talk stupid its happent all ready. ”

Pootys voyce said, “If its happent all ready you dont nead me do you.”

Punch said, “ Gennl man wants to see you. ”

Pootys voyce said, “If hes a gennl man he dont want to see me and if he wants to see me he aint no gennl man.”

Punch said, “ Hes a frend. ”

Pootys voyce said, “Frends all ways want it for nothing I ratherwd have a clynt.”

Punch said, “ Whats a clynt? ”

Pootys voyce said, “Clynts are binses and binses comes befor pleasur.”

Punch said, “ Whats your pleasur then? ”

Pootys voyce said, “Binses.”

Punch said, “ And whats your binses? ”

Pootys voyce said, “What ever theywl pay for.”

Punch said, “ Whatwl they pay for? ”

Pootys voyce said, “What ever they can think of.”

Punch said, “ What can they think of? ”

Pootys voyce said, “Its mosly the same thing.”

Punch said, “ What thing is that? ”

Pooty comes up then she says, “Swossage!” Shes a sow she dont have no cloes jus pink and nekkit only a littl frilly cap tyd unner her chin. Shes carrying some thing looks like a iron sossage only its got a dubbl fish tail. Like if youwd fevver a arrer up and down and crossways boath. The other end has like a nippl sticking out of it. “Swossage!” says Pooty.

Punch has a good look at it he says, “ Theres a parper banger for you les have a fry up. ”

Pooty says, “Iwl fetch the babby and the frying pan.”

Punch says, “ Never mynd the babby there aint a nuff swossage to go roun. ”

Pooty says, “You know how he likes a bit of swossage.”

Punch says, “ Hes too yung for swossage give him the tit. ”

Pooty says, “Boan dry.”

Punch says, “ Give him the boan then. ”

Pooty says, “Et it our selfs dint we. Cruncht the boan and suckt the marrer.”

Punch says, “ Then tel the babby no suck ter day. Suck ter marrer. ”

Pooty says, “You mynd the swossage wylst I fetch him.”

Punch says, “ Yes I wil Iwl mynd that swossage. ”

Pooty looks at me then she says, “Now I want you to keap a eye on Mr Punch I want you to give me a shout if he has a go at that swossage.” She puts the sossage on the play board.