John O'Brien - Return

“Nope.”

It’s then that I notice that she isn’t entirely clothed either. The sounds of the night runners outside vanish from my mind as we make love on the tiny bunk. Trying to be quiet but the passion of being apart for almost a year makes that difficult. And, as promised, it doesn’t take that long for either of us. Afterwards, we lay quietly in each other’s arms enjoying being close. I fall into a deep, contented slumber with Lynn in my arms.

The night runners continue to try and gain entrance throughout the night but the noises outside taper off toward morning. On waking, I notice that Lynn slipped away from the bunk sometime during the night. I guess to give some aspect of decency or professionalism although I am pretty sure everyone knows we are together. If they don’t by now, then they must be blind. I wish she had not slipped away because, well, I just wish she hadn’t.

The faint light of the sun about to rise shows through the cockpit windows. I rise, stretch my tired and achy bones, and look out of the windows. The ramp is clear of any movement. Down in the cargo area, soldiers are just beginning to rise and move about. Most stretching as I had; sore from sleeping on the cold, steel cargo floor. I peel away the window covers letting light stream in so we don’t trip over everything. Everyone is about in the same shape as me and that shape is in dire need of a bath and clean clothing. A well-used locker room smell abounds. And I mean the high school locker room where clothing is only taken home on Fridays; taken home never to be the same again.

“Good morning everyone,” I say to the mass moving about. Mumbles, groans and a few ‘good morning, sir’ greet me.

Robert raises his head from one of the upper bunks and peers sleepily in my direction. I can tell he is thinking about rolling back over to continue sleeping before thinking better of it and swings his legs over the side. It is then that I see Michelle raise her head from behind him. I merely sigh not really sure what to think or say about that. Probably shouldn’t say anything , I think. He sees me looking at him with my perplexed look and smiles. I nod back in greeting not trusting myself to say anything. Anything I say would probably be wrong. That is something I have a knack for.

Lynn approaches and stands next to me. I turn, give her a hug and feel her stiffen as I do. “You’re just going to have to get used to it,” I say into her ear.

She smiles, relaxes, and hugs me back. “Not until you change your clothes flyboy.”

“What would you like me to change them into?” I ask with a poor attempt at humor.

Seeing Lynn smile up at me in that way, having everyone look in my direction looking for guidance and the “what’s next,” Robert standing with his arm around Michelle, and with Bri and Nic just emerging from their bunks with tired eyes, I am suddenly filled with the overwhelming fact of what has happened in the world; with the fact that we are in a world of hurt — so to speak. The weight of responsibility comes crashing down. What are we going to do? I think looking around at the eyes staring back at me. Are we just playing games here and heading for an inevitable conclusion that we are all going to vanish like the others? I look over at my kids thinking, How am I going to keep them safe in this environment? How can any one of us be safe? I have led teams into dangerous situations before, but this is different. Sure I cared about the guys I was with and didn’t want anything to happen to them. I tried to make the right decisions to give us the best chance, but, well, this is just different. I think subconsciously there was the comfort that the world would go on regardless of what happened to us. Just keep going on day by day and moment by moment . I shake my head and the overwhelming feeling vanishes as if thrown out of my head by the shake. But something else remains — determination.

Lynn, knowing me as she does, senses something going on inside me. “Is everything okay?” She asks.

“Yeah, it’s all good.”

“Uh huh,” she says in a low voice.

I know that ‘uh huh.’ It’s her ‘we’ll talk about it later’ uh huh. I feel once again how lucky I am. She has a way that keeps me grounded and real. It is this that makes me feel that things will be okay. A Led Zeppelin song starts playing in my head and the line ‘and the forest will echo with laughter’ keeps rolling through. It gives me the feeling that something else is out there, just beyond the point of vision that is observing. Not exactly helping per se, but just watching to see what will happen. Like looking through a one-way mirror. Is this a test? Is any of this real? I think and shake out of my reverie. Whew! What was that about? I must be tired but know it is also a continuation of my thoughts about quantum physics and reality.

I know I have to get some fresh air. Plus, there is, again, the distinct locker room aroma that would be nice to get out of. “Do you want to meet your team now?” Lynn asks, looking at me questioningly and draws me further out of my second day dreaming episode.

“Huh, oh yeah, please,” I answer pulling completely back into the reality of the moment. Much like being pulled quickly through a dark tunnel to where the light shines brightly.

“Henderson, Denton, Gonzalez, Rogers, McCafferty, Bartel!” She barks and starts moving away from me. Six heads turn in her direction and Lynn points to me. The four young men and two young women that were called gather their weapons and start in my direction.

With my team around me, I can’t help but notice just how young they look. Were we all that young? I think going back to the time long ago when my buddies and I were flying around the world with our hair on fire. I catch Robert’s eyes and wave him over. He starts over with Michelle in tow. Sigh . Introductions are made.

“Okay, we’ll make this quick and gather for a longer talk later. First, I want you to pair up. Find your battle buddy.” Eyes look around at each other and the two young women, McCafferty and Gonzalez, pair up first. Then Henderson and Denton followed by Rogers and Bartel.

“Now, you are not to go anywhere without each other. When I see one, I should see the other like a shadow. And I mean everywhere. I’m not saying you have to be in the same stall, but you’ll be by the door. If, for some reason, you do have to be apart, then the other will know exactly where you are and when you’ll return. Any questions?”

“No, sir!” They say in unison.

“I would have buddied up here with Robert but I see he has already found his battle buddy,” I say looking at Robert by my side and Michelle by his. He turns a deeper shade of red as the group chuckles. I’m going to like this group , I think as I look around Robert to see Michelle is the same interesting shade of red. I think it’s also nice to hear those chuckles. There’s a sense of normalcy that comes from that and shows that we haven’t loss our sense of humanity in spite of all that’s happened.

“You’ve both have inspired me,” I say looking at Robert and Michelle. “We’ll be Red Team.” This brings more chuckles and an even deeper red in the both of them. “Okay Red Team, we’re heading outside. Gonzalez and McCafferty, you two cover the rear ramp door as it opens. You others, set up a small perimeter outside once they’re open.”

“Hooah!” They say quietly but with emphasis.

“Okay, that’ll be enough of that. Roger?”

“Hooah, sir!”

“Oh dear God,” I say in a whispering sigh but loud enough to be heard and rolling my eyes. They all grin and begin moving to the back ramp door.

“Robert, stay with me a sec,” I say. Michelle backs up a step knowing I want a private word.