Neal Barrett - Through Darkest America

His mind raced. Maybe there was something. Maybe he could make up something! Tell them he did see Pardo hide the guns. That Lewis was right—they were back there at the rise where they’d camped. He had watched Pardo and Kin and Jigger put them there when the troopers attacked. He’d seen the whole thing, but he was too scared to tell them before because he’d figured they’d think he had something to do with it, and that wasn’t so.

Would they believe that? They’d have to! Lordee, there wasn’t anything else he could do!

They wouldn’t stop. Not right away. He might as well get used to that. They’d keep it up for a while, just to make sure. But they wouldn’t do it too long. It wouldn’t be as much. He’d keep telling it over and over and they’d—

His heart stopped. The door opened behind him. Footsteps on the damp floor. More than one man. Two. Maybe more. The cold swept through him. He shook all over. Lewis, then. And the others. They’d start, now. What would they do first? The other foot? The same one? Oh God, not between his legs please don’t let them do that!

One of the men walked around in front of him. Howie had never seen him before.

A soldier. Heavy brows, short hair, and a wide mouth. He stood perfectly still, studying Howie carefully. He squatted down and inspected the bottom of his foot. Howie winced, but the man didn’t hurt him. He got up, left, then came back with a torch. Howie blinked in the sudden brightness. The soldier stood there another moment, holding the torch high. His face was like stone. Then he put the torch in a holder and went away. Howie heard him say something but couldn’t hear what it was.

“ What! ” The voice behind him roared. Howie jumped against his bonds.

“Major Lewis… you responsible for this?”

“Sir…”

“Just answer , godamn you!” It was a harsh, rasping voice, like a man with something caught in his throat.

“Sir…” Lewis hesitated. “I explained that. We questioned the boy about the guns…”

“You did more than that, Major.”

“Sir, we had to establish—”

“You had orders!” the man snapped. “The boy was not to be touched! ”

“Yes, sir. I’d like to point out…”

“Don’t you point out nothing to me, Major. What you do is get yourself out of this room. Fast. You hear?”

The door opened, then closed again. Howie let out a long sigh of relief. He could have hollered out loud. He didn’t know who the man was and didn’t much care. He’d given Lewis pure hell for what he’d done, that was enough! They’d let him go, now. At least, there wouldn’t be any more business with the pincers. Maybe he could…

The soldier moved around in front of him again. This time the other man was with him. The soldier was helping him, like he couldn’t walk well by himself. When they got in front of Howie, the soldier set a little stool down right between Howie’s legs and helped the man down on it. The man looked up at him and smiled.

“Hello, Howie Ryder. It’s been a long time, boy.”

Howie stared. A little cry caught in his throat and died there. He knew it was really all over, now. He’d come all the way around again and there was no place else to go. He wasn’t even scared anymore. He knew exactly who the soldiers had gone out to meet in their fancy uniforms and why he was there and what was going to happen.

Jacob just sat there and smiled, with the terrible, ragged thing that wasn’t a mouth anymore. His face was crossed with ugly white scars, and there were empty black holes where his eyes ought to be.

“You know me, then,” said Jacob, “that’s good. I’ve been a long time looking, Howie. And I’ve thought about you. Reckon you’ve thought some about me, too.”

Jacob waited. His smile faded and his face went dark. “I want to hear you!”

“I…” Howie found his voice. “I don’t guess there’s nothin’ to say.”

Jacob looked pleased. “Dory here says you growed some. I guess you have. Don’t sound like a boy anymore.” He shook his head thoughtfully. “A lad sure fills out fast ’bout your age. Just springs up like a young tree…”

Jacob stopped. Pain seemed to crawl quietly over his face, making the white scars move like live things. After a moment, the features relaxed again. “Dory remembers how you was, though,” he said finally. “Got a good look at you when we was up to your Pa’s. Not many seen you then… besides me. They was mostly loadin’ up wagons down at the trees. You remember all that, boy?”

Howie swallowed. “I remember it.”

“Lordee,” said Jacob, “there’s a awful lot I remember about that day, and the ones that come before. I can just sit back sometimes and let things come into my head, and see what color the sky gets at morning, and how a fine column of troopers looks riding up a draw on good horses.”

He savored his thoughts a moment, then leaned toward Howie. “You really growed up, have you? Gettin’ to be a man.” Jacob’s hands searched out blindly and found Howie’s legs. Howie shrank back from the touch. Jacob grinned at that. He let his hands slide up Howie’s legs and over his thighs and come to rest between them. He squeezed lightly, and Howie’s heart stopped. Now, he thought, oh God it’s going to be now…!

Then Jacob let him go and leaned back on his stool. “You sure ruined me there,” he said soberly. “You tore me up somethin’ awful, Howie. I think about havin’ a woman, and how it is, and then I think about you…”

“ Godamn you! ” Howie blurted. He couldn’t stop himself, no matter what. “Just what’d you figure I’d do… walk up and… and shake your hand or something? After what you done to my mother and Papa!”

Dory started swiftly forward, one hand whipping down in an open fist. Jacob felt him move and waved him back.

“Howie…” The empty eyes reached out for him and he was sure they could see him, right out of nothing. “I reckon you’re kinda scared, ain’t you, boy?”

Howie almost laughed. “Yeah,” he admitted, “I kinda am.”

“What you think I’m goin’ to do to you?”

“Just about anything.”

Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “Well, I can see how you might figure. What would you think if I was to tell you I ain’t goin’ to do nothing at all? What’d you say to that?”

Howie did laugh this time. “I ain’t that dumb,” he said. “I don’t figure you come all this way for talkin’.”

“Well,” said Jacob, “like I say, I can sure see how you might figure. I’ll tell you something, though, and you can believe me or not. Talking’s ’bout all I did come for and that’s the truth. You done some bad things to me, Howie. But there’s no taking them back, and I don’t blame you for ’em. I’d have done the same thing if it was me.”

“I… don’t reckon I’m goin’ to believe that,” Howie said warily.

“Don’t blame you for that, either,” said Jacob. “All I really figure on doing, though, Howie, is telling you what we done to your mother. I think that’s something you ought to hear. I want you to know how we stripped her down naked and wired her to that bed. And how every one of them troopers of mine had her. And while we’re talking, Dory,” he said quietly, “I’d be pleased if you’d get that knife of yours and take out one of this boy’s eyes. I don’t reckon I got to tell you not to go too fast…”

A lazy sun dappled the forest floor with shifting coins of gold. He stretched and stared up at the dazzling brilliance, then lay back and closed his eyes. He could hear the drone of bees circling the big oak, and smell the cool crushed odor of fern…