Ever Hayes - Emergency Exit

Hayley walked away with Emily while the rest of us talked, the first time anyone had been alone with Emily without Tara around. When Tara, who had been preoccupied with the photos, noticed Emily was gone, sudden panic flashed across her face. She ran out of the barn, and Danny and I followed her. “Emily!” Tara called out.

“I’m here, Mama,” came the cheery reply from the side of the house.

As we jogged towards the house, Hayley and Emily came around the corner. “I was showing her the goats, Mama,” Emily said with a smile. “They’re still alive!” Clearly the chemicals hadn’t reached this area.

“It’s okay, honey,” Tara replied, pulling Emily to her, as we looked at Hayley, who wasn’t smiling. She seemed to be glaring at Tara, who flushed a dark shade of red.

I started to ask about the glare. “Hayley, wha—”

“What’s going on?” Danny cut me off.

“Dad,” Hayley addressed me. “Would you take Emily back to the barn?”

“What? Why?” I replied.

Danny grabbed my arm. “Dad,” he said calmly but with a serious tone.

Got it. “Okay.” Looking at both of them and then Tara, who didn’t return my glance, I led Emily back towards the barn. When I peeked back, the three of them were gone, apparently into the house. What in the world was going on?

Hayley brushed past Tara into the house, searching until she found Tara’s bedroom. Tara followed but didn’t object. “What’s going on, Hayley?” Danny asked, watching her go through the closets and drawers.

“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Hayley replied with another cold look at Tara.

Tara shrugged, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “You don’t understand—”

“Emily has never met her dad,” Hayley cut her off, standing still for a minute. “I asked her to tell me a little bit about him, and she said she’d never met him. Never!”

Danny looked back and forth between Hayley and Tara and tried to catch Tara’s eyes. “In eleven years?” Danny asked in disbelief. “But you said he was in the—”

“I was raped,” Tara interrupted quietly, silencing Danny and Hayley immediately. “Twelve years ago,” she continued. “I was at a party my senior year at Texas A&M. Someone put something in my drink, took me to a room, and raped me.” There was bitterness and hurt in her voice now, and Hayley’s angry façade was evaporating. “I’ve never had the heart to tell my daughter where she came from. Her dad’s not a soldier. I don’t even know who her dad is. I never even reported the rape—and yes, I know I should have. Before you say anything else, or start judging me for anything else, let me try to explain.” She looked at both of them and neither objected. “The first eight years or so it was simple enough to keep Emily in the dark. She didn’t really ask any questions, never had any friends over—didn’t really even have any friends. But around nine or ten, yeah, she started to ask questions. Other people were asking her questions. I could have—should have—told her then, but…I don’t know…”

“You couldn’t,” Danny said it for her. Tara was quiet for a moment. “I get it,” he continued. “But she honestly still believes he’s a soldier or something—that he’s just never been able to come home. Wouldn’t it be—”

“I know, I know,” Tara jumped back in. “It sounds stupid. What kind of child would be that naïve, right? A very sheltered one…obviously. So maybe what kind of parent would do that to their kid—Is that what you’re thinking?” She didn’t let anyone answer. “We all played our part…Mom homeschooled her until she got sick and she and Dad moved up to Medora. Then I took over. I knew I couldn’t keep this up forever, but who wants to tell a little girl her father’s never coming home—even if you think she would’ve known that long before now.” Tara was sobbing now, but she kept going. “I mean look around you—look at the world I built for her. It’s all make-believe. These photos, they’re of someone I’ve never met, all photoshopped with me. Even the wedding pictures. I’m not married. Never have been. Dad and I—we decided it would be best to tell Emily her dad was in the military. That way, when she was old enough to take it, we could tell her he’d died. She could be proud of her father then, and no one would think less of her. I never wanted her to be ashamed of me, and I definitely never wanted her to be ashamed of herself. What was I supposed to do?”

Hayley was kicking herself now for her earlier attitude. She approached Tara, but Tara backed away, resisting her touch. “Tara, I’m sorry,” Hayley whispered. “We didn’t know any…”

Danny was taking it all in. Now he understood. “So why come back down here? Why not tell her right after the attacks and get it all over with then?” he asked.

Tara gave a weak half-smile. “That would have made sense—I know—but truthfully we didn’t even know the attacks were real until you guys came to town. I honestly didn’t want to come back down here. I mean, when we left to go visit Mom for the last time Emily had told me she hoped her dad would be here when she got back. She said the same thing to Mom and Dad when we were up there. I was trying to avoid all of it. I guess I’d hoped some miracle solution would pop up, or that my dad would rescue me again and somehow make it all make sense to Emily.”

Hayley had approached her again and this time Tara let Hayley hug her. “Tara, I feel terrible. You could have just told us.”

Tara laughed. “If it were only that easy. I’ve never told anyone. I don’t have any idea how I would have brought it up. To you there may have been a million opportunities you could think of along the way. To me, there just never was a good one. I just didn’t want to do the explaining to Emily on my own, and didn’t want all you guys to be here when she found out he wasn’t here. I realize it doesn’t make any sense to you, but it is what it is. I’m nowhere near perfect…I’m sorry.”

Hayley was hugging Tara now, and Tara wasn’t resisting. “My dad’s plan wasn’t ever for me to come back here as much as it was to take Emily away with me, with you guys, and have some kind of chance of living. He couldn’t bear to watch his daughter or granddaughter die, and he knew it was only a matter of time up there. And you heard him, Mom was way too sick to travel. She wasn’t going to make it more than a few more weeks, or months. Dad didn’t want Emily to watch her die like that either.” Tara sat down on the bed.

“It makes sense, Tara,” Danny said. “All of it. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have told anyone either.”

Tara nodded. “I really didn’t want to cause any problems for anyone. I’m sorry it’s become such a mess. And I’m sorry for however I’ve misled or angered either, or any of you, in any way…”

Danny waved her apology off. “You don’t need to apologize to us, or to anyone. I’m glad you told us though…this did answer a few questions. But if you’re going to continue on with us, you do have to trust me, trust us, and we have to be able to trust you.” Tara nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Danny continued before she could. “And you definitely have to tell Emily something now about where her Dad might be, whatever you decide to say. We’ll all help you with it however we can, but we have to move on together with the truth.” He tilted his head to look her in the eyes and restated the last two words. “ The truth .”

She smiled. “Understood,” she exhaled. “Danny…”

“Ma’am?” he turned back.

“Please don’t ever call me that again, and please don’t tell anyone else about the…” Tara paused.