Paul Hardy - The Last Man on Earth Club

“I’m here. Go on,” I said.

Veofol continued: “They’ve had a bust-up and Olivia wants out. I was trying to get them to make up but it went wrong and there was some shoving and Olivia’s put her back out…”

“Okay, slow down and give me the details. From the beginning.”

Bell realised he was no longer the focus of my attention. “You’re on the phone to work, aren’t you?”

He sighed and shook his head.

Liss had been outside in the woods near the centre, avoiding company. Veofol appealed to her to talk to the others, pointing out that she really did need to make an effort. She chose to make this effort with Olivia, as Pew and Kwame were barely talking to anyone, Elsbet was in the infirmary, and she certainly wasn’t going to talk to Iokan again.

Olivia had retrieved her hat, but hadn’t gone back to sleep. Whatever she was brooding about, she kept it to herself, but was alert enough to hear Liss’s approach.

“Bugger off,” she said as Liss reached the garden.

“What did I do?” asked Liss.

“You came out and bothered me.”

“It’s not your garden.”

“I did all the work. So bugger off before you trample something.”

Liss took a breath to restrain herself. “I came by to see if you wanted any help.”

Olivia looked at her as if she’d offered to ritually behead herself. “What?”

“Do. You. Want. Any. Help.”

Olivia considered the offer.

“It’s too dark. Sun’s going down.”

“I can see well enough.”

“What, you got super eyes as well?”

Liss’s teeth were practically grinding. “Yes.”

Olivia gave her a look and considered her offer. “Well if you want to have a go, the whole place needs weeding.”

“Weeding.”

“Yeh. Is that beneath you or something?”

“No. It’s fine. Got any gloves?”

“Haven’t you got super hands as well?”

“I heard what happened to Pew. They’re not that super.”

“There’s some on the cart.” Liss went to the toolcart floating at the edge of a patch of cabbages and took gardening gloves from a drawer. Olivia watched with disapproval, waiting for Liss to do something wrong. Liss sighed, shook her head, and set to work ripping up weeds around tomato plants. She eliminated them with a mechanical obstinacy to all of Olivia’s expectations and pretty soon, the tomato bed was free of sandgrass.

“Good enough for you?” asked Liss.

Olivia sniffed. “It’ll do. Now get on and do the rest.” She wedged her hat on her face. Liss looked at her with naked irritation, then went back to work. Olivia paid no more attention for several minutes, until she lifted her hat to observe the hard work in progress. She lowered the hat, satisfied. Then raised it again when she realized exactly which plants were coming up out of the soil.

Olivia was out of her chair and across the garden in record time, but not fast enough to stop Liss ripping up a line of green shoots tipped with tiny buds that, with gentle care and attention, would have flowered and brought forth the pungent mustard seeds Olivia craved.

“You—! You—!” Olivia couldn’t express how livid she was. Apoplectic red-faced fury was all she could manage.

“Finished the weeding!” said Liss with a smile.

“Those weren’t weeds!”

“Oh? Looked like weeds.”

“You little tart, you knew what you were doing!”

“Anything else you want weeding?

Olivia grabbed for the gardening gloves. “Give me those!”

“Hey!”

Olivia got hold of one hand and dragged the glove half off. Liss pushed back, and knocked Olivia two metres through the air into the tomato bed. Liss’s hands flew to her face as Olivia cried out in pain.

“Oh, shit, sorry—”

“You bitch! ”

Olivia tried to get up, but cried out again.

“What is it?” asked Liss.

Olivia gritted an answer through the pain. “You’ve put my back out, you cow!”

“Um. I’ll, er, get some help…”

Liss slipped away.

“…the nurse put Olivia’s back in order but she’s not happy. Like I said, she wants out.”

“Surely this is something we can get her to sleep on?”

“She wants out now . She’s outside my office. She won’t leave.”

A crumpled sigh escaped me. “Put her on, then.”

I heard the fumbling sounds of the line switching to a physical handset for Olivia’s benefit.

“Bad day at work?” asked Bell, enjoying it far too much.

“Just shut up,” I said.

Olivia came on the line. “I want to leave. What are you going to do about it?”

“Olivia, don’t you think it would be a good idea to sleep on it first?”

“No I bloody don’t! I want to go now. Right now!”

“I’m sure Liss didn’t mean it. We can talk in the morning and then I’ll be happy to arrange a move if you—”

“I’ll say it again because you’re not listening: I want to go and I want to go now!”

“Olivia—”

“Now. Right now!”

“I don’t think—”

“Right now means right now!”

“Yes, however—”

“I’ve been assaulted, nearly raped, thrown at a ceiling and chucked across a garden! Your bloody therapy centre isn’t bloody safe!”

I looked up at the ceiling in exasperation. But she did have a valid point.

“All right, Olivia. If you don’t feel safe I can give you a few days back in the Psychiatric Centre while we conduct a safety review.”

“And then you’ll drag me back, no doubt…”

“If your complaint is on health and safety grounds then that’s something we can address. That’s all I can do for you at the moment.”

She made an grumping sound. “Fine. Just get me out of here.”

“Hand me back to Veofol.”

The line fumbled again as Veofol picked up. “Asha?”

“Yeah. Listen. We’ve still got a bus there, haven’t we? Can you get Olivia back to the Psychiatric Centre?”

“Er… okay. But shouldn’t we have a cooling off period first?”

“That’s the idea — let her cool off somewhere else. And she’s got a point about health and safety. We’ll get her back in a week or so, I’m pretty certain of that. Can you make the travel arrangements?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll talk to the Psychiatric Centre and let them know.”

“That’ll make them happy…”

“Yeah. I’ll let you know when it’s arranged.”

I ended the call as Bell handed our menus back to a waiter. “I ordered for us,” he said.

“Go on, tell me,” I sighed, expecting something completely inedible.

“Mammoth roulade on a bed of pan tossed algae.” Which was a pleasant surprise. Much of the ‘cooking’ on Bell’s world involved burying things and letting them rot. At least he wasn’t being vindictive. But then he was the one heading off to a new life. He could afford it.

“I need to make one more call. Sorry.”

“I’ll get some wine.”

“Thanks.”

Olivia’s departure was a disorganised affair. She wanted to pack everything she owned so she could make it difficult to return, but Veofol gave her no time. She had to make do with only a small bag, and leave behind all her favourite garden tools. There was, after all, no point in allowing her to profit by running away.

Pew was distraught on hearing she was going, and a tearful scene followed in which he asked why she was leaving, and she refused to say. Pew was convinced it was all his fault despite Olivia’s grumpy silence. Few of the others cared that she was going. Liss retired to her room and put on a screenshow to numb her brain. Elsbet was stable in the infirmary, but unlikely to wake any time soon. Kwame stayed in his room. Iokan was the only one to go to the courtyard to wish Olivia farewell.