Timothy Long - The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole

Billie rummages in a bag at his feet and pulls out a headband with a metal disc attached to it. He fits it on his head and steps close to Leon. A light gleams from the center of the metal disk and shines on the side of Leon’s head.

“Well,” Billie says, “this is a mess!”

Overcome by curiosity, Bud walks around to stand next to Billie. “Shit,” is the only thing he can manage when he sees Leon’s brain in the light from the metal disk. Veins and arteries throb and pulse while Billie pokes and prods. Every now and then, Leon giggles or sobs as the medic angel pushes invisible buttons on his exposed brain.

“There,” Billie grins as he takes off his headband, “say something now, Studmuffin.”

Leon looks at Bud and then at Billie. “We ain’t gay for each other.”

“Hot damn,” Bud says, slapping his leg. “Hey, can you use that thing to hunt down a kidney stone?”

Billie blushes and puts the headband back on. “Okay, but don’t tell anyone.”

“Wait! Bud, wait!” Leon yells in his excitement over delivering the same words that form in his brain. “The Devil has risen in Las Vegas! Me and Chuzzle are gonna rally down and make our last fucking stand with some balls! What do you say, Bud?”

He pats Leon on the back and says, “Thanks, Billie! Everyone looks at you differently when you say ‘cock’ and ‘Jesus’ in almost every sentence.”

“Yeah,” Billie says, tugging Bud toward the dark hallway by his belt. “Your brain was fucked. Maybe no blaspheming around angels and lay off the acid, cutie.”

“I don’t do acid,” Leon scoffs at Billie before grabbing Bud’s shoulder and asking him, “Are you in, Bud? We need weapons, and quick. We need to go to the sheriff station and either get help or guns or both.”

All Bud can think about is the prospect of being rid of his kidney stone without squeezing it down his prick and out his piss hole. Leon sees the distraction in his eyes and turns to Billie instead, “What about you? You and your battle angels down to kick some evil ass?”

“Uh, maybe. Let me help your friend and then we’ll ask, okay?” All Billie can think about is the prospect of seeing Bud’s prick.

“Shit,” Leon says as they disappear into the dark hallway. Then he smiles when a breathless Father O’Coddle bursts through the door.

Down the dark hallway, an angel beats his celestial meat in booth 14 while a half-demon spanks his ugly monkey in booth 15. The angel has never seen porn or experienced jerking off, and he loves both. He moans at the top of his powerful lungs.

The dejected Father Maniwhore jerks off with tears rolling down his cheeks; every now and then he slugs himself in the nuts. He catches a glimpse of the angel in the next booth, and he sticks his big demon dick through the glory hole before he can stop himself.

In the doorway, Father O’Coddle asks Leon, “Have you seen Father Maniwhore? I could have sworn he was headed this way.”

Leon shakes his head and says, “Nope. But, Father, there are three angels in here right now.”

“Yeah, some demons tore apart the church… wait are you talking normally, Leon?”

Leon beams and tells him, “Yeah, Billie fixed me. You wanna come with me and Bud and Chuzzle to kick some Devil ass in Vegas?”

“What the hell is a Chuzzle?”

“He’s my friend,” Leon beams, proud to say the words, “and we are going to kick this Apocalypse’s ass!”

O’Coddle laughs and asks again, “Are you sure you didn’t see Father Maniwhore?”

Leon rolls his eyes and gestures at the store around them. “Father, how could a big creepy bastard like Father Maniwhore sneak past us all?”

As if in answer to his question, the wall to the peep booth hallway explodes, flinging leather gear across the store. Two shapes hit the ground in a fury, punching and kicking each other in a blur of white feathers and furry goat legs. Bud and Billie bolt from the hallway, Bud with his pants undone and Billie with a smile on his face. When Frank sees Jake fighting a demon, he growls and lunges forward.

Father Maniwhore stands over Jake, completely naked. From the waist down, he has the body of a goat, with the exception of his massive swinging dick. Maniwhore kicks Frank in the chest with both hooves, sending the big angel over the counter onto a pale Jerome. The angel’s battleaxe slides across the ground until it stops at Leon’s and Father O’Coddle’s feet.

Maniwhore leans in to pummel Jake, but the angel lands a punch on his long, wide, half-demonic nose. Maniwhore backs off for a second, but before Jake can get to his feet, he receives a hoof to the ass that sends him crashing into the Wall of Classic Porn.

Jake lands in a heap and is quickly battered by a landslide of ancient porn on VHS. Frank regains his senses and jumps the glass counter, landing on Maniwhore’s back. Frank’s wings open and flap as he lifts Maniwhore off the ground, pummeling him with his free fist. Blood drips to the floor, and stray white feathers float in a lazy arc behind them.

With a shriek, Maniwhore rakes his talon-like claws across Frank’s face. Frank lets go, but Maniwhore grabs one of Frank’s wings as he falls. He pulls down and twists, breaking the wing and forcing a scream of agony from Frank. The angel crashes into the dildo display case. Maniwhore is on him in a flash, pulling the angel’s head back by his hair. Frank opens his mouth as if to scream again, but Maniwhore stuffs the biggest dildo, the three-foot-long, nine-inch-thick Party Monster, down his throat. Frank gags and chokes on the giant jelly prick.

Spurred by the sight of his wounded friend, Jake rallies and flies at Maniwhore. Maniwhore sees him out of the corner of his eye and throws the second-biggest dildo, the two-foot-long, six-inch-thick Little Monster, hitting Jake in the face and breaking his nose. When the angel puts his hands to his face to stop the flow of blood, Maniwhore jumps at him, knocking him to the ground, where he straddles him, tearing feathers from his wings. He flings handfuls of the feathers, white at first and then crimson, into the air where they float peacefully, belying the violence that gave them flight.

Frank pulls the massive dildo out of his throat and pukes at the release. Maniwhore lets Jake be for the moment, taking a flying leap at Frank. His hooves slam down on Frank’s legs, and the sound of bones shattering radiates through the sex shop. Father Maniwhore grabs Frank by his hair and slaps him hard across the face with his dick. Frank falls to the ground, and Maniwhore stomps down on Frank’s square chin, sending gleaming white teeth skittering across the floor. Maniwhore whoops and stomps on the side of Frank’s head with such force that the angel’s blue eyes squirt out of his face in opposite directions. Frank twitches and dies before Jake can recover enough to save his friend.

Father O’Coddle stares at the scene, his jaw popping back and forth.

Bud gawks at the carnage and zips up his pants.

Big tears slip down Billie’s delicate cheeks while he trembles like a leaf, frozen in fear.

Jerome cowers under all the other dildos, praying he won’t be made to swallow one.

Maniwhore stares at Leon, Billie, Father O’Coddle, and Bud. He flips them the bird, gives his prick a few strokes, and jumps back on the moaning Jake. Maniwhore resumes destroying his wings while Jake bellows in pain.

When Leon sees Maniwhore’s black cock, the dick bruise on his cheek feels like it is about to burst into flames. Something inside Leon’s newly rewired brain snaps, and he picks up the battleaxe. His fury bubbles over, and he runs screaming into the fight. Maniwhore turns when he hears Leon’s war cry: “I’m gonna fucking kill you and cut your prick off!”