Em Garner - Contaminated

“Stop it, Jerry! Just stop it! Stop taunting her!” I kick and punch at him, but he holds me off the way I used to hold off Opal with a hand to her forehead, her arms too short to reach me as she swung.

The spasm passes. My mom moves again. Jerry’s laughing, like this is the finest sort of joke.

“C’mon,” he breathes. “Come on. Let’s see what happens when you try to kill me, you piece of crap.” The collar beeps.

This time, the spasm drops her to her knees, then onto her side. She’s jittering and jerking, and I yank myself from Jerry’s grip. I turn her on her back, helpless, not sure what to do. Foam is curdling in the corners of her mouth, and her eyes have rolled toward the back of her head.

“What the hell is that? What’s she doing?” Jerry asks.

My mouth is dry, but the words come out. Just two, but they choke me. I can’t look away from her.

“Mercy Mode.”

“OPAL, GET ME A CLEAN DISHRAG. HURRY UP!”

Opal does, ducking out of reach of Jerry’s halfhearted grab. He’s not shouting anymore. He still seems fascinated, though, bending over us. Opal brings me the cloth and I tuck it between my mom’s teeth.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

The video and training materials described what would trigger Mercy Mode. It didn’t say anything about how to stop it or how to treat it. All I can do is stroke her hair back from her forehead and try to keep her from biting off her tongue. I roll her on her side, thinking that will help.

A bad smell fills the air, and Jerry recoils. “Did she just crap herself?”

“Velvet, what’s wrong with Mama? What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong?” Opal says this over and over, her face white and eyes wide.

“She’s… it’s okay, Opal. Really, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” Under my fingers, which are resting on her hip, the muscle spasms seem to be easing. She’s stopped making that noise, too. The silence is very loud.

“Wow.” Jerry doesn’t sound fascinated or gleeful now. He sounds wary, and when I look at him, he looks confused. “The collar does that?”

“It’s called Mercy Mode.” I shoot a glance at Opal, but the kid doesn’t deserve lies, even one that would make things sweeter. “They build it into the collar. If the person wearing it becomes too agitated, too… aggressive, it…”

“Kills them?”

“Get out, Jerry,” I say in a quiet, terrible voice. “Or so help me, I will kill you .”

He laughs, scoffing, but the look on my face sets him back. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.

“Yeah,” Opal says, that tough, adorable little kid. She holds up a fist. “Me, too!”

Jerry backs up. At the door he broke to get in here, he stops. “You should just let her die.”

Then he steps through and is gone.

On the floor, my mom is finally still. She blinks and sits. She does stink, and the drool and foam have smeared all over her face. Her eyes focus, though. On me and on Opal. She reaches, takes each of our hands. She squeezes them just once before her fingers lose their grip.

“Is she okay?” Opal’s stopped crying, but her face is swollen and her nose runny. “Is she going to be okay, Velvet?”

“I think so.”

How much brain damage can any one person can take? When does she become a vegetable? When do I start believing what Jerry said is the truth?

“Mom. Sit up.” I help her.

Beneath my fingers, all her muscles are trembling and twitching even though she looks perfectly still. Her breathing is a little harsh, too. She swallows convulsively and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Actually, seeing this gives me hope. She’s aware, at least a little bit.

Opal wrinkles her nose. “She smells bad.”

“She probably had an accident.”

Opal’s eyes go wide. She looks more scared of this than what happened before. “You mean… like, in her pants?”

“Yeah.” I want to make this somehow better for Opal, like I should try to pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe I should lie to her about it or something. But I don’t. “That’s what happens to you sometimes when your brain gets shocked like that.”

“Could it happen to her a lot?” Opal sounds tearful. She’s petting Mom’s hair.

“It could. It’s because she’s sick, Opal. She can’t really help it. And it’s because of the collar.”

Opal’s face twists. “Can’t we take it off?”

Her fingers toy with it, and I push them away, but gently. Mom looks back and forth between us. “It doesn’t come off.”

“Not ever?” Opal puts her hands on her hips, her face going from sad and scared to angry. Tantrum ready.

I wish I were a little kid and could get away with tantrums. “Nope. It’s the law. Besides, it’s supposed to keep everyone safe. Us and her, too.”

Opal pets Mom’s hair again. Mom leans toward the touch just the barest amount. Opal’s small fingers tug on a tangle hard enough to tilt Mom’s head, but she makes no noise of protest.

“We need to clean her up.” I’m not looking forward to this. “She needs a shower, her hair washed, clean clothes put on. That sort of thing.”

Opal’s looking anxious again. “She can’t take a shower by herself, huh?”

“No. But I’ll help her. It’ll be okay.” I hope.

“I want to help, too.” Opal says this firmly, like there’s no choice of me disagreeing.

I don’t want to disagree. I don’t want to be the only one taking care of our mom. And I don’t want to not give Opal credit, either, for what she’s capable of doing. She’s a kid, but she’s not stupid.

“Okay. You go get the shower started. C’mon, Mom. Stand up.” I stand, and with Opal’s help, we both get Mom to her feet.

She’s a little wobbly. She clings to both of us, pulling us toward her. For one moment it feels like it used to when she called for a group hug, squeezing us both while we usually squirmed and protested. The moment passes fast; I know she’s not hugging us, no matter how it feels. She can’t hug us anymore.

This, more than anything that’s happened so far, settles a stone in the pit of my gut and makes me want to just give up. Everything. All of this.

Then I hear Opal whispering, “C’mon, Mama, it’s all going to be all right,” and how can I give up?

I can’t abandon Opal, and I can’t abandon my mom. No matter how hard all of this is, I have to believe it’s going to be better, in the end. I just have to.

Opal starts the shower running while I start to help my mom out of her clothes. I’m afraid she’ll protest again, the way she did last night when I tried to lift her nightgown. I’m afraid of what will happen if Mercy Mode is activated so soon after the last time. Mom doesn’t struggle, though. She’s even helpful, lifting her arms when I pull her shirt off over her head.

It’s easier to see her naked this time. It’s not easy to undo the diaper, though what’s inside isn’t worse than anything I’ve had to deal with at Cedar Crest Manor. It’s sure not worse than anything she ever had to handle with me or Opal. I can tell Opal’s trying not to be upset. She’s doing a pretty good job, too. I make sure to keep my voice light and cheery, the way I talk to the old people when I’m taking care of them.

“All righty, into the shower! Opal,” I say quietly, “hold her other hand so she doesn’t slip.”

My mom shudders when she gets into the shower, but after a minute she tilts her face into the warm spray with a low sound of relief. Working together, Opal and I wash her clean. We don’t talk much while we do it. I think maybe Opal will get the giggles about Mom being naked, but she’s more mature than I give her credit for. She just shares the washcloth and soap with me so we make sure to get her clean all over.