Simon Green - The Man with the Golden Torc

"I think you need to lie down, Shaman. I mean, Eddie."

"Haven’t got the time. I’ll lie down when I’m dead." I breathed deeply, fighting down the pain and pushing it away through sheer force of will. I gently eased my arms out of Molly’s and Janissary Jane’s grips, and they immediately stepped back to give me some room, keeping a watchful eye on me. I could feel cold sweat drying on my face, but my thoughts were clear again. "Jane, who do you know that knows about strange matter?"

"The Blue Fairy."

"What?" said Molly. "Him? The man’s a major-league piss artist! Never met a bottle of booze he didn’t like!"

"I saw him sober once," I said. "He looked awful."

Janissary Jane sighed loudly. "You of all people should know enough to look past the surface. You do know why he’s called the Blue Fairy, don’t you?"

"Well, yes," I said. "Because he’s gay."

"No! I mean, yes, he’s gay, but that’s not where the name originally came from. It’s because he’s half elf."

"Oh, come on!" said Molly. "Are we talking about the same guy? That useless little tit who’s always sponging drinks at the Wulfshead?"

"He can’t be half elf," I said. "Elves never breed outside their own kind. It’s their strongest taboo, utterly forbidden."

"There’s always a few who move to a different drummer," said Janissary Jane. "The elves have a special name for those who indulge outside the permitted gene pool. They call them perverts."

Molly smirked. "You mean they’re humosexuals?"

"Please," I said. "Let us not go there."

"The point," Janissary Jane said firmly, "is that the Blue Fairy has some elf abilities and even a few direct contacts within the Fae. I would be prepared to bet you good money that he was the one who supplied your elf lord with the strange matter to make his arrow. So he might be the man to go to for a cure. Certainly he knows more about strange matter than anyone else I know."

"All right," I said. I was feeling better, for the moment. "Any idea of where he’s hiding out at the moment? He left his old place after the unfortunate incident with the kobold in Leicester Square. Though what they ever saw in each other…"

"He moved around a lot after that," said Janissary Jane. "And he went downhill rapidly. He didn’t want any of his old friends to see what he’d been reduced to."

"Hell, we wouldn’t have cared," said Molly.

"No, you probably wouldn’t," said Janissary Jane. "But he did. The point is, I know where to find him. I throw him the odd commission, now and again, for old times’ sake. If you want, I can take you right to him."

"I want," I said. "But we can’t go gallivanting across London in plain sight, not while Manifest Destiny are after me. That’s who the sleeping beauties belong to, by the way."

"You’ve got them mad at you as well?" said Janissary Jane. "Good for you! You continue to rise in my estimation, Eddie. Can’t stand these amateur-night wannabe soldiers, in their pretty new uniforms. They give real mercenaries a bad name. Probably crap their pants and then run a mile if you dropped them into a real war zone, crying for their mommies all the way."

"Could we at least make an effort to stick to the subject?" I said just a little plaintively. "The point is, it’s not safe for Molly and me to travel openly across London, and she’s all out of spatial portals."

"Well, how did I get here?" Janissary Jane said reasonably. "How did the Manifest Destiny arseholes get here? They must have had transport, right?"

We all moved over to the shattered window and looked out. Down in the street below were three large black cars, parked in a row, that looked very familiar to me. I couldn’t help but grin.

"Perfect," said Molly. "Look, they even have tinted windows, so no one can see in! No one’s going to pay any attention to just another Manifest Destiny car out on patrol."

"All right," I said. "Let’s go and give the Blue Fairy his wake-up call."

Molly insisted we take a little time to leave a suitably insulting message for whoever came to retrieve the unconscious Manifest Destiny soldiers. So she and Janissary Jane pulled down all the soldiers’ trousers and underwear, commenting in loud and very unfair ways as they went along, and arranged the unconscious men in an erotic daisy chain. Then they stood back to admire their work and giggled a lot. Never let them give you to the women.

"I’d love to see them try to explain this to their superior officers when they turn up," Molly said happily, and Janissary Jane nodded solemnly.

While they were busy, I had my own ideas for a little useful mischief. I picked up Sebastian’s stylised Edwardian telephone and phoned home. As always, they picked up on the first ring, and a familiar voice answered. One I’d never expected to talk to again.

"Hello, Penny," I said. "Guess who?"

There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end, and then Penny’s well-trained professionalism quickly reasserted itself. "Hello, Eddie. Where are you calling from?"

"Trace the line," I said. "By the time you can get here, I’ll be long gone. But you’ll still find something interesting waiting for you here. Now put me through to the Matriarch."

"You know I can’t do that, Eddie. You’ve been officially declared rogue. I’m sure it’s all a terrible mistake. Tell me where you are, and I’ll send someone to pick you up."

"I want to talk to the Matriarch."

"She doesn’t want to talk to you, Eddie."

"Of course she does. That’s why she’s listening in right now. Talk to me, Grandmother, and I’ll tell you about Sebastian."

"I’m here, Edwin," said Martha Drood. I could hear the difference on the line as she went to secure mode. She knew we were about to discuss things that Penny wasn’t cleared to know. Even though Penny was officially cleared to know everything.

"Hello, Grandmother," I said, after a pause. We both sounded so very civilised, as though this was just a little family tiff, nothing that couldn’t be settled over a nice cup of tea. "How does it feel, Martha, to be talking to a dead man? How did it feel to order the death of your own grandson?"

"The family comes first, Edwin; you know that." The Matriarch’s voice was calm and even. "I will always do what is necessary to protect the family. All you had to do was die; and you couldn’t even get that right, could you?"

"I would have died for you, for the family," I said, holding the phone so tightly my hand hurt. "If you’d given me a good reason, if you’d just trusted me enough to explain. I love the family, in my own way. But not anymore. You made me rogue, so rogue I’ll be."

"Why did you call, Edwin? What do you want?"

"To tell you about Sebastian. Who is currently very unconscious in his flat. If you were to send some people here, they could collect him while he’s helpless. And then you wouldn’t have to worry about all those information parcels he’s been holding over your heads. You see, my war is with you, Grandmother. Not with the family."

"I am the family. I am the Matriarch."

"Not for much longer," I said. "I’ve been digging up all your nasty little secrets, and I’m really very angry with you, Grandmother. For what’s been done in the family name. I’m coming home, and not as the prodigal son. I’m coming home for the truth, even if I have to tear the family apart to get it. See you soon, Grandmother."

I hung up, and then just stood there for a moment. My hands were shaking. If I hadn’t already known I was dying, I’d probably have been scared. I looked around for Molly and Janissary Jane. They’d only just remembered to go through the pile of discarded trousers, looking for car keys.

"Time to get moving, ladies. The family will be here soon."