Meg Cabot - Prom Nights from Hell

Miranda turned back to Kenzi. "Do you think I'm a fun person? Am I a Grandma Grim? A funkiller?"

"Grandma Grim? Funkiller?" Kenzi repeated. "What are you talking about? Did you hit your head at derby practice again?"

"No, I'm serious. Am I fun?"

"Yes," Kenzi said solemnly.

"Yes," Beth agreed.

"Except when you get all MLAS," Kenzi modified. "And when you have your period. And around your birthday. Oh, there was that one time-"

"Forget it." Miranda's eyes drifted to Sibby, who now appeared to be leading a conga line.

"I'm kidding," Kenzi said, turning Miranda's face from the dance floor to hers. "Yes, I think you are really fun. I mean, who else would dress up as Magnum P.I. for Halloween?"

"Or think of entertaining the kids on the cancer ward by reenacting Dawson's Creek with Precious Moments figurines?" Beth added.

Kenzi nodded. "That's right. Even children battling cancer think you're fun. And they're not the only ones."

Something about Kenzi's tone when she said the last part made Miranda worried. "What did you do?"

"She was brilliant," Beth said.

Now Miranda was even more scared. "Tell me."

"It was nothing, just some research," Kenzi said.

"What kind of research?" For the first time Miranda noticed that there was writing up the length of Kenzi's arm.

Kenzi said, "About Will and Ariel. They're totally not going out."

"You asked him?"

"It's called an interview," Kenzi said.

"No. Oh no. Tell me you're kidding." Sometimes having a roommate who wanted to be a journalist was dangerous.

"Relax, he didn't suspect a thing. I made it seem like I was making small talk," Kenzi said.

"She was great," Beth confirmed.

Miranda started wishing for trapdoors again.

"Anyway, I asked him why he thought Ariel asked him to the prom and he said"-here Kenzi consulted her arm-"'To make someone else jealous. So of course I asked who and he went, 'Anyone. That's what Ariel thrives on, other people's jealousy. Isn't that perceptive? Especially for a guy?"

"He's smart," Beth put in. "And nice."

Miranda nodded absently, looking for Sibby on the dance floor. At first she didn't see her but then she spotted her in a dark corner with Phillip. Talking, not kissing. For some reason that made her smile.

"Look, we made her happy!" Kenzi said, and she sounded so genuinely pleased that Miranda didn't want to tell her the truth.

"Thanks for finding all that out," Miranda said. "It's-"

"You haven't even heard the best part," Kenzi said. "I asked why he agreed to go to prom with Ariel if they're not a couple and he said"-glancing at her arm-"'Because no one made me a better offer. "

Beth reminded her, "With that cute smile."

"Right, with cute smile. And he looked directly at me when he said it and he was so clearly talking about you!"

"Clearly." Miranda loved her friends even if they were delusional.

"Stop gazing at me like I've been one-stop shopping at the Lobotomy Store, Miranda," Kenzi said. "I'm completely right. He likes you and he's not taken. Stop thinking and grab him. Go live ITM."

"ITM?"

"In the Mo," Beth elaborated.

Miranda gaped. "No. Way."

"What?" Kenzi asked.

"Nothing." Miranda shook her head. "Even if he's single, what makes you think Will wants to go out with me?"

Kenzi squinted at her. "Um, breezing past all the sappy stuff about how you're nice and smart I have to say because I'm your best friend, have you looked in the mirror recently?"

"Ha-ha. Trust me-"

"Bye!" Beth said, interrupting her and dragging Kenzi away. "See you later!"

"Don't forget! ITM!" Kenzi added over her shoulder. "Drink a can of man!"

"Where are you-" Miranda started to say, then heard a heartbeat close behind her and swung around.

Nearly banging her shoulder against Will's chest.

He said, "Hi."

And she said, "Ho." God. GOD. Could she just say one normal thing? Thanks Crazy Mouth.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I didn't know you were coming to prom."

"I-changed my mind at the last minute."

"You look nice."

"You too." Which was an understatement. He looked like a double stack of cinnamon apple pancakes with a side order of bacon and hash browns (extra crispy). Like the best thing Miranda had ever laid eyes on.

She felt herself staring at him, then looked away, blushing. There was a moment of silence. Another one. Don't let it go beyond four seconds, she reminded herself. It had to have been one second already; that left three, now two, say something! Say-

"Are you wearing space pants?" Miranda asked him.

"What?"

How did it end? Oh, right. She said, "Because your butt is fine."

He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for a straitjacket. "I think-" he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before finally saying, "I think the line is 'because your butt is out of this world. "

"Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read it in this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but I got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but I must have gotten them confused." He just kept staring at her. She remembered the other advice from the book, "when in doubt, make an offer," reached out, grabbed the first thing she could put her hand on, held it up to his chin, and said, "Nuts?"

He looked like he was about to choke. He cleared his throat a few times, took the nuts from her, put the bowl back on the table, stepped toward her so that their noses were almost touching, and said, "You read a book about this?"

Miranda couldn't even hear his heartbeat over the sound of her own. "Yes, I did. Because clearly I wasn't doing it right. I mean, if you kiss a guy and he pulls away from you and looks at you like your skin just turned to purple slime, clearly you need to spend some time at the self-help section of-"

"You talk more when you're nervous," he said, still standing close to her.

"No I don't. That's absurd. I'm just trying to explain to you-"

"Do I make you nervous?"

"No. I'm not nervous."

"You're trembling."

"I'm cold. I'm wearing practically zero clothes."

His glance went to her lips, then back to her eyes. "I noticed."

Miranda gulped. "Look, I should-"

He caught her wrist before she could take off. "That kiss you gave me was the hottest kiss I've ever had. I pulled away because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop myself from ripping off your clothes. And that didn't seem like the right way to end a first date. I didn't want you to think that was all I was interested in."

She stared at him. There was silence again, but this time she didn't worry about how long it went on.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she said finally.

"I tried to, but every time I saw you afterward you disappeared. I got the feeling you were avoiding me."

"I didn't want things to be awkward."

"Yeah, there was nothing awkward about you hiding behind a plant when I came into the dining hall at lunch on Wednesday."

"I wasn't hiding. I was, um, breathing. You know, oxygen. From the plant. Very oxygenated, that air is."

Insert head in oven now.

"Of course. I should have thought of that."

"It's a health thing. Not many people know about it."

Leave until no longer HALF BAKED.

"No, I'm sure they-"

Miranda blurted. "Did you really mean that? About liking it when I kissed you?"

"I really did. A lot."

Her hands were shaking. She reached up and pulled him toward her.

Just as the music went off, the emergency-exit lighting went on and a tinny voice announced over a loudspeaker, "Please make your way to the nearest exit and leave the building immediately."