John O'Brien - Takedown

First, Greg comes to mind. While he’s not expecting us to meet him at any specific time, he is expecting us to rendezvous at some point. We can’t leave him stranded out there on the road. I quickly meet with Frank and arrange for him to have Robert and Craig fly out to pick up Greg should anything unfortunate happen to me.

Then there’s the thing with Robert. Although he says he’s fine, the experience I had, and those I’ve heard about and witnessed, leaves me concerned about him. Pestering him about it doesn’t help much and only serves to aggravate him. I feel torn between getting Lynn and staying to monitor my son, however much that would irritate him. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I’m not faced with situations like this.

Following the meeting, I must have looked at him with obvious worry, because he approached and said, “Look, if you’re worried about me and it’s interfering with your thoughts, don’t. It’s healing and I feel fine…truly.”

There is something else bothering me that I need to sort out. I feel like I’ve lost an edge with this whole leadership thing. Previously, I would have felt more confident about going into a place like the hospital. Well, maybe not a place with hundreds, if not thousands of night runners, but I would have centered better. I’ve noticed a change come in that I’m not sure I like. I feel like I’ve lost some my ability to center deeply in a tactical sense, trading some of that away to focus on more strategic matters — the focused calm becoming more chaotic. I am different, and I now understand why others who took on a greater leadership role changed — they had to. I actually felt better about my skills early on in this downfall of humankind. I need to gather that confidence back and do it quickly. Lynn’s life depends on it. With that thought, I feel a settling take place.

I head up to the rooftop to contemplate in silence. I think over my plan for infiltrating and searching the large facility for Lynn. Scenarios play out in my mind, and I cover my actions and reactions. The hard part will be actually finding where she is without running into a nest of night runners. That means eliminating any smells and taping down all of my equipment. She’ll most likely be in the dark, so I’ll have to bring a set of NVGs. I only need the one pair as I’ll be able to see just fine, and I don’t need to pretend otherwise anymore. She’ll more than likely be surrounded by night runners so I’ll have to eliminate them quickly and we’ll need to make our way quickly toward the nearest escape. I’ll bring several flash grenades. That will buy me some time if I encounter any night runners in the halls and for those around Lynn. A hundred different possibilities surface, and I mentally tick off equipment needed for each of them. I’ll need to be able to move fast, so I can’t be too encumbered.

Concentrating on the mission brings some of my old confidence back. The intense emotions I felt over the past couple of days tamp down into a cold, centered flame. I’m able to push other thoughts to the side and focus on the immediate action ahead. Confidence builds. I don’t know how many more times I can do this, but I have at least one more in me.

I glimpse the roof door opening out of the corner of my eye. Robert and Bri tentatively step out and I wave them over. I miss the late afternoons we once spent up here — just them and me talking about nothing in particular. I miss our little training sessions that I have had with them. They’ve learned a lot in the past few months and there may not be much more I can teach them. Most of what they have yet to learn can only be picked up through their own experience.

“Do you mind if we join you, Dad?” Bri asks.

“Not at all. In fact, I welcome it,” I reply.

“If you wanted to be alone, we understand,” Bri continues. Robert nods in agreement.

“No, I want you here. I was just running through various scenarios.”

“Why do you need to go alone? I don’t want you to do this,” Bri says.

“Because I think it’s the best way to get Lynn out. And I won’t be alone, there will be teams downstairs,” I respond.

“You know what I mean, Dad.”

“Yeah, I do. Look, there comes a time and place when a person has to make a hard decision. It is based on something outside of yourself and you have to ask if you’re willing to sacrifice everything for it. In the past, I answered yes to that with every mission. I haven’t told you a lot about those times, and I won’t now. That’s all in the past. However, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything for the things that are important to you…throw it all on the line. In that way, you are able to push fear aside. By doing that, you have the potential to gain so much more in return. You have to think on what goals…what ideas…what things you will sacrifice everything for. In answering that, you will find what is important to you deep down. For me, it’s all about you two and Lynn.”

“What about the entire group as a whole? Aren’t they important?” Robert asks.

“Yes, they are. I have to admit that there would be a lot of hesitation on my part going into a lair of waiting night runners for them, but, if I knew that it would save them, then I would. Losing Nic really hit me hard, and I find myself second-guessing things I never would have in the past. I feel like I’ve lost my edge dealing with all of the endless details that leading a group like ours entails.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Bri asks.

“Not really…at least not anymore. I’m worried, yes, but not really scared. I worry that I’ll make a mistake that will jeopardize Lynn. My one true fear is losing either of you or not being there when you need me. That would be too much to bear. You’ve both come a long way, and I feel comfortable that you can take care of yourselves, but it’s that parental thing and a worry that will never go away.”

“Are you going in alone because you’re worried about making a mistake that will jeopardize the teams?” Robert asks.

“No. I’m going in alone because I think it’s the best chance of getting Lynn out alive. If we go in with teams, we’ll have to orchestrate it as a combat clearing scenario and there’s no way we stand a chance going in there like that. We wouldn’t last very long at all. One person, or a small team for that matter, can vanish if it needs to. That’s hard to do with a group,” I answer.

“Dad, I hate to say it, but isn’t there a time when you have to sacrifice the one to save the many?” Bri asks.

I look up sharply.

“I’m not saying we give up on Lynn, but…” Bri continues, backpedaling some with my look but still asking her question.

“I know what you mean. And yes, there is a time when that has to be done. But you have to be very careful with that thinking. If you show people that you’re willing to sacrifice them for what you determine to be the greater good, how much loyalty are those same people going to give you? How far do you think they’ll go for you? Show them that you’ll go to the limit for them, and they’ll do the same for you. Look at the doctrine that the Air Force had regarding downed pilots. They would send in rescue teams behind lines and into the heart of the enemy, possibly losing some of those teams in order to rescue a single pilot. What did that do? It made the pilots push harder to accomplish their mission knowing that heaven and earth would be moved in order to pull them out. That doesn’t mean you rush blindly into enemy fire in order to rescue someone, but it does mean that you do everything in your power to get them safely out. That single action brings hope to everyone else.”

“I get that. So this whole thing is to bring hope to the group?” Robert says.