Timothy Long - The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole

There is an army of demons pouring out of the earth. Hundreds of the things pull free of big holes and run in every direction. They don’t seem to have any leadership, which Edwina knows is a bad way to run any military outfit. Troops need direction; they need a leader. Those stilettos were, until recently, filled by Marcel. What she wouldn’t do to have the tall woman here right now to help guide her.

But she is all alone, and there is a giant red man with three giant red dicks. He towers over the desert, playing with his cocks, shaking them loose or getting them ready for something.

The box pulses beneath her, and suddenly she understands what is about to happen.

“Not today, you giant red box fucker!” she yells.

The guns come up, and she fires at the Devil, but the shots don’t even faze him. She empties two clips, and he doesn’t flinch. Now how in the hell is she going to take him down?

This guy has to be the leader. He has to be! He is somehow responsible for killing Darla, and she wants to eradicate him from the Earth. She wants to stand over his body and piss on it. She wants to remove his head and mount it on one of his cocks. That may be problematic, however, since he is so fucking big.

She pulls the stupid toy off her back. She knows just how ridiculous it looks, but she strapped it there as she prepared for battle anyway. The guy in the ice cream truck managed to kill a demon, and he swore it was the toy. She looks over the plastic thing with its strange images. Something rattles and bounces around inside it when she shakes it.

The giant red Devil guy takes a step toward the box and sees her for the first time.

“Well howdy fucking do. Do you know who I am and what I am about to do to that thing you are standing on?”

“Nope. Don’t care.”

“I am Beelzebub. The Devil. Satan himself. Nicetameetcha. So what is a pretty lady like you doing on my fuck box and not stuffed in my ass where you belong?”

“Just passing through, thought I’d stop by and kill you first,” Edwina says, breathing deep to slow her pounding heart. It is thumping away like a logger on speed working over a tree.

“Hah!” Satan roars and reaches for her.

She flips the handle down while pointing the face at him. The dial rolls around and stops on a pig shape. With a squeak, a little two assed piglet appears, runs around in circles and falls off the edge of the box. There is a massive explosion from below.

“Shit!”

“Nice toy. Is that thing supposed to scare me, you stupid little twat?” Satan asks in his rumbling voice that sounds like a volcano throwing up.

She hits the lever again, and the dial spins. This time it lands on a picture of a demon pissing into another demon’s mouth. A foul spray of liquid shoots out of the center and is snatched away by the burning desert heat.

“What do you call that? It smells like a whore. If I wanted that stuff on me, I’d rub your cunt all over my face. Now get in my ass!” Satan howls as he reaches for Edwina.

“Get back in!” Goatboy has opened the door and is leaning out of it, gesturing with one hoof.

She dives under Satan’s sweeping hand as it clips the top of the ice cream truck. Goatboy peers out from the doorway, now down on all fours, front feet outstretched to stop him from flying out of the door. Phil bounces up and down until the truck stops shaking.

Chuzz even pokes his head out. His eyes go wide as he meets Edwina’s. He looks like he is about to jump out of his skin. He holds the microphone up, but his hands tremble so much that he drops it. The mike clatters across the floor of the truck and rolls out onto the top of the glory hole demon. The truck, upon losing contact with the toy, bounces a few inches into the air and then smashes into the metal box.

“Ah fuck!” Chuzz yells as he dives for the microphone.

“Ah fuck!” Edwina echoes as she dives out of the way of Satan’s big sweeping hand.

“Come here, my lovelies!” Satan roars.

“Hit the one with the fucking demons!” Chuzz calls to her.

“They are all fucking demons!” she yells back. She wants to run over and kick him right in the balls. Asshole.

“No! The demons that are fucking each other!” he yells and crawls along the edge of the giant moving box, presumably to get whatever he dropped.

“Like I can pick which one is which!” she screams back at the imbecile just as the box shifts again. Chuzz rolls to his right and stops himself just short of falling off the side. For a split second, she considers going over and giving him a little nudge to help him find the ground below.

She hits the lever again, and a blinding ray of light shoots out of the toy. She holds it aloft, pointed over the shoulder of a very unhappy-looking giant red demon. He reaches for her again, but she slips back, dropping to one knee as she almost falls. In the process, the beam intersects with a meaty part of his hand and cuts right on through.

The devil roars, his head rolling back as he screams in pain. She doesn’t know how much longer the blade will last, if it will even cut through his giant neck. She needs a smaller target. She looks over the edge of the glory hole demon, and a wicked smile curves her lips up.

Leon staggers with the hypodermic needle sticking out of his back. He reaches for it with one hand because he refuses to drop his battleaxe. He tries to get it out, but instead the needle compresses and injects festering purple poison into his bloodstream. Leon howls as fire enters his veins.

Pestilence, atop his steed and fast approaching, cackles at his shot. He waits for Leon to fall, but the axe-wielding maniac is spinning in large drunken circles, cleaving into the ranks of the demons around him as he tries to reach the needle in his back.

The poison spreads throughout Leon’s body, but it doesn’t seem to affect him in a negative way. He knows he should be dying, because it felt like Hell was rushing into him. Maybe it is the bathtub acid that protects him.

“What the fucking fuck is in my back?” Leon screams.

“What the hell? Die monkey! I command it.” Pestilence almost comes to a halt.

“Leon,” Bud shouts as he tucks his M-16 and rolls across the sandy battlefield toward him. “You’re talking normal again! It’s a miracle!”

“It’s no fucking miracle,” Leon complains. “It hurt worse than bending a boner!”

Pestilence shakes off his disbelief and shoots a second syringe that hits Leon in the shoulder. The poison drains into Leon, and the burn dances through him again.

“Ass cunt cock torture,” Leon screams at the approaching Horseman.

Bud takes aim at Pestilence but has to turn to blast back the demons that have snuck up behind him. He turns just in time to see a third projectile fly toward Leon. It hits him square in his chest.

Leon drops his axe and falls backwards into the sand. Bud screams and opens fire at Pestilence and his zombies as he runs to his fallen friend.

Pestilence laughs out loud and kicks his steed in the ribs as hard as he can. Within seconds, he is barreling down on Bud and Leon. The steed moves far too swiftly for Pestilence’s zombie horde to keep up. The dead soldiers crash head-on into the panicked demons. Both sides respond with teeth and claws. Powerful demons rip rotted heads from shoulders as zombie soldiers sink black teeth into wings and scaly throats.

Bud fires randomly into the chaos and reaches Leon with another roll, very well executed considering Bud’s trollish body. Pestilence’s hood flies back as he dives after the two, arms outstretched. His long greasy hair flails wildly. His yellow eyes bulge in their sockets while his graveyard grin betrays his devious intent. Bud turns to face him, and his long greasy hair flails wildly. Thin glasses slide to the tip of his nose, and he grits his teeth.