Jeaniene Frost - Destined for an Early Grave

Bones didn’t say the other, obvious word: Again. Oh shit. If a hole had appeared in the ground, I’d have gladly crawled into it. Spade’s right, you are an idiot. With a capital I.

My mental flogging must have gotten through to him, because he said, “You’re not an idiot. Charles told me he dragged you into it, though he of all people should have known better. Still, he’d have said trapping Gregor alone was too risky, which is why I didn’t tell him about it.”

“You must hate me,” I said with a groan. “That’s twice I’ve fucked things up while thinking I was helping.”

His brow arched. “Three times, actually. You also left me to go off with Don, thinking you were helping me. I thought all of these showed your lack of respect for me by not letting me fight my own battles, but I’ve come to realize you can’t help yourself. It’s who you are. You will never sit and wait for the outcome of a fight involving someone you love before throwing yourself into the mix, no matter how you might promise to change.”

His words were like a knife in my heart. This is why he left, my conscience taunted me. You’d like to think it was just so he could fuck around, because then it would be his fault, not yours. But it was you. Bones is right; you’ll never change. And no one in their right mind would put up with you.

Saying I was sorry was useless. More than useless—insulting, considering everything that had happened. So I did the only thing I could do to show how much I wished things were different. I dropped my shields, opening my mind to let Bones hear everything I was feeling, stripping myself naked of all the things I normally used to rationalize my actions.

He closed his eyes. A ripple went through him, as if my thoughts struck him like a physical blow. Once freed of the tight restraint I kept on them, everything seemed to tumble out of me, with long-hidden emotions frothing to the surface.

“Kitten,” he murmured.

“I just wanted you to know I understand.” The lump in my throat made it hard to speak. “You gave it your best, Bones. I’m the one who trashed things.”

His eyes opened. “No. It was my insistence in taking Gregor on alone that caused our separation. I could have told you it was a trap before putting you into that panic room. I could have told you about New Orleans and had you take those pills, so Gregor couldn’t learn it from your dreams. But I wanted to handle everything myself. My pride and my jealousy drove us apart. Every mistake you’ve made with me, Kitten, I’ve made the same with you, but I don’t want to talk about that anymore. I don’t want to talk at all.”

He drew down his zipper even as I blinked in shock. “After all this, you still want to sleep with me?”

Bones slid out of his pants. He didn’t have anything on under them, as usual.

“After all this, I still love you.”

That stunned me into silence. Then I spoke the first words that came into my mind.

“You must be crazy.”

He laughed, soft and wry. “It was your brash bravery that made me fall in love with you in the first place. Even though the same thing drives me mad now, I probably wouldn’t love you if you were different than the way you are.”

I wanted so badly to believe that love could conquer all. That Bones and I could make things work based on sheer feelings alone, but life wasn’t that easy.

“If neither of us can change,” I said, my heart squeezing, “sooner or later, we’ll drive each other away again.”

He put a knee on the bed. “You’re right—we won’t change. I’ll always want to protect you, and I will get insanely brassed off when I can’t. You’ll always jump into the fire for me, no matter how much I want you to stay safe on the sidelines. We’ll have to constantly battle our own natures to make this work. Are you willing to take that chance?”

When I started dating Bones over six years ago, I knew a relationship with him would break my heart. It had, more than once, and Bones wasn’t offering assurances that it wouldn’t this time, either. Yet just like back then, I couldn’t resist him.

“Playing it safe is for chickens,” I whispered.

He crouched on the bed, all curved sinews and pale hard flesh. Then he leaned forward, taking the time to drag his mouth from my stomach to my neck. My nipples hardened, need clenched in my belly, and I arched toward him.

His mouth slanted over mine as he gathered me in his arms. Feeling his naked body on top of me blew my control apart. My skin tingled everywhere his flesh made contact. I couldn’t get close enough to him, and I kicked the covers away. Bones kissed me like he was drowning, his tongue raking mine while he continued to rub sensually against me, stroking me without entering, touching me everywhere and all at once.

I ran my hands over him as well, moaning into his mouth. My need was almost painful when he pushed his fingers into me, finding my most sensitive spot and rubbing it intensely. I began to claw at his back. Tears leaked from my eyes. The ecstasy built to a tremendous level, straining against my skin, until I tore my mouth from his.

“God, Bones, yes!”

It was a sob and a scream combined. He responded by flipping me on top of him, lifting me in the same motion, and burying his mouth between my legs.

I convulsed at once, the spasms shaking me. His arms clamped around my waist while he tongued my flesh and sucked without fangs, as if he were drinking my pleasure into him. I clutched his head, shuddering, as the last remaining waves rippled over me.

Bones set me back against the mattress without breaking contact with his mouth. I was still panting from the orgasm and now half-sagged on the pillows. He lifted his head, his gaze pinning mine as he crawled upward toward me.

“Look at me,” he said, lowering his hips between mine.

I did, opening my thighs and arching to meet his first thrust. Oh God, I’d forgotten how Bones stretched me when I wasn’t used to him. His hardness pushed against my walls, filling me so deeply, I felt tears in my eyes. Yes. Yes. I’ve needed you like this.

“Harder.”

Moaned when he began to move gently in me, but I didn’t want gentleness. I wanted what I knew he had lurking past his concerns for being tender.

He moved with more force and kissed me, his eyes still open. I didn’t close mine, either. Seeing his face while he was inside me overwhelmed me. I grabbed his hair, locked my gaze to his, and kissed him until I had to break away to breathe.

“I can taste myself on your mouth,” I panted. “I want you to taste yourself on mine. I want to suck you, swallow you when you come—”

“Stop talking like that, or I’m going to come right now.” His hands flexed on my hips, holding me tighter. He was close. I could feel it in the way he held me and in those tempered, measured thrusts that devastated me with passion. His nearness to orgasm filled me with erotic purpose, making me want to bring him over the edge.

I ground myself against him, crying out at how good that felt. “More. Take me harder.”

He unleashed his restraint, leaving me gasping at the blinding concentration of sensations. It hurt in the sweetest way, causing me to strain toward him even as I cried out at his rough, rapid strokes. When he reached his climax, he threw me against the headboard and shouted with rapture, his whole body trembling. I clung to him, shaking also, my heart beating fast enough to explode.

After several seconds, Bones unglued me from himself—and the headboard—to lay me back on the bed. “Bloody hell, Kitten, are you all right?”

If I hadn’t still been gasping, his concern over my assumed injury would have made me laugh. “Come back here.”