L. Banks: My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding

"Okay," she said, hedging, "but how about if we don't drive down there, have them come up here to campus, and throw the grad­uation party-wedding reception right at the church on campus?"

"You got a point, 'Delia," he said, nodding. "Might be prudent to let Reverend Mitchell from down home co-officiate with Pastor Wise From up here, just to be on the safe side."

"Yup. You remember how it was back home: Hatfields on one side of that little church, and McCoys on the other. But if you cut out Reverend Mitchell, who knows how to deal with our kin, then that poor local pastor won't know what hit him."

"See, girl, we're on the same page," Jefferson said, opening his car door.

Odelia got out of the car, glancing around and wondering if she was missing her mind.

"What!" Nana Robinson shouted, Forcing Odelia to briefly remove the telephone receiver from her ear.

"Nana, I love him, and need—"

"Chile, you go on and get that marriage license straightaway and book the church," her grandmother fussed. "You let me deal with one Ezekiel Hatfield, ornery SOB, even if he is yo' daddy. Serves him right; that ain't nuthin' but the Lord setting the record straight. Probably yo' momma up in heaven orchestrating yo' daddy's pay­back. So, don't you fret. Awe's having us a wedding, baby! I'll marshal up Opal Kay, you hear me? My sister can go up against all them Hat­field heifers who think they can conjure. My grandbaby girl done us all proud, gots her education, ain't brung us no babies home, ain't been out in the worl' fornicatin', and snagged herself a lawya—I don't care what his last name is. Humph! Plus, any monies due you by way of your momma's soul going on to glory by rights is supposed to stay with her chile, not them!"

"Thank you, Nana. I love you," was all Odelia could say as she watched Jefferson shift from foot to foot close by.

"I love you, too, baby," her nana said. "Stay strong. I'm calling in reinforcements. Bye-bye."

When the call disconnected, Odelia and Jefferson just stared at each other for a moment.

She handed him the cordless phone. "It's started. Nana just mounted up a war party."

He sighed and accepted the receiver from Odelia and then punched in the number he knew by heart. Growing impatient, he waited for the tenth ring, knowing that his grandmother didn't be­lieve in technology, by way of an answering machine.

"Who dis here?" a surly elderly voice finally said once the call connected.

"Grandma Jo, it's your boy, Jefferson."

"Oh, my Lawd in heaven! Chile, whatchu doing calling this ole lady on the phone out of the blue, my Favorite grandbaby?"

Jefferson hesitated. "Grandma, I've got a problem."

Quiet Filled the line.

"Now, baby," the old woman said slowly, "you know Gawd don't put nuthin' more on you than you can bear. Tell Grandma what's wrong."

"I met this girl; she's real nice, real—"

"She pregnant, son?"

"No, no, it ain't like that," Jefferson said in a rush, glancing at Odelia, embarrassed by the charge. "She's real sweet, a church girl I met at college, and I wanna marry her, now that I'm fixin' to gradu­ate, but. . ."

"Then go on and do the right thing by her, boy. Marry that girl; if she passes yo' inspection, I know she'll pass mine. That ain't no problem. You grown, and did mighty right by yo'self. We's all proud of you."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "She's a HatField, Grandma. I Fell in love with her before I actually knew that this spell stuff was real." It wasn't the complete truth, but explaining the whole thing in ex­cruciating detail was just too much to deal with.

Again, silence Filled the line, and Jefferson closed his eyes, waiting.

"Well, that does create a sticky wicket now, don't it?" his grand­mother said, letting out a huff of breath.

"Grandma ... I can't have nothin' happen to her; you know what I'm saying?"

"'Deed I do," his grandmother said angrily. "I can't countenance them McCoys worth a damn! Not that I'm casting aspersions on you, suga', but you know how I Feel about yo' daddy's people. I ain't two-faced about it; they all knows how us Joneses feel, especially yo' momma. She know it—so I ain't talking behind no backs. When you fittin' to marry this chile?"

"I wanted to marry Odelia when everybody came up here for my graduation, to save everybody a double trip and the double ex­pense . . . since we were all gonna be up here at one time. She's graduating that day, too, so—"

"You was trying to kill two birds with one stone, like it would make sense to do. I hear you, chile. You ain't gotta go into no deep explanations for yo' ole grandma. I know how them McCoys act. Figured up in a public setting, they might jus' mind they p's and q's. But I wouldn't count on it." His grandmother sighed and let out a grunt. "We needs insurance."

Jefferson's shoulders slumped and Odelia went to him to hold his hand for support. "Grandma, I can't have nothing crazy happen to her, and I'm trying my best to do the right thing . . . we wanna be together, and every time . . ."

"They still got that mess on you, son, so you can't even half kiss her? No wonder you half crazy and ready to jump the broom like a fugitive," his grandmother practically shouted. "Lack-a-nookie at your age ain't healthy, boy."

"Grandma!" He dropped Odelia's hand, ashamed, and walked across the room.

"Don't you 'grandma' me," the elderly lady said, becoming indig­nant. "I know all about the birds and the bees, and been young once. That don't make no sense. Besides, I heard all about it from your momma, who's been worried sick about it ever since your money-grubbing uncles put it on ya! Now you hear me and hear me good, chile. You go on and get the day booked at the church. We Joneses is coming up there, and we bringing plenty to eat with us. They betta not start. I'ma call Reverend Mitchell and tell him all about it, and how them McCoys is at it again! He'll put up a prayer line round you chil'ren,jus' like he did when you all was jus' babies on the tit. Then I'ma get my sister, I dell, and your uncle Roy on the case. While I don't dabble myself, I know people who gots a powerful conjure to go up against a McCoy root any day. They ain't the only ones who can git into a pot and stir it—and you know I must be mad as a wet hen, ifn' I'ma go there, as your grandma. Fit to be tied, is what I am! Might even call Mrs. Robinson so we Joneses and Robinsons can form an alliance."

"Now, Grandma," Jefferson said, his voice quavering at the thought, "there's no call for an all-out Family—"

"It's settled," his grandmother said flatly. "The dawgs of war have been called, and so help me Jesus, war it is. IF we Jonses stand with the Robinson clan, with the HatFields going up against the McCoys, their numbers will be less than ours. Weaker. Our mojo will prevail, have mercy!"

He stared helplessly at Odelia, as she gestured wildly with her hands for a translation of the part of the conversation she couldn't hear.

"Grandma, please," he said, his voice quiet.

"Naw, baby. I got this. Now you jus' git off the tely-phone, and try your best to reserve yourself From laying a hand on your be­trothed For at least twenty-Four hours. Give Grandma some time to work it all out. . . jus' as a precautionary measure. I ain't dealt with this in a Few years and might be kinda rusty. So, let's stay on the safe side fer now. But we's having us a wedding."

"Thanks, Grandma. I love you." What else was there to say?

"That's right, baby. Now you c'mon and give Grand some suga' through the phone, and I'll be up there directly to git one in person."

Jefferson kissed the receiver and simply shook his head.

"Bye-bye, baby. It'll all work out." Then she was gone.

The couple stood in the middle of the apartment floor, saying nothing as Jefferson clutched the cordless unit in his hand.