Kyle West: Evolution

“What did you need me for?” I asked.

Ashton nodded, urging Samuel to continue.

“Alex,” Samuel said, “in case anything happens to me down there, I need to know you have my back.”

“What do you mean? I got your back already.”

“I know that. Sometimes, everything goes to hell and there is nothing you can do about it. That shot with Brux…we were lucky it was just my shoulder. Just a few inches and it would been my chest.”

“What are you saying?”

“I could die out there. Any of us could. If it’s me, I need to know…are you good to lead the crew?”

Me, lead the crew? I had expected it to be someone like Makara, or even Anna, to be a better first choice. They were both better fighters than me. I can tell Samuel saw this question in my eyes, unasked.

“We’re all here because of the xenovirus,” Samuel said. “Out of the crew, I think it’s me and you who understand the heart of this mission the most. It’s more than just survival. It’s saving the world, nothing less. We’ve both seen firsthand what the xenovirus can do. Not that Anna and Makara haven’t. They’re both great fighters. But I want you to run things if I die down there.”

“You’re not going to die.”

“I hope I don’t. But it’s a possibility we must be prepared for.”

“Why me?”

“You have a level head. You are in it for the mission. You want to avenge your father, and to do that, you must stop the xenovirus. That’s all true, isn’t it?”

It was true. But the mission had grown into more than that. I was fighting for my friends. And yes, I was fighting for the memory of my father and Khloe, who both died because of the xenovirus.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of responsibility,” I said.

“The xenovirus didn’t ask if we were ready,” Ashton said.

“I hope you never have to do it, Alex,” Samuel said. “But you don’t have the luxury to be yourself anymore. You have to always be tough, putting yourself on the line day after day, keeping everyone focused on the goal. I want nothing more than to find a place to rest and call home. I can’t have that, anymore. I’m fighting for that future, and for the future of everyone else. We all are.”

He paused, letting me soak that in.

“I need you to step up if anything happens to me. It can’t be Makara. It can’t be Anna. It has to be you.”

“I can’t imagine someone like Makara ever following me.”

Samuel nodded. “She’s stubborn, but you’ve changed. She’d be a fool not to follow you. I don’t think you see it yet, but you have yet to reach your full potential. You don’t realize what I see in you. When we go down there, something in you is going to flip. You’re going to feel it. It might happen instantly, like a switch, or it may be more gradual. I don’t know. You’ll become who you were always meant to be, and everything will be different.”

I sighed. There was no getting out of this.

“I don’t pretend to know exactly what you’re talking about,” I said. “But I’ll do it.”

Samuel nodded, and turned to Ashton.

“You won’t be alone, Alex,” Ashton said. “I’ll be up here, letting you know the latest information. If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Right now, it’s just Samuel and I, trying to figure out everything and make sure we make the right moves. We let you guys know as soon as we discover anything. We just want to be ready for any possibility.”

“I’m not easily killed,” Samuel said.

“I guess all that’s settled, then,” I said.

“Get some rest,” Ashton said. “We’ll see you all off in the morning.”

Samuel and I walked out of Ashton’s office. Makara and Anna waited against the wall. I could see both of their eyes, questioning. They could sense something was different, even if they didn’t know exactly what it was. Anna gave me one last glance before going into the office. The door hissed shut behind her.

Samuel and I walked quietly back to our habs. His hab was close to Alpha Tunnel. He turned off, and pressed his hand to the entrance button.

“You alright?” I asked.

He forced a smile. “As good as I can be. I know it isn’t easy, but nothing is.”

He looked tired. Even after two months, he hadn’t really been resting. He and Ashton had been planning everything while the rest of us got to relax. I think it was then that I realized just how much responsibility being a leader was.

“We have a big day tomorrow,” Samuel said. “Everything changes.”

Samuel shut the door behind him, and I headed back to my own hab — about as far from Alpha Tunnel and the hangar you could possibly get in Skyhome. I looked a couple doors down, to where Anna stayed. I considered waiting for her to come back. For some reason, I decided against it. I went inside, and shut the door behind me.

“Do you believe in God, Alex?”

Khloe and I were lying on our backs on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her parents were out. When she had invited me to her bedroom, I had not expected a discussion of the metaphysical. The question hung in the air a moment before I answered.

“No.”

“Why?”

I sighed, thinking. “If there is a God, he wouldn’t have let Ragnarok happen.”

Khloe did not respond for a moment. “You think so?”

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

Again, she was quiet, as if deep in thought.

“I keep thinking of what Father Nielsen used to say, before he died. How God let it happen because we let ourselves go too far, you know? We forgot about Him because we loved things more. And…Ragnarok was his way to take away all the things that made us far from Him. Now, we need Him more.”

“Couldn’t he have taken the things, and left the people alone? Was having all the machines, all the computers, all the money, really so bad?”

“Of course it was,” Khloe said. “That’s why Ragnarok happened. We’re in the last days.”

“Well, I can agree with you on that point, at least.”

We laid there for a while longer. It was a bit awkward, as it always got when Khloe and I discussed religion. I had stopped going to chapel years ago. My dad never went, and when my mom died when I was seven, that’s when I stopped going, too. I stayed out of there as much as I could. Father Nielsen was a nice man, but for some reason, his words didn’t sit right with me. I was tired of hearing about how bad we all were, so bad that God had to wipe us all out with a meteor. I don’t know why Ragnarok came. No one did. When people don’t have a reason for anything, they make one up. That’s what I think happened with Ragnarok. People can’t stand random chance. There has to be a reason for pain, even if there isn’t one.

That’s what my dad says, anyway, and I’m inclined to agree. Then again, dad hasn’t really been the same since mom died. That was a while ago, but he smiled more, back then. He hadn’t been so harsh about life.

“You need to have faith in something,” Khloe said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Otherwise, what’s the point of anything?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like I have plenty to live for.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Live for life?”

Khloe rolls over the face me, her face framed by dark brown hair. Her green eyes are young, bright, and beautiful. Full of hope, still. Even at sixteen, I already felt I had lost a little bit of that.

“Well, I hope He’s there, and I hope He’s listening. I hope there’s someone listening. I hate to think we’re left to ourselves, because we need someone to protect us.”

I wanted to tell her that I was listening, and that my listening was enough, but somehow, the words never made it out.